HELP, HELP, HELP!!!!!

June 8, 2009

Obviously, I need your help.

Today, since Jared is out of town fishing, I took the liberty of signing up his business (a chiropractic office) to enter a float into the frignormously huge 4th of July Parade that passes right by his office.

Even though it promises to provide buttloads of free advertising to a captive audience of thousands, I absolutely guarantee that he will detest this idea--after all, he hates all manner of holiday fun.

I signed him up on a whim, without any plan of attack, and this is where I need your help.

I need ideas for a float, a TASTEFUL float, that will leave the masses lining up for chiropractic care from the dashing Dr. Lawson.

Here's are my guidelines:

1. It must be catchy.

2. It can be funny, but definitely not inappropriate--that's what this blog is for. As much as it saddens me, I will not even entertain the idea of incorporating potty humor into our fantastic 4th of July parade float.

3. As much as I like the idea of oiling the roads or love-tapping innocent bystanders with our vehicle, we cannot injure people as a means of getting them into our office.

4. No, no, no--we won't drive the Blazer.

5. Nothing bigger than a tractor trailer truck (I'm laughing out loud over here).

6. Yes, we can throw things to the crowd.

Now please, please, please...HELP ME!!!

30 comments:

X-Country2 said...

Oh wow. Sounds like fun, but you're right, what to do what to do? Hmmm, I fly past potty humor and land in 14 year old boy sex humor. Clearly I'm no help.

RazZDoodle said...

Yeah, you lost me at "tasetful".

Vanilla said...

It should be a giant spine with a sign that reads "People who don't need a chiropractor are spineless."

chattypatra said...

How about a dancing skeleton? :)

chattypatra said...

If you go to this link, you'll see a picture of what a chiropractor did for a parade in Atlanta. Pretty clever stuff!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rockyhunter/2444017493/

Lauren said...

Hmm. I don't really understand what chirpractor's do, but what about something like "celebrate your independence from back pain" and you could have a red, white, and blue vertebral column. I don't know if you want to break out the paper mache or just paint something. Chicken wire and tissue paper is always a classic if it doesn't rain.

b. said...

Uhhh...you're cutting it close, no?

Do you mean a float float? (crepe paper cut into a million pieces and pasted on)
or
Drive around on a 4-wheeler and squirt people with a poster taped to your back?
My dear friend had a float in the Rose Bowl competition, I could ask her.

Krista said...

You could borrow a pick up truck, load on a kiddie plastic pool, stock it with fish, and have Jared fishing from it. Just a sign saying, "Tired of back pain? Dr. Jared can hook you up."

Maybe he will learn something from the experience and decide that overnight fishing trips aren't so much fun after all.

Mel said...

What about "Give us a crack will fix your back?"

Red white and blue spinal column is pretty cute too.

Mike Antonucci said...

A giant poster of Arnold as the Terminator with the caption, "Visit Dr. Lawson and your back will be back."

Kim said...

Oh, I like the idea of a huge spine or skeleton with a catchy phrase.

Like, "Back out of whack?" or "Are you well-adjusted?" Something like that. Sorry, my cleverness has worn off for the day--I'll keep thinking.

Heather of the EO said...

I wonder how a person goes about making a giant spine?

Sarah said...

how bout a curvy slide (with spinal column on the side) and you're adorable toddler sliding down it over and over....I'm not so much good with the clever slogans though.

jennie w. said...

I think a pregnant mermaid sounds good.

Grandma said...

You running in front of the Blazer in one of those sequined belly bras.

TC said...

And for throwing off the float, on which I definitely think you need to have a giant red, white, and blue skeleton (not just the spine, since I'm sure he does more than spine work, right?) hanging out with Jared...how about these? http://www.orientaltrading.com/ui/browse/processRequest.do?demandPrefix=12&sku=39/312&mode=Searching&erec=15&Ipp=16&No=16&D=skeleton&Ntt=skeleton&Ntk=all&Dx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&Ntx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&y=0&N=0&requestURI=processProductsCatalog&x=0&sd=Bendable+Skeletons
Or these? http://www.orientaltrading.com/ui/browse/processRequest.do?demandPrefix=12&sku=25/2109&mode=Searching&erec=9&Ipp=16&No=0&D=skeleton&Ntt=skeleton&Ntk=all&Dx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&Ntx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&y=0&N=0&requestURI=processProductsCatalog&x=0&sd=Halloween+Skeleton+Straws

Rhien Family said...

how about you use your patients to run along side the float and hand out free stuff. They could get a free adjustment for it or something...

