December 28, 2009
Wow. I haven't posted in an entire week? I guess the holidays'll do that to a girl.
I hope everyone out there had an excellent Christmas. I know I sure did. Between the ridiculous amounts of food, the presents (I'll never outgrow my love of presents), a garbage bag filled with those wire toy ties, and a four-year-old who buys the Santa story hook, line, and sinker, I couldn't have asked for more.
You may or may not know that I have a brother-in-law who's serving a two-year mission for our church. He's in the Seattle area and he's been gone since the beginning of this past April. Because our church tends to have crazy strict guidelines for everything from coffee drinking to skirt length, it's no surprise that missionaries have some tight rules about calling home. To be more specific, they can call home on Mother's Day, Christmas, and....oh yeah, only Mother's Day and Christmas.
Insane? Mmm hmm, I'll second that.
Anyhoo, Bryan called home around 7 o'clock on Christmas night and everyone in the family took turns passing the phone around, taking five-or-so minutes to chat. And do you know what the first words out of every single persons' mouth were?
No...not, "I miss you SOOOO much!"
And nope...not, "Merry Christmas!" either.
It never failed. Every single time anyone got hold of the phone, they'd immediately say, "Bryan! You're so fat!"
And then five seconds later they'd be like, "No, dude, you're huge! You look mega fat!"
And then five more seconds later they'd say something like, "Honestly, how much weight have you gained? I never thought you could get that fat!"
The truth it, Bryan's not fat. He was the size of a twist-tie when he left for his mission, he's gained thirty-five-or-so pounds, and now the kid is normal. He looks older, he looks fuller, and like I said, he looks like an average person instead of a pipe cleaner with a face.
Now the diamonds on his argyle sweaters? I'll admit, they're looking very, very stressed. And his suit coat? Well, it's become more of a shrug. And his European Carry-All (read: man-purse)? It's found a new life as a fanny pack. But the guy looks great. Really, really great.
Unlike me, I don't think Bryan has a single ounce of holiday weight to lose. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think I look bad or anything, it's just that this barrel with suspenders is really hard to get comfortable in.
The sweets go in the trash TODAY.