Knockers

February 11, 2009

I could really get used to this 48-degrees-in-the-middle-of-February stuff. Really, I could. All day long I've been sitting at my desk, organizing my email inbox, fighting the hard urge to do a lap around the block wearing nothing but some sort of a hand knit scarf.

A little taste of spring'll do that to ya.

I really have no idea where my fantasies toward public nudity originated, but hoo boy let me tell you, they're there.

When I think about it from the practical point of view I usually tell myself, "Amy, of course you want to run around naked. Nudity involves absolutely no ironing and you get the feel the wind through the crack of your ass."

But the whimsical side of me? The whimsical side says, "Amy, let's face it, it's all about the wind and the ass crack thing."

And then there's the honest side of my personality which manifests itself every now and again--and each time it does, I think, "I'd like to know what really happens to a set of honkers after the age of seventy. I've heard they start to look like a rubbery pair of drumsticks...can it be true? If we all walked around naked, I could certainly put this mystery to rest."

Rubber drumsticks. That's gross. But very intriguing.

Are there any elderly readers out there? If so, I hope you'll be willing to confirm or deny?

Thank you!

16 comments:

joolee said...

I'm in my 30s and after nursing 4 children I can only say they resemble rubber chickens. Minus the tough elastic polymeric substance and beaks.

I used to love public nudity. Especially nudity of my a$$ crack. Seriously. I was famous for mooning all the girls in my dorm.

Alas, time has changed all of that. But perhaps with a strategically placed hand knit scarf and a good sports bra....you and I could be running buddies.

But without the running.

Julia said...

I'm no elderly reader, and I have no idea what knockers look like at 70, though I could tell you a thing or two about how they look after nursing 4 children ... like sad little sacks of sand. That's why God invented plastic surgery.

Rachel said...

I just knew Joolee would comment on this post! Commenting about ass cracks and saggy boobs are just too much for her to resist.

Grandma said...

I wouldn't know. However, I did hear Joan Rivers being interviewed about her new book and she said everything just goes to the floor:)

Bootchez said...

I'm not elderly, but I *AM* a nurse, and therefore I have seen more than my fair share of the destruction that time wreaks on everybody (it's a very cruel world). I remember I had an 86 year old female patient, and as I was hooking her up to the heart monitor I apologized for moving her (long, saggy) breast out of the way. She smiled and said "oh, honey, those aren't my breasts, they're just the bags they came in!"

Cheryl said...

I haven't quite gotten to the rubber drumstick stage yet, but why don't you just look at an old copy of National Geographic? That'll give you a pretty good idea. :-)

Katy said...

Amy... Sigh.

Rachel said...

I'm smiling!

miss petite america said...

just hang out in the locker room of your local ymca. the old ladies are never shy about walking around nekkid there.

b. said...

I have no idea...but I've heard that if they are fake and you die...you don't take 'em with you.

akshaye said...

Haha! You are too funny!

Amy said...

An old lady once told me she had to be careful not to tuck them in with her shirt.

carrie said...

I work at an Assisted Living...and I swear if someone falls and needs help up....they are always naked. Every. Time.

So while 70 is a little young around here, I could sure give you the scoop on what happens between 85 and 102. (Imagine long tube socks with a golf ball in the toe...)

Holly said...

I wanna know what kinds of Google hits you get on this blog. Or maybe I don't.

Shelby Lou said...

speechless.

Smarry said...

Very nice thanks for the sharing..............

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