Good luck on this...

DeNae said...

Love the Terminator idea. I'm thinking that even something as simple as a well-designed t-shirt which is both patriotic and advertising the practice, sported by a bunch of volunteers throwing really GOOD candy or bubble gum, would go a long way. People rarely remember the details of the floats, but if they come home with candy wrapped in papers with your husband's logo on it, then that means they literally took something home with them from the parade, and it has HIS name on it.

Oh, oh, oh! What about those mini-frisbees that you can have stuff printed on? People love those, and you can just have a bunch of volunteers on a flatbed tossing them into the crowd!

Since the 4th of July happens, you know, on the 4th of July, I haven't been to a parade in years. I live in Vegas. Don't judge.

nikkpass said...

Everythings "spine" with us.. :) When I was a chiro assist in college our shirts had 2 handprints on the back that said "Get rubbed the right way have a massage at______/ That would take on a WHOLE new meaning today! lol!!! Sounds like so much fun!

Gina Lee said...

Have people dressed up in skeleton costumes (karate kid style) and have them hand out promotional products.
Oh my goodness... We own a promotional product company. We can hook you up! http://www.advantagepromos.net/

Yes, I look for business anywhere and everywhere. ;)

dcfullest said...

No float ideas, but i think if you throw out candy with memorable personalized wrappers it would go a long way.

The Roberts' Report said...

For some reason I'm feeling inspired by the Greenville St. Patricks Day Parade. Something with that great sloogan "DAMM" drunks against mad mothers. Sweet isn't it?

Andrea said...

Do a western theme with "We get you back in the Saddle". Easy idea

Rosie said...

Is there a theme? Our small town parade always has a theme -- soemthing appropriately patriotic. Whatever it use, mess with it, but use it anyway. And as for throwing something there are only two choices. One is the ever popular candy -- thought it can be expensive and teeth-rotting. The other, and my favorite, is to load a small boat or kiddie pool on that flat bed, fill it with water, and outfit all your chosen participants with those long-shooting water cannons. Folks shoot and load all along the parade route. It's a fun and completely appropriate attention getter. On a hot day, it's alwyas the hands down favorite float in our parade. The rest, my friend, is up to you.

Wild Banks' said...

Have you ever seen the old-style traction machines they used for back problems? pulleys and ropes have the poor guy suspended in awkward angles 'teaching' his back how to behave. I see your wonderful husband tied up in traction, James in a little 'doctor' outfit, and you the lovely nurse. Something about modern chiropractic care awaiting you at..., it can go with the dancing skeletons, and the spine jokes.
I'm still hunting for pictures though I've seen them on M.A.S.H.

Patricia said...

Wear a black sweat suit with a white skeleton painted on it, and paint a little baby skeleton on your stomach. One of my friends did it for Halloween when she was pregnant. It might not be as festive for Independence Day, though...

Allison said...

red white and blue spinal column!! and you could all dress in those skeleton outfits (just like halloween) and pass out business cards!!

mama-face said...

um, i have nothing helpful to say other than I love your blog. I don't think that will help you much with the float, other than make you float on air from the love? Found you through heather at the eo.

LOVE the pregnant runner. :D

Mrs Furious said...

Believe it or not but the FIRST thing I started thinking about when I woke up was "What can they throw from their float?" I remembered at our small town parade that the sewer guy always throws toilet paper. That got me thinking that what you all need to throw is some small "gumby like" mini skeletons... like little halloween toys. Go HERE that is the Halloween section. You might get skeleton decorations for your float, too. And BONUS you can reuse it at Halloween.
DOES IT GET BETTER THAN THIS??!!! "Bendable Skeletons"... come on!

Smarry said...

Very nice ........... thank you for sharing your nice feelings..........

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Smarry
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