Incoherent Thoughts on Pregnancy

August 12, 2009

I'm reaching that totally fun stage of pregnancy where you can feel little unidentifiable body parts moving around all over the place. And no, I'm not being sarcastic--it's really, really neat. Sure I get the occasional bladder issue as a result of all the wiggling, but honestly, I've never been happier to pee myself every now and again.

Feeling this little girl kick and punch and flip reminds me that, well, there really is a little girl in there.

Profound, I know. As always.

Yesterday my husband's facebook status said something like, "Can't believe we'll have another little one in eight weeks!"

You know? I can't either.

Sure her room is painted, her name's all set, and we have every single baby item we could ever dream of owning, but until she's out--breathing, sleeping, and crying in my arms--I really feel like I can't make sense of it all.

I do know how unbelievably lucky I feel, but at this moment, that seems to be the extent of it.

Lately, when I get up for one of my six nightly pee breaks, I find myself sneaking into James's room--you know, just to check on him. Just to watch him breath and smack his lips for a minute. And every time I do, I feel totally overwhelmed by how much I love that sticky little, back-talking child.

On a typical day he'll get one timeout for swatting at me, a second timeout for using his stuffed animal's arm to swat at me (um yeah, still not allowed), and then he'll cap it off with a 'no dessert' sentence--usually for something super creative. Like using his Power Ranger's legs to move his stuffed animal's arm to deploy a toy crossbow at his mother.

It's super.

But despite the wide variety of four-year-old antics, I love that kid with everything I've got.

Usually, when I'm sneaking out of his room at night, I catch a glimpse of the baby's room across the hall. I see the empty crib, with the quiet mobile, the brand new homemade curtains, and I just can't help but get choked up.

It's a sad choked up because there's no five-month-old tossing around in there. But it's also a happy choked up, because soon enough that very still room will be very, very occupied.

What can I say? I'm totally looking forward to it.

Every day, I'm completely amazed by the people who stop me at meetings, in public, where ever, and say things like, "Oh will this be your second? Oh boy. A second child makes for at least five times as much work. You'd think it's doubles, but that's not the case!" And they anxiously go on to list the four-hundred-and-one challenges associated with a new baby in the house.

I'm never quite sure how to respond, but I have made a solemn promise to myself that I will never say "Why don't you shut the hell up and keep the negative sh!t to yourself?" ever again.

I did that once. Let's just say it ended with a long and detailed apology letter.

I'm also abstaining from retort lines like, "Oh, so you regret having your second then?"

Because that one? That ended in an apology letter, too.

(If you must know, I actually have and apology letter template saved on my hard-drive. Girls like me can use that extra shot of convenience.)

So these days, I try my best to remember my manners and usually respond by saying something neutral like, "Thank you for that information. I hope to find it helpful before or after the baby arrives."

I use the same line when people imply that my uterus might explode into one-million pieces at the mere mention of a VBAC, or when they wrinkle their noses and gasp because oh-my-word, we're naming our daughter a nickname. How will she ever get a job? Won't that sound too casual at her wedding ceremony? But wait, that's if she can't even find a husband to have and hold her with a stumpy little name like that!

Really now, who cares about a name? We're holding out for some exceptionally good looks and some outrageous tap dancing talent. Got that?

And as a side note, the last woman to hit me with the name related nose-wrinkle has a son named "Chick." Let me tell you, I could go on and on and on some more about that naming choice. As in: "Oh, your grown son's name is Chick? Is that short for "Chicken" or does he actually have no penis?"

And now I will stop.

(If your name is Chick, please let me know and I'll send you a personalized copy of that aforementioned apology letter by the end of the work day.)

So anyway you slice it, the point of this post is just to say that I'm really, really getting excited for this new, little girl. It's been a long time since we've had a baby in the house, and let's be honest here, I'm definitely gonna need the diversion when my current 'baby' starts riding the bus this fall.


Vanilla said...

I'm excited for you Amy. And also excited for the live podcast of the birth. What fun!

DeAnna said...

Live podcast of the birth? Gross, but hilarious!

I absolutely love the "so you regret having your second child?" response. I would totally keep using that.

Perhaps I need to have a copy of an apology letter on hand as well?

