A Very Special Conference Call

March 4, 2009

The vast majority of the time, I feel like I'm a really great mother. So what if my kid only graces the bathtub once a week? He has an excellent sense of self esteem, and that my friends, tells me everything I need to know about myself. Basically, that I'm awesome.

If you stop by our house any time between noon and 7pm, I swear you'll witness an all out self-esteem fest. It's like this:

ME: James, you have the greatest hair in the world.
JAMES: Sanks Mom. I know.
JAMES: Mom? You have da gweatest hayo in da wood!
ME: Oh thanks, buddy! I think so, too!

JAMES: Mom? I yike yer pants.
ME: I like your pants!
JAMES: Wow. We got good pants!

And so on and so forth. Seriously, you should come over. We'll totally let you in on it.

But every now and again, I can't shake the feeling that I'm royally screwing up that sweet little three year old. Take this past Sunday for example...

On Sunday morning, James and I were standing in my bedroom getting ready for church. I helped him into his corduroy pants, selected a blue and white checkered button-down, and quickly realized that my kid would need to wear an undershirt, too. You know, since the temperature in our church building tends to hover somewhere around 52 degrees--on a good day.

Since all of the plain white undershirts were dirty, I grabbed a clean pajama shirt and slipped it over James's head--smiling brontosaurus and all.

"Mommy," James scolded! "Dat is a pajamee shirt! I cannot wear a pajamee shirt to church!"

"Oh sure you can, buddy! Your blue shirt will go over it. No one will see the dinosaur."

"No Mom. No pajamees at church."

"Well, actually James, it's totally okay to wear pajamas to church today," I replied, still not knowing what would come out of my mouth next. "I had a conference call with God and Jesus this morning at 6:30. They want you to wear a secret dinosaur shirt to church today. They were really excited about it."


So I repeated myself. "I talked to God this morning before you woke up..."

"And Desus, too" he interrupted?

"And Jesus, too. They're both hoping that you'll wear a secret dinosaur shirt to church today. And this is the only dinosaur shirt that I could find."

"Oh. Wow. Den I will wear da pajamee shirt, Mom. I will wear it."

And he did. The battle was done, and I was feeling pretty darn victorious until I had a very startling realization--I was scrambling the heck out my child's innocent little brain.

God?! Promoting the theory of evolution?! And dinosaurs?! On a Sunday?! At church?! That's pure insanity!!

"Damn it," I muttered to myself out loud. "I should have picked the shirt with the motorcycle on the front. Absolutely no conflict there!"

See? Sometimes even the best moms are just plain careless.


Michemily said...

Too bad I'm not at your house today. I'm in the need of some self-esteem boosting.

On the other hand, if the results of your conference call say that wearing pajamas under clothing is okay, I just may be wearing black fleece under everything tomorrow . . . toasty.

Brandon Harshe said...

You should be ashamed!

What an atrocity!

Mindy said...

What's up with the church buildings being so cold all the time anyway? I think he'll be okay... by the time he's old enough for that stuff to matter, he'll realize that you're full of crap, so no harm done. ;)

I love your daily affirmations to each other, by the way. I wish my kids did that... maybe we'll have to start. I know! I'll tell them I had a conference call with God...

Mel said...

You know you make me want to move to Maine once and awhile. Then I remember it's colder then Wisconsin and I say forget it!

Anonymous said...

ummm could you hook me up with one of those conference call things?

Grandma said...

Knowing James, I'm very surprised he didn't strip down to the dino shirt to make sure God saw it!:)

jkrunning said...

Did he wear the shirt?
Was he cold in church?
Enough said.

chattypatra said...

Did he tell his teacher about the conference call? Heh.

amelia said...

Hilarious story.

Our Little World said...

Oh man Amy, I was already having a good day, but now it's even better. I think I have a permanent smile on my face! A conference call with God and Jesus?!!!! LOL

Anonymous said...

Too bad I'm not at your house today. I'm in the need of some self-esteem boosting.

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