Just Some Randomness

February 2, 2009

I was home sick for the better part of this past weekend, so I'm sad to say that I have no embarrassing stories to spout off to you guys this morning. Not one. What a drag. But remember that 25 Random Things thing that's floating all over the internet lately? Please allow it to be my saving grace.

1. My house is heated with a combination of kerosene, electric, and wood--and even with all of those options, it's still frickin' freezing in there.

2. I have the greatest trashman in the world. He knocks on my door when I forget to put my barrels out and puts them back in the garage when he's done emptying them. I attribute his superior customer service to my superior sex appeal.

3. You know that song "It's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes"? It always seems to come on the radio when my boss walks through the door. This has been happening, without fail, since 2001.

4. I listen to sports radio a few times a week just so I can impress my husband. I like to say things like, "There's a special place in Hell for agents like Scott Borris!" and "No. You're wrong. He is a free agent this year."

5. I make the best baked beans in the entire universe.

6. If I had to do it over again, I'd major in art and marry rich.

7. But since I can't do it over again I plan to help my husband get rich and open an art gallery right near his office someday. It'll do.

8. Sometimes I love my job and other times it blows big, fat, monkey balls. Surprisingly, the times I like my job the most are the times that I'm trying to talk people into giving us money. I'm a pretty good saleswoman thanks to the fact that most people think I'm cute. I'm like, "Oh yeah, I'm totally cute and disarming. Now write me a check!"

9. My husband's office is honestly the nicest looking healthcare office I've ever had the pleasure of walking into.

10. My office on the other hand, has enough Chex Mix mashed into the carpet to keep me nourished for six to twelve weeks.

11. I'm doing a duathlon this summer (run and bike) and a couple of biathlons (run and shoot...at targets...with a rifle). When I told my friend Brendan he shook his head, gazed at his feet and said, "Someone's gonna lose a finger. I can just feel it."

12. There are very few people in the world that I just don't like, but rest assured, there are a few.

13. I like to repurpose old furniture and use it in my house. There's just something about using my Grandma's old sewing table or my mom's old kitchen chairs that makes me feel happy. It's amazing what a coat of paint can do!

14. That little groundhog is a bastard.

15. I think I'd like to have three kids and two dogs.

16. I tried to make Jared some homemade breadbowls this weekend and it was an absolute nightmare. Some things are just worth the money.

17. We're having clam chowder for dinner tonight. James calls in bacon and butter soup. He pretty much hit the nail on the head.

18. I transferred college twice during my undergrad and once during grad school. It's a total pain in the ass to get copies of my transcripts.

19. Sometimes I think I'd like to get a PhD, and other times I think I'd like to become a Medical Assistant. And other times I'd like to be Jared's secretary, or be a stay-at-home woman. Or a professional athlete.

20. I don't give a rip about what others think of my religion. Love it? Hate it? Misunderstand it? That's their issue, not mine.

21. Right this moment, I also don't give a rip about what happens to me when I die. Currently I'm worried about loving my neighbor, helping those in need, and being the very best version of Amy that I can possibly be. If I do those things, and do those things well, I don't think I need to be concerned about my eternal well being. I think there's far too much of an emphasis on personal salvation in most religions, and well, if you participate in religion for the express purpose of saving yourself then it just feels like you're missing something major.

22. I learned number 21 from my Dad. That's why he's pretty much my hero--right up there with Jesus.

23. I think I'm a really great mother, an okay wife, and a pretty crappy employee.

24. When I was a child I formed tight emotional bonds with inanimate objects like toothbrushes and hair clips. I was convinced that they all had feelings and that they all loved me as much as I loved them.

25. Most of the time when I'm sitting in a meeting taking notes I'm actually drawing cartoons of the other attendees wearing nothing but their underpants.

Happy Monday, everyone! Hope your week flies right by!


TUWABVB said...

WOW - I love the way you summed up number 21. It shouldn't be all about ourselves - should it? I think if everyone thought this way, the world would run a lot smoother.

Heather of the EO said...

I love your randomness. That's what makes you so randomly awesome.

My Life & Running said...

Are you serious with #11?? If so, and if my husband ever met you, he would be drooling all over you. FYI.

Thanks for the laugh with #14. Sorry, Phil's my buddy this year... being 80* and all already down here.

Jillybean said...

So, will you be posting the drawings you made of the other meeting attendees wearing nothing but their underpants?

Melanie J said...

Maybe instead of #7, you could have your husband legally change his name to Rich and fingerpaint during the commercials on Oprah.

And I feel you on #24.

Michemily said...

When I first read your first sentence, I thought, "homesick," not "home sick," and I asked myself, "Was she away from home? Where?"

I think you should revise number nine to read, "My husband is honestly the nicest-looking healthcare officer I've ever had the pleasure of seeing." That would be awesome.

Homemade breadbowls? That's awesome. If you get a recipe to work for you, let me know. I'd like to try.


Sue said...

"...if you participate in religion for the express purpose of saving yourself then it just feels like you're missing something major."

I think this may be one of the best things I've ever read. AWESOME.

And hey, what do you mean hair clips don't have feelings?!?!

My world view, it is shaken.

jennie w. said...

AS far as #24 goes, too bad you're not Scientologist. I have a strict scientologist Aunt and uncle and one day as a child I knocked their son--my cousin-- down the stairs. His mother made him apologize to the stairs seeing as how they're actually a person who has been reincarnated as stairs this time around.

Even as a five-year-old I knew that was some crazy shiz.

The Three 22nds said...

21. is good. Just remember that being "good" isn't enough to get into heaven.

Jesus didn't come to make bad men good, He came to make dead men live.

But you don't care what I think about your religion. :)


akshaye said...

Amen on number 21

Morgan and Derek said...

Your #24, yeah, me too. My parents still give me a hard time about not wanting to throw away tooth brushes and shoes... I LOVVVVEEEDD them.

Jes said...

Number 24, me too. Still, and I'm friggin' 32 years old! It's quite a pain for someone who moves from country to country, state to state every few months.

I've read a gazillion of these lists on FB and blogs this past week, and yours is by far the best!

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wendy said...

all good things to know.....I too would marry rich and own a bookstore with attached coffee shop. In a little country tourist town.......and eat truffles on my chair while I talk about all the great books and how rich my hubby is. (rambling)

Nathan Bouchér said...

I was going to leave a comment about how badass #21 is, but that would make me lame and unoriginal . . . two things I most certainly am not. Instead, I'll say this: the comments section of your blog looks like a great place to pick up chicks.

So, ladies . . . how you doin'?

Maraiya said...

I know - everyone else has said it - but I love #21. That's me. Not an original thought in my head. Feel free to bypass any comments I may leave on your blog....

Grandma said...


Betty said...

#24 is me too....i am not alone!
i am not sure if you know which ikea commercial i am talking about, but I DO FEEL SORRY FOR THE LITTLE LAMP!

Laura said...

Any chance you can post the baked beans recipe? I had never had baked beans before and then last Sunday at the Memphis airport I got them from some barbecue place and WOW, I have been missing out!

turtle said...

#24 - You HAVE to see this! It's a Jezebel article that links to a documentary about Objectum Sexuals - people who fall in love with inanimate objects [think Eiffel Tower] and marry them...and sometimes consecrate the relationship! It's totally crazy.


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