Anonymous said...

I loved the spirit of this post! This new child is most excellent- as is your first. And if you chose to have three, four or ten, they would all be most excellent!

Danse said...

I know how you feel about the nursery. I'm due around the same time you are and can't believe that in less than 8 weeks I'll have 2 mini-humans in there (I'm having twins).

And also? People need to learn to keep their mouths shut. If one more obese woman tells me how huge I am I really don't know how I'm not going to explode.

JAMIE said...

I'm so happy for you, 8 weeks is nothing! I know what you mean about it not feeling at all real, even more so because of the loss of your little boy. I found myself not wanting to get my hopes up that my pregnancy would result in a crying and snuggly baby! Your little girl will be here in no time, and the world will be right.

You are doing awesome Amy! Keep it up, you can make it through the last bit. Enjoy it!

Samye said...

Don't ever doubt your motherhood skills are going to do great. You were a natural with James, and you will be great with your sweet little girl! get to play dress up this time with the girl....headbands, flowers, all those things that you don't do with boys (or if you do you might cause some problems!!)

Grandma said...

can't wait Amy:)) too bad OUR meeting bridge isn't closer:)) and chick for chicken? I'm asked if my name is short for kitten....meow!

Diana from Dallas said...

my second baby is almost one and I still can remember standing in her empty room in the middle of the night, listening to my 2 year old snoring down the hall so excited I thought I would melt.
the extra work means nothing when kid #1 leans over and gives kid #2 that little kiss that everyone reserves for a tiny baby.

X-Country2 said...

Aww, how exciting!

Chief said...

oh...this is the fun time of pregnancy! I loved the feelings of kicking feet and fist thrusts!

I am a bit out of it though, I was reading your post and saw the mention of the nickname and thought for a second that you were naming her VBAC. I quickly figured it out, (ok, not too quickly) but we know this terrible name you've chosen, or are you waiting so you can avoid the wrinkled nose replies?

Have fun with the next 8 weeks, the countdown begins!

K said...

My name is technically a nickname and I seem to have turned out ok. ;)

Mindy said...

I'm so excited for you too!! Oh, and wait until you're pregnant with your third and you're constantly reminded that it's even HARDER because you're OUTNUMBERED. Or when you only have 3, and everyone tells you that you MUST have 4 because otherwise you have a middle child. Sigh. I'm sorry for your sadness about not having your 5 month old too... I understand. Hugs. :)

RazZDoodle said...

My grandfather's name was chick. I'll email you my address.

Great post, by the way. Makes me want to be nice to MY kids.

Amy said...

I think having a second child doubled the fun. I honestly do.

Marissa said...

I remember thinking, "How am I going to love another one? I will have to share that love."
But it is amazing that the love you have just doubles and triples. There is no sharing of love it just expands.
YAY for only 8 more weeks!

amylouwho said...

Just when I started to get a little teary there with the sad/happy choked up you went on to make me laugh.

You are one seriously talented woman, and I'm excited for you!

And I agree with 1. feeling the baby move is AWESOME. and 2. why do people feel the need to look at you as if you are making the world end by having #2. I can't believe some of the rudeness that came my way when I was pregnant and had my toddler with me. LAME.

Alisha said...

Fabrication. It's not lying. In fact, you're helping the person realize that their view of things is not always the reality. For instance, responding with "I'll pass that on to the couple paying me to carry their child" or simply "I'm just the aunt." It confuses them long enough for you to walk away before they can come up with anything else!

Sarah said...

Oh Amy! I'm so excited for you! I have another friend Amy due in 8 weeks. And more power to you with a VBAC! My aunt did it and had a fabulously smooth VBAC with her second child!

Anonymous said...

My second child was a dream. My first is still highly demanding. You never know what you're gonna get (total Forrest Gump flashback) and you're never more thankful for the variety. Maybe you should just go agead and carry a couple of apology letters around with you and then just let loose. You'll feel better.

Kimi said...

Have you considered selling this form apology letter like selling an awesome term paper. I'd buy for sure.

ps I have like a million kids and it's no'll be fine.

Mrs Furious said...

For the record I think 2 is much easier than one. And I'm not just sayin' that.