February 6, 2009Every now and again I experience the overwhelming and urgent need to spend an hour's worth of my income on candy. Nothing fancy or grown up about--I just want candy.
Like yesterday for example--in the morning I bought a bag of carmels with the white powdered sugar dot in the middle, at lunch time I bought a giant bag of Peanut M&Ms from the grocery store, when I stopped at the gas station on my way home I picked up some swedish fish, and then last night, on my way to art class I got myself two packages of Starburst and one Reese's Big Cup.
Disgusting, isn't it?
Now just to clear things up, I didn't eat all of the candy in one sitting. Sure I ate some of it, but for the most part I've been hauling my ten pounds of happiness all around town in my purse thinking, "I'm an adult, damn it. I can have as much of this stuff as I want."
It's also fun to sit across the table from the Superintendent of Schools, dig through my bag for an important contract, look up, smile, and say, "Swedish fish?"
Just so you know, the Superintendent of Schools loves swedish fish. Peanut M&Ms? Not so much--and I can't say I blame him, it was a poorly executed spur-of-the-moment choice on my part. Very embarrassing.
But not as embarrassing as, let's say, dribbling a pool of red candy coated spit all over the middle of the very important contract. The Superintendent, bless his heart, got a little overzealous with the fish. And really now, who can blame him?
And my three-year-old son? He's not on to me in the slightest.
Yesterday afternoon, as we were zipping along in the car, James clearly watched as I slipped a carmel into my mouth. "Mommy," he asked, "what was dat?"
"It was a giant broccoli vegetable vitamin, buddy. Do you want one."
"Uh, no sanks."
I didn't think so.
14 comments:
Thank you for being so good at making my day. You are simply hilarious. I agree about the peanut m&m . . . should have gone for the peanut butter! Ahhhhh, I'm getting really sick of eating no chocolate.
Love the carmels with the white dot in the middle. I may have to go buy some at lunch... for lunch.
Amy!!Flashback to your middle school walk home...stopping at Deli Mart!!and Vanilla...me,too ..now I want a few of those caramels w/ the soft white dot.
Lying to your kids is the first sign of addiction, right? It's a slippery slope from there.
Didn't you always like those cow tail things from CTS? Gross!
p.s. When I was pregnant with you,I lived on m&m's...don't think I ate a piece of fruit the whole time...so there you go on tracing back the addiction!
I teach school and I'm getting pretty good at the slight-of-hand/candy-into-the-mouth thing.
"Tricky Dick" they call me.
But not really.
Very sneaky, that giant broccoli vitamin thing with James!
Give me a big York Peppermint patty, a bag of skittles, and one of those new Crunch bars (with the wafers inside) and I'm good!
At first I thought it was your drool. Cause that would totally be something you would do.
I really need to remember that line for when I'm slipping candy "discreetly" past my lips while driving with Miles watching me intently. He catches me every time.
I love giant broccoli vegetable vitamins. I am a Judge's clerk and have to be careful when I eat cheetos as I get the "orange" stuff all over those legal documents. Whoops.
More bacon for you! http://bacolicio.us/
Peanut with dark chocolate M&M's.. bomb diggity combo!
Aw man, I wish my two year old was trickable. No matter WHAT I put in my mouth he wants some. Though he still eats crayons, so maybe I should cut him some slack.
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