Up, Down, Up, Down

February 9, 2009

Honestly now, what is the deal with men?

This morning, between the hours of 9am and 10am, my husband called me twice. I was at my office and he was at home--you know, since that lucky, self-employed bonehead happens to take Mondays off.

I've grown all too accustomed to his Monday morning calls. So when Jared's number faded onto the caller ID, I picked up my phone and without even saying hello I mumbled, "Dude, I don't know where it is."

And Jared was like, "Are you sure you don't know where it is? Because I really can't find the dog brush anywhere."

"Is it in the dog brush basket," I asked?

"Nope."

"Then I really don't know where it is."

Ten minutes later, the phone rang again.

"Amy," he said, "do you know where my keys are?"

"Are they on your key hook," I asked?

"No. Any other ideas where they might be?"

And this time, instead of lecturing my six-foot husband, I decided to try something new.

"Ummm....check the dryer," I said. "I'm pretty sure I saw them on top of the dryer."

So Jared ran down the basement stairs to look on top of the dryer. No luck.

"You know," I continued, "I feel like I saw your keys in James's room. Sometimes he takes things. You should go up look on his nightstand."

So Jared ran up two flights of stairs to our three-year-old's bedroom. Still no luck.

"Try the workshop," I suggested.

And down, down, down he went.

"What about the guest room," I mentioned?

And Jared went up, up, up.

Then back down to rifle through his ski bag, back up to look inside the bathroom cabinet, out to the garage to scour the shelves, and back up to the closet--you know, strictly for entertainment purposes.

And then, only after three trips up, three trips down and one trip into the sub zero elements did it finally dawn on Jared...he married a total and complete $^!%head.