Running My Arse Off...Because That's What's Required After a Baby Comes

November 16, 2009

Believe it or not, way back in the day, this blog had a lot to do with running. I was thin, I was fast, I was rich and sexy. I chewed up marathons and spit 'em out for lunch, I had an ass you could easily bounce quarters off of, and obviously, I was my own best friend. My own hero on a good day.

Okay fine, maybe my life wasn't quite that fancy. But I was running thirty or forty miles a week, I had a membership to the YMCA, and I missed the cutoff for the Boston Marathon by seven minutes and some change. Let's just say that I was no stranger to a well-fitting pair of running tights.

These days? Not so much. These days I'm lucky if I can even wiggle a pair of prepregnancy sweatpants over my ham hocks. This new look of mine might be appetizing to a hungry lion, or the Big Bad Wolf, but to the average human eye I probably just seem lumpy.

I've tried and tried over the last two years to keep running as a big part of my life (now buckle your seat belt for a long list of excuses), but with pregnancy, and a cross country move, and a rude reintroduction to New England winters, it's moved to the edge of the map.

Now I've got to say, I commend myself for the things that I have done. For example, I bought a treadmill last winter and get this, I actually used it--for running! You know, as opposed to using it as a shoe rack or as a conveyor belt for home-canning.

I also ran (mmmm, trotted) through my pregnancy up until 30 weeks or so. If you're new to the blog, you can read about my experience of running while pregnant here. And then, if you enjoyed that little story, you can read about the reason I had to stop here. Two most excellent posts if I do say so myself (I know you can manage to make the time, so go and read them).

I really haven't done a bad job by any stretch of the imagination, I simply haven't soared to new heights--and with Jared as the wind beneath my wings (and a constant willingness to hurl me off a cliff), I have absolutely no reason not to. But seriously, my husband is super supportive of my running hobby--"I stand behind anything that gets you out of the house and gives you a bangin' bod," he likes to say. I guess that's probably the reason he sends me to fat camp every summer, too.

OH MY HECK I'M JOKING, PEOPLE! He never makes me go, he only encourages it. By making the initial deposit. And buying me a bus ticket.

OH MY HECK I'M JOKING AGAIN, PEOPLE! Settle down, settle down.

So, without further ado, I give you my tentative race schedule for the next year (which, I reserve the right to change, alter, and/or back out of at any time with no guilt and/or excuses):

11/26/2009: The Chatham Turkey Trot in Chatham, MA. It's a 5k, it costs $5, and I plan to scare precisely 5 five-year-old children when I stuff my 5-gallon ass into some pint-sized running pants (not my line, the 5-gallon ass thing is completely hijacked from Travis Cowing, a laugh out loud funny guy I went to college with).

2/28/2009: The Hyannis Marathon, Half Marathon, 10 km, and Marathon Team Relay in Hyannis, MA. I'd like to commend the race director for developing the very descriptive, accurate, and literal name of the race. I know I'm not confused, and I bet you're not either. Well done Mr(s). Practicality!

I plan to run the 10k, and I abso-fricking-loutely plan to win the female clydesdale division. Because hello!, if it translates into a trophy of any sort, I'll gladly subject myself to a public weigh-in.

5/8/2010: The Polar Bear Triathlon in Brunswick, ME. No no, don't get excited, I still require three lifeguards and a set of water wings when I swim, so I won't be doing the full tri. But sometimes a girl's gotta get her bike on, so I'll be doing the du. Duathlon that is. It's a two-mile run, a twelve-mile bike, and a three-mile run. Unlike the previous race I listed, I plan to come in last--but to come in last with tons of style, of course.

6/2010: The Friends of the Kennebec Rail Trail Half-Marathon in Augusta, ME. It's fairly close to home, it's cheap, and if I get tired of running, it goes right behind a really great diner. I'll definitely bring my wallet along.

And then, depending on how things go (like nursing a baby), maybe a marathon in the fall? Something easy to get to, like the Maine Marathon or the Mount Desert Island Marathon. Who knows? I could be far more interested in wearing velour and eating Snickers by that point., and that would be okay. We'll just have to see.

