Amy's Easter Retrospective

April 13, 2009

Everywhere I turn I see blog post after blog post after blog post all about dying Easter eggs--happy children, smiling parents, you know, the works. Now I'm not sure if I'm a craptastic mother or a sub-prime member of the human race in general, but honestly, I detest dying Easter eggs with my child. Or any child for that matter.

I sat back earlier today to reflect upon my unkind feelings, and was quite surprised to uncover the true source of my disdain. It's not what you might think, the mess doesn't bother me one fraction of an iota. I mean come one, we all know that I willingly take my child to the grocery store wearing nothing but grape jelly, snot, and a pair of Bob the Builder underpants.

My bad feelings are 100%, completely due to the eggs themselves. There's no tree to hang them from, my neighbors would look at me funny if I piled them up on my front step, and dude, they get too rancid to even make a decent sandwich out of.

What in the smokin' hell are you supposed to do with those eggs?

Some people would tell me to hide them all around my house and my yard and then let my eager, young child run around to find them. Um, yeah, okay--if I'm gonna go through that much trouble, I'd much rather spend the time teaching my kid to walk to the grocery store and use some coupons to by Mom a dozen fresh eggs, a gallon of milk, a box of tampons and some Jack Daniels chillers. I know I know, how very practical of me.

Other people would tell me put the eggs in my child's Easter basket. Well, only if I have a 2-pound pork loin, half-a dozen oranges, and some fast-acting yeast to go with 'em. Honestly, getting a pink egg for a holiday is only slightly less exciting than getting some poop in your pants on a 8-hour airplane ride--as in, not at all.

It's simple really. I prefer my Easter eggs when they're made of peanut butter and dipped in chocolate. Is that so wrong? Am I the only one? Is there anyone else like me?

17 comments:

Betsy said...

After we colored the eggs, I put them in a pretty crystal bowl and used them as a centerpiece for Easter dinner.

This response is bound to make you hate me, and yet I am about to hit "Publish." I am brave that way.

X-Country2 said...

That's why plastic eggs are the greatest invention in the history of mankind.

Rachel said...

Dyeing eggs? Come on! We get farm fresh eggs already in pretty shades of brown, blue, and even green. I suppose I could just boil them and hide 'em and then still eat them, but why bother when you can do plastic ones?

And as for chocolate eggs - I like the ones that are candy bar flavors! Mmmm!

JAMIE said...

I actually like the taste of hard boiled eggs. But we only make a few, because let's be honest, Candy is WAY better than boiled egss when it comes to basket treats. :)

The Roberts' Report said...

I guess next year you'll be hiding reeses peanut butter cups...;)

The Roberts' Report said...

OK, just on a side note have you read this blog...

www.seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com

It's about a very mormon mom. real or not, but its hysterical!

Mindy said...

We didn't color eggs either... I agree, what do you do with them? Although I hate the mess, too.

Grandma said...

Thanks for faking it when you were here...for mine and James's sake. Next yr. I will just throw them at your car!

Our Little World said...

We didn't color eggs. Too much trouble and then what do we do with them?

Mz. Cat said...

I color eggs every year with my special ed students. This year it was with 6 little boys. After which we pack the stinky colored eggs in to their backpacks and sent them home. Some of these said backpacks are rarely checked for any reason. I sure do not want to be around when they finally figure out where that smell is coming from. LOL!

BTW, the candy they get is usually eaten on the bus ride home, so they are bouncing off the walls upon arrival home. Happy vacation!

jennifer said...

We get together with my cousin's family and dye eggs - have the past five years. We HAD to find a new tradition after we lost my aunt to cancer. We celebrate together on Saturday because Easter Sunday was always Jackie's holiday to host.

OK, on a happier note, we take our share of the dyed eggs to my inlaws on Sunday and have Egg battles. Nothing says Easter celebration like hurling a hard boiled egg at someone's head.

You are invited to both events next year :)

pam said...

oh man, I totally thought this one through recently because I didn't want to dye eggs with my kids either. Here is the train of thought: "I SUCK--no dyeing eggs for easter?! Everyone dyes eggs for easter. We used to dye eggs like a week in advance when I was growing up. And then I'd eat . . . wait a minute." And then I was wholly putrified at the thought of eating nasty hard-boiled eggs that were sitting out for days. And maybe that is why I used to puke so much when I was a kid. Nope. No dyeing eggs for me either.

Cheryl said...

Your mom's comment is hilarious. Now I know where you get your crazy sense of humor. :-)

As for Easter eggs, I prefer the Cadbury ones. YUMMY!

Michemily said...

I like the coloring part, but I hate eggs, no matter how you cook them, unless they are part of something, like a cake. But Cadbury Creme Eggs . . those are something to miss.

Sami said...

I agree. What the heck are you supposed to do with so many boiled eggs? There is only so many egg salad sandwiches you can eat!

Heather of the EO said...

I'm just paranoid. I don't want to hide real eggs because I'm afraid we won't find them until they stink up the place real nice.

So I hide plastic ones. And if the kids don't find those candy-filled treats, then the dog will and everyone is happy! Easter bliss.

Smarry said...

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