July 16, 2009
I'm not sure why, but I am in quite the mood today.
For example, a few minutes ago I got an email from "Wells Fargo," telling me that they needed to verify some information on my bank account--specifically my social security number, my account number, and my password. The return email address was something like firstname.lastname@example.org.
On an average day, I simply delete those type of emails--as well as any messages I receive from orphaned African royalty (Don't you know I already wipe my ass with dollar bills? Why would I bother myself with your silly, little inheritance?). But today is different. Today, ignoring must have fallen right out of my tool box of coping skills.
So, instead of hitting delete I hit reply, I typed "Fu*& You" in the message box (except I used the real word), and then I hit the send button.
I can't say that it completely cured me of my crappy mood, but my goodness, it gave me a genuine rush for a second or two. I felt fabulous.
And now, to continue that fabulous feeling, I'm pretending to be my own secretary. It basically goes like this:
1. The phone rings.
2. I pick it up and say, "Hello, this is Amy Lawson's office. Can I help you?"
3. The person says, "Yes. Is she available?"
4. I say, "I'm very sorry, but she's not. May I take a detailed message and have her return your call?"
5. Then I hang up and call them right back.
6. Then they seem confused that my secretary and I sound so much alike.
7. Then I dismiss their comments with a professional sounding laugh.
8. Then I feel powerful.
So far it's working, I still feel fabulous.
And if that feeling of fabulousness starts to fade? Well friends, that's when a gigantic ice cream sundae will enter stage left.