So anyway, that's that. Let's see how it happens in real life.

19 comments:

Michelle said...

Go for it, Amy! Give me someone to cheer for since I can't seem to get back in the groove myself!

Sarah said...

You're seriously going to run a 5k like 2 days after you gave birth (okay so more like 6weeks or something but it's practially the same!)? You're my hero. Well, that combined with the trout cake...ok the trout cake has a lot to do with it.

Morgan and Derek said...

Go Amy! You can do it! I was running a half marathon until my dang back decided to be extremely dumb. So, since I can't run too, I'll just say it again, "GO AMY!"

Jared said...

Lovely post my dear. Now that is something that your readers can sink their teeth into.
P.S. I love your Ham-Hocks!

Mindy said...

Okay, I have the perfect race for you... our team of 12 needs one more person, and it would be SO MUCH FUN. All you have to do is train to run roughly 16 miles, but not all at once... you'll be running a relay and that will be divided up in three legs. Oh, there's one more catch... you have to come to Utah to do it. You know you want to!http://www.ragnarrelay.com/wasatchback/index.php

Christina said...

I'm doing a 5k this weekend! I probably won't be able to move for 2 days afterward, but hey, I'm gonna finish it dang it! You're line up sounds great! And trust me, I've got some ginormo hocks covered in stretch marks that would put yours to shame!

amylouwho said...

You are my idol! I've been so frustrated with running (or walking fast, or sneezing, or laughing, or coughing) since I had two kids. You see where I'm going with this. I have bladder issues. I guess being prego again isn't helping at all.

Maybe i'll meet you at that diner for lunch :) Mind if I bring along a newborn?

paige said...

this is just what i needed to read today - i'm almost 30 weeks pregnant & wondering if i'll ever run again. i'm gonna set some goals too... My goal of "a 5k in 2010" is sounding kinda weak now...
btw, your blog is *so* hilarious... just what a mama needs when her hilarity runs low.

Grandma said...

flashback laugh about your running skirt.or was it a skort? and also how your ipod was blocking out a noise...you know what I am talking about!!!

Karen said...

Running in Hyannis in February? won't the winter coat and boots weigh you down?

Reluctant Runner said...

Geez, it's been 12 years since I had my second child and my running goals aren't half so ambitious. Your enthusiasm is inspiring!

Katy said...

Yo. Way to tell people where you'll be. Now we're going to have crazy stalkers who will very easily catch up to us while we run.

Joy Through Cooking said...

yay! and for some more motivation... my sis is training for hyannis (the full) so schedule dependent, I might be there :) Ill keep ya posted ;)

Michelle said...

You know what, Amy...YOu're so friggin' awesome that I have something for you on my blog, LOL

X-Country2 said...

Rock star!

Just call me b said...

That's awesome!

The reason I began reading your blog in the first place is because I was in training for my first Marathon (Disney, January 2009)...and a friend of mine sent me yours....as inspiration! And, that it was!

So, go for it! You can do it!

And, bring back that bod! You crack me up!

Team O'Connor said...

Oh you are inspiring Amy. I like to justify my lack of races to the fact that I don't have any friends here that are into that. Well I didn't really before either but I guess I just pretended I did? Either way, I'm re-motivated by your dedication and I will try to make you proud. As proud as you can be for someone you've never met but am separated by only 3 degrees and have lived in the same weird shit hole as.

Chelsea said...

This has nothing to do with this post but I have a question for you if you are up for answering it :). A friend that I grew up with is getting married next month in the Mormon Temple here in Seattle and I was just wondering if you and Jared were married in the temple? Just curious! Until a few months ago I didn't know anything about temple weddings or how they are different from non-temple weddings. I have been following your blog for quite awhile and actually read all of your old posts a while ago...I know you talk about your faith a little bit but I was curious to know more if you are willing to share :).

brokensnowpea said...

Amy, I'll do the 10k in MA with you. It'll give me a reason to get my arse out the door again.