Up, Down, Up, Down

February 9, 2009

Honestly now, what is the deal with men?

This morning, between the hours of 9am and 10am, my husband called me twice. I was at my office and he was at home--you know, since that lucky, self-employed bonehead happens to take Mondays off.

I've grown all too accustomed to his Monday morning calls. So when Jared's number faded onto the caller ID, I picked up my phone and without even saying hello I mumbled, "Dude, I don't know where it is."

And Jared was like, "Are you sure you don't know where it is? Because I really can't find the dog brush anywhere."

"Is it in the dog brush basket," I asked?

"Nope."

"Then I really don't know where it is."

Ten minutes later, the phone rang again.

"Amy," he said, "do you know where my keys are?"

"Are they on your key hook," I asked?

"No. Any other ideas where they might be?"

And this time, instead of lecturing my six-foot husband, I decided to try something new.

"Ummm....check the dryer," I said. "I'm pretty sure I saw them on top of the dryer."

So Jared ran down the basement stairs to look on top of the dryer. No luck.

"You know," I continued, "I feel like I saw your keys in James's room. Sometimes he takes things. You should go up look on his nightstand."

So Jared ran up two flights of stairs to our three-year-old's bedroom. Still no luck.

"Try the workshop," I suggested.

And down, down, down he went.

"What about the guest room," I mentioned?

And Jared went up, up, up.

Then back down to rifle through his ski bag, back up to look inside the bathroom cabinet, out to the garage to scour the shelves, and back up to the closet--you know, strictly for entertainment purposes.

And then, only after three trips up, three trips down and one trip into the sub zero elements did it finally dawn on Jared...he married a total and complete $^!%head.

27 comments:

Sarah said...

You're so stinkin smart it kills me! I MUST try this evil little trick with my always losing things husband!

JustRandi said...

I am SO adopting this method! Sheer brilliance!

dcfullest said...

I must harness your powers the next time my husband ask me where something is in the fridge.

Mrs Furious said...

Love it.
I'm totally doing this.

You know Mr F calls me at least 5 times from the grocery store... EVERY FREAKING TIME... I'm like "milk... M-I-L-K... they keep it cold... check the refrigerated section... the one with a big sign that says Dairy on top of it."

I wish I was kidding. It's like his brain is a vacuum.

RazZDoodle said...

Classic. Of course, I won't be forwarding this to my wife.

Maraiya said...

You are a loving wife making sure your husband gets his cardio workout for the day; way. to. go.

Katy said...

good strategy!

12ontheinside said...

HA HA HA! Loved it.

Cheryl said...

Amy, you're hilarious! Wish I'd thought of this years ago with my hubby. And how did men ever find anything before they got married?!

Erik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erik said...

You are so wrong...

Ha

E

vkrem1dm said...

Health Fitness goal: 10,000 steps a day. Unless Amy is your spouse and then the number is jacked up to about 15,000....

Jared said...

That was very mean

Amy said...

Sneaky.

Michemily said...

If you don't want him weighing less than you, don't hustle him around like that! Ha ha.

V and Co. said...

okay you did it i peed my pants laughing at your comment, good job! now i have to go change the pj's i'm wearing. oh and now two hairy men have slept on them AND one lam-o lady peed on them as well! it's a good thing i don't know you in person i'd have to wear a maxi pad every time i were to be around you. oh wait i have 4 kids, i have to do that anyways.

Minnie said...

I love it.

That' had me giggling at my desk.

Grandma said...

Jared, Amy was just trying to give you an aerobic workout!

Miranda said...

Oh I love your wit...I need to remember that next time I get a call from the hubby lookin' for something.

So...where were the keys?

NorahS said...

This? Is freakin' hilarious. You are a bad, bad (did I mention hilarious?) wife. I'm taking notes!!!

the MomBabe said...

I'm so going to do this.

Amylouwho said...

hehehe! You are an evil genius. I wish we had stairs in our house. I may try it anyway.

Shelby Lou said...

i just laughed so hard. oh my gosh.

that is sooo funny

Sarah Blue said...

I LOVE this post! That is absolutely brilliant and hilarious. I will have to try it on my kids the next time they ask me where something is. Thanks for a great idea! :)

lisha said...

How you did all that without laughing out loud and giving yourself away I will never know. By the way, I think you are awesome.

Hi. I am Lisha. Nice to meet you.

Kimi said...

That is freaking genius. I'm suddenly wishing we had a two or three story home. Walking around a ground level just wouldn't have the same effect.

Smarry said...

Very nice thanks for the sharing..............

___________________
Smarry
The only Satellite Television Delivers the Best Value in Entertainment