Salad Anyone?

April 9, 2009

If this blog still exists when James turns thirteen, he's absolutely going to hate his mother when he reads this story...

In the last couple of months, James has made the transition from sitting to standing when he pees. He was stuck on the fence about his preferred peeing position until two weeks ago. Two weeks ago you see, Jared taught James about the hole in boy's underwear and familiarized him with its oh-so-mighty purpose.

The moment my son realized that his transformer underpants had a special secret hole just for his penis, the deal was officially sealed. Standing it is. James may very well hold the world record for level of excitement in regards to underpants, underpants with willy-holes, and the vast world of willies in general.

Every single time the child decides to use the potty, I can absolutely count on the same ten step process happening:

1) James enters the bathroom.

2) James lifts the toilet seat.

3) James drops his pants.

4) James implements proper use of the willy-hole.

5) James breathlessly screams, "Mom! Come quick! My penis fits in dis penis hoe! Mom! Come and yook! Dis is fantastic!"

6) I yell, "That's okay, buddy! I know it does! That's great!"

7) James repeats, "Mom! Come quick! My penis fits in dis penis hoe! Mom! Come and yook! Dis is fantastic!"

8) Repeat steps five, six and seven over and over and over again.

9) I give in.

10) We have a brief exchange, decide that his underpants and his penis are magical, and the kid finally pees.

Last week, when James was at my mother's house, he entered the bathroom and suspiciously, things remained quiet. My mother, unnerved by the unusual silence cracked the bathroom door to evaluate the situation. And then, just like that, my mother had to fan herself profusely to prevent herself from fainting onto the cold, linoleum floor.

You would have too if you found your almost-four-year-old grandson using your favorite set of salad servers to aim 'it' at the potty. Usually boys use their hands.