Rain, More Rain, and Really Big Bathing Suits

June 30, 2009

Well friends, it's still raining in Maine. If I had to venture an honest guess, I'd say we've had two or three days of sun during the entire month of June. And according to the ten-day forecast, we shouldn't expect to see the sun until next Wednesday.

Long live the summer!

Swimming lessons started yesterday, and guess what? They were cancelled. Due to thunder.

You see, up here in Maine we don't do swanky swimming lessons in indoor pools--we pay $5 for a snotty little teenager to teach our kids to swim in the lake--the 54 degree lake. As of yet, swimming lesson are still a go for today--you know, with scattered showers and a high of 57.

In honor of the next three weeks, I taught James the word "hell." As in, "This lake is cold as a frozen chunk of hell," and "Why in the hell do you do this to me, Mom?" I'm hoping the extended vocabulary takes the edge off of his discomfort--I know it always works for me.

Oh, and geeze, I almost forgot to mention that James's 4-year-old group lesson is described in the flyer as a "parental involvement class."

Joy above joys.

Not only do I get the opportunity to shiver my cellulite off, but I also have the rare and unique chance to show my half-naked pregnant body to James's friends' parents, a handful of neighbors, and our adorable teenage babysitter (just one more reason not to have sex in high school, honey!).

I mean, don't get me wrong here, I'm all for walking out to the mailbox in my underpants--there's just something about the size large maternity tankini that makes me want to hide. Behind my 45 pound son.

So there ya go. Yay summer!!!


Mary said...

As a child in Massachusetts, I took swimming lessons in a pond - Walden Pond!!

joolee said...

ooooh, I've got to work on my extended vocabulary.......I'll definitely need something to take the edge off a 12 hour car ride with 4 lil ones. And hey, I didn't know cellulite could be managed with shivering!? Oh happy day!

X-Country2 said...

Really? In a lake?! I just recoiled with the thought of lake bottom on my toes. **shudder**

P.O.M. said...

Can't you just sit on the sideline, in shorts? You can always make up some excuse about the doctor not wanting you to go in lake water.

Amber Lynae said...

I am a water snob. I hate swimming in places that I can't see what is swimming with me. I am fine with there being a shark ready to chomp off a leg... I just need to be able to see him. I don't mind wearing a bathing suit because even though I'm large and in charge... I am also VERY white. Any spectators will be blinded long before they have an oppotunity to see my cellulite.

blaine said...

You need to get yourself a stand-in mom for those days. Like in the Sprint commercial where the lady is getting married and they have a stand-in groom. Hire yourself a stand-in mom for days like this.

Anonymous said...

I just recoiled with the thought of lake bottom on my toes.

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