Oh, Just an Update

July 1, 2009
(Happy 30th Birthday, Jared!)

Well friends, as of my appointment this morning, it's official--I'm up 24 pounds and I've never looked better. At least that's what the medical assistant keeps on telling me.

(I love you, Lisa!)

Actually (and I fully realize that according to the fashion magazines I'm supposed to hate myself and wretch every time I look in the mirror right now), I really can't help but agree with her. I'm looking pretty stinkin' cute these days.

So fine, the back of my thighs are a straight-up cellulite horror show. But the rest of me? Not so bad if I do say so myself--and I should know. After all, I see my reflection at least thirty to fifty times daily--you know, every single time I have to stop what I'm doing to get up and go pee.

And no, that is not an exaggeration.

There are many days, today included, that I'll excuse myself from my desk to use the facilities, do my business, and turn on my heels before I even get back to my office, because I have to go and pee again. And friends, these are not false alarms, these are good-old-fashioned fire house pees.

Earlier today, while I sat in the waiting room for sixty minutes at my midwife's office (gestational diabetes test), I used the potty not once, not twice, but five times. James went twice. We earned our stares--every last one of them.

This pee situation doesn't bother me so much during the day--any excuse to leave my work in a cold, stagnant pile is fine by me. But dude, the night times? Not so good. I'm tired, I'm walking into walls, and a couple of weeks ago I actually woke up to find myself standing on the cold tile, jiggling the deadbolt on our mudroom door. Apparently, I was changing things up and planning to go outside to pee in a sleep-walky haze.

Huh. Makes sense. Safe, too.

Anywho, that's about all I've got for this latest update--up some pounds, pee machine, and it now officially take three jabs to get the blood in my veins out of my arm. Oh, and I almost forgot--this season, McDonald's double cheeseburgers are the new apple.

Have a good rest of the day, guys.


chattypatra said...

I wish I had a legitimate excuse like pregnancy for all those trips to the loo, but no, I'm just fat.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JARED!!! Amy is going to bake you a cake and make you ice cream too! :)

Sarah said...

Oh man, I remember those pee-500x a day, days! Good times! I was like..."For the love of God, I need my rest now before the baby comes! Please, I just need to sleep through the night without peeing!" I pondered sporting some depends...ever thought of it?

Anonymous said...

how far along are you now?

Amy said...

Thanks for the update.

Patty said...

I've been thinking this for a while, so I'll just say it now... where's the friggin' belly pics? Why haven't you posted any?

Amber Lynae said...

LOL - I'm still laughing at fire hose pees. That is great, and I can remember those days. The nights I can't remember.... because I was too tired. But I'm certain the situation was just as bad.

Our Little World said...

I totally hear you on the pee thing. I could NOT believe it this time. And 24 lbs, that's it? I bet you are a hot mama. I wanna see pic of that baby bump Amy!

Omgirl said...

You're funny. I like reading you.

Kelly said...

Well, you don't know me and I don't know you, but I am 26 weeks pregnant and boy do I know those sleep induced/hazy walks to the toilet.

Sometimes I just like to throw caution to the wind and go back to sleep when one wakes me. I just really hope I never pee on my husband because although that'd be easy to explain, you'd know I'd be the one who'd have to clean the bedat 3am.

Okay...and besides, it'd really just be gross.

Anonymous said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JARED!!! Amy is going to bake you a cake and make you ice cream too! :)

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