Helluva Mood

July 16, 2009

I'm not sure why, but I am in quite the mood today.

For example, a few minutes ago I got an email from "Wells Fargo," telling me that they needed to verify some information on my bank account--specifically my social security number, my account number, and my password. The return email address was something like xyz6272@yahoo.com.

Mmm hmm.

On an average day, I simply delete those type of emails--as well as any messages I receive from orphaned African royalty (Don't you know I already wipe my ass with dollar bills? Why would I bother myself with your silly, little inheritance?). But today is different. Today, ignoring must have fallen right out of my tool box of coping skills.

So, instead of hitting delete I hit reply, I typed "Fu*& You" in the message box (except I used the real word), and then I hit the send button.

I can't say that it completely cured me of my crappy mood, but my goodness, it gave me a genuine rush for a second or two. I felt fabulous.

And now, to continue that fabulous feeling, I'm pretending to be my own secretary. It basically goes like this:

1. The phone rings.
2. I pick it up and say, "Hello, this is Amy Lawson's office. Can I help you?"
3. The person says, "Yes. Is she available?"
4. I say, "I'm very sorry, but she's not. May I take a detailed message and have her return your call?"
5. Then I hang up and call them right back.
6. Then they seem confused that my secretary and I sound so much alike.
7. Then I dismiss their comments with a professional sounding laugh.
8. Then I feel powerful.

So far it's working, I still feel fabulous.

And if that feeling of fabulousness starts to fade? Well friends, that's when a gigantic ice cream sundae will enter stage left.


P.O.M. said...

Wow- first comment. That's awesome.
I, too am the best secretary for myself. But I never give myself the messages. HA! "I looks like POM is in an all day meeting today. Perhaps you can call her back next week."

amylouwho said...

HA! I wish I'd read this yesterday. I need to try these tricks to get out of my foulness. Thanks for sharing and as always, making me laugh!

Rachel said...

When that sundae comes a knockin, I recommend eating some coconut M&MS with it. It's working for me :)

X-Country2 said...

I can't wait until I can use pregnancy hormones as an excuse to be bitchy to people. Right now, I'm just... bitchy.

runningtwig said...

I'm a long time reader and I must comment because lately your posts have been absolutely cracking me up! Good stuff.

Jillybean said...

I would have started with the sundae.

The Roberts' Report said...

Yesterday Larry asked me when I was going to start being NICE. Hmmmm...never.

Allison said...

I also use the "FU" reply to those scam emails. But I usually add something similar to "don't insult my intelligence by attempting to steal my identity"

Michemily said...

I heard that replying will just confirm that your email address actually exists and they'll send more. But anyway, that's hilarious about you being your own secretary. My cousin and I used to call each other's friends and see if they noticed that we weren't really who we said we were.

Taren said...

i love you right now.

Grandma said...

People who still other people's identities should never be allowed to have ice cream again.

Anonymous said...

Very nice article thank you for the posting.............

The only Satellite Television Delivers the Best Value in Entertainment