After-Holiday Aftermath

December 28, 2009

Wow. I haven't posted in an entire week? I guess the holidays'll do that to a girl.

I hope everyone out there had an excellent Christmas. I know I sure did. Between the ridiculous amounts of food, the presents (I'll never outgrow my love of presents), a garbage bag filled with those wire toy ties, and a four-year-old who buys the Santa story hook, line, and sinker, I couldn't have asked for more.

You may or may not know that I have a brother-in-law who's serving a two-year mission for our church. He's in the Seattle area and he's been gone since the beginning of this past April. Because our church tends to have crazy strict guidelines for everything from coffee drinking to skirt length, it's no surprise that missionaries have some tight rules about calling home. To be more specific, they can call home on Mother's Day, Christmas, and....oh yeah, only Mother's Day and Christmas.

Insane? Mmm hmm, I'll second that.

Anyhoo, Bryan called home around 7 o'clock on Christmas night and everyone in the family took turns passing the phone around, taking five-or-so minutes to chat. And do you know what the first words out of every single persons' mouth were?

No...not, "BRYAN!!!!!"

No...not, "I miss you SOOOO much!"

And nope...not, "Merry Christmas!" either.

It never failed. Every single time anyone got hold of the phone, they'd immediately say, "Bryan! You're so fat!"

And then five seconds later they'd be like, "No, dude, you're huge! You look mega fat!"

And then five more seconds later they'd say something like, "Honestly, how much weight have you gained? I never thought you could get that fat!"

The truth it, Bryan's not fat. He was the size of a twist-tie when he left for his mission, he's gained thirty-five-or-so pounds, and now the kid is normal. He looks older, he looks fuller, and like I said, he looks like an average person instead of a pipe cleaner with a face.

Now the diamonds on his argyle sweaters? I'll admit, they're looking very, very stressed. And his suit coat? Well, it's become more of a shrug. And his European Carry-All (read: man-purse)? It's found a new life as a fanny pack. But the guy looks great. Really, really great.

Unlike me, I don't think Bryan has a single ounce of holiday weight to lose. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think I look bad or anything, it's just that this barrel with suspenders is really hard to get comfortable in.

The sweets go in the trash TODAY.

Anyone else?

15 comments:

dcfullest said...

I am holding out till New Year's Day, I am a traditionalist :)

My sister who had her baby at Thanksgiving is joining me in a lose the baby chunk challenge.

I told my husband I needed prizes, because I am like a five year old. I wish grown-ups could still get gold stars when we do something good!

Sue said...

Well yeah. You know. I've been working on the couch-to-5k running (/jogging/walking/crawling to my death) thing and I'm adding some weight training and stuff on my off days. But today I start counting calories too.

Yippee.

Sarah said...

No! That such a waste! The sweets go in my belly until they're gone (she types as she polishes off a lindt chocolate bar). Then I don't buy anymore and THEN I hop on a treadmill.

TX Mommy 2 said...

Oh yeah, everything went in the trash Saturday night! But then we made cookies and had ice cream last night... hmmm! No seriously, today back on track w/ food journaling and calorie tracking, plus some more exercise!

X-Country2 said...

The best line from Juno is still "wow, that shirt's working hard." Ha!

Go kick those sweatpants' ASS!

Kirsty said...

You kill me. And your response to Bryan pretty much sounds like all the loving greetings I got from my family when they saw me a year after I moved here from South Africa. Ah.memories.

I'm having a Lets-get ripped or at least less disgustingly flabby Throwdown on my blog. Because I am driven by competition and being able to brag about my accomplishments, I figure maybe others are too. Come check it out

http://momedy.blogspot.com/2009/12/you-have-one-week-until-transformation.html

The not being able to call home more often is second only in "HUH???" to the not being able to tell anyone about your calling until the Sunday you are called (as if anyone is going to say, um no, I don't want that skank teaching my eight year old in sacrament.)

Michelle said...

Too funny, Amy!

I go in for my first WW weigh in Thursday...December 31, LOL

Christina said...

Good for you!! Dieting is so hard, but it's so worth it when you finally start to lose those pounds. Hubby and I went on the South Beach diet a couple months back and it worked wonders! I've never been one for fad diets, but I've lost 12 pounds, hubby has lost about 20. Can't argue with those numbers!!! 11 more to go and I'll reach my goal!!!

Mindy said...

The sweets are gone! (As soon as I finish my chocolate orange.... ;)

Pam F. said...

My husband's granddad asked me Christmas Day, "How much weight have you gained since you married Dewayne?" LOL I love old people. I would have been offended if he hadn't asked that question at the very instant that I was shoveling a forkful of dressing into my piehole. But I swear it has only been like MAYBE five pounds, and I'm running now, so it HAS to be muscle, right? RIGHT??? haha

But seriously, if I see another Oreo truffle or buckeye ball before next Christmas, I will hurl.

funderson said...

Yeah..I'm on the "I'm never eating again" kick already...ug

blaine said...

Go ahead and throw away your treats, but don't come crying to me when there is a news documentary on how the holiday treats are filling up landfills and killing off seagulls. My parents always taught me to finish what I take...so I will not give into your bad habits.

Karen said...

I'm debating between the "going on a diet" new year's resolution and the "stop biting my nails" resolution. Who am I kidding? It'll only last two days no matter which one I pick!

jennie w. said...

Just as soon as I finish my Costco bin of chocolate-caramel macadamia nut clusters!

MAUIGOOSE said...

A PIPECLEANER WITH A FACE HUH?! I WILL HAVE TO MENTION THAT TO "ELDER LAWSON" WHEN I SEE HIM AGAIN.