The Fantastic, Asstastic Photo Challenge of 2010

December 29, 2009

Things are about to get really, really, realllllly fun over here in this crazy little corner of the internet.

Seriously. Fun.

The holidays are over, and I feel very safe in wagering a guess that nine-tenths of the people reading this blog are feeling super-nasty fat. And guess what? On New Year's Day, when you wake up with forty-two Lil' Smoky cocktail weenies, a bottle of wine, and a hairball in your belly (how'd that get in there?), you'll feel even grosser.

I'm just telling it like it is, people. Telling it like it is.

Sure we could do a 'Ring in the New Year Weight Loss Challenge' over here at the Lawsons did Dallas--but really now, how unbelievably boring is that? Everyone hosts a weight loss challenge on their blog...everyone. Even a well trained pomegranate could host a plain-old, no frills weight loss challenge.

And cue the fun.

Over here, on my blog, I'm planning to shake this up a bit with the....wait for it....this'll be good....


Please friends, hold your applause until the end of the post.

Here's how it works: By Sunday, January 3rd at 11:59pm, you will email me a high resolution photograph of your clothed butt. I don't care if it's wearing a Gucci skirt, some high-waisted mom jeans, or a burlap sack--but it absolutely, positively, must be covered in something.

When you send me the picture, please let me know how you'd like to be identified in the contest. You can have:

a) Your name with a link to your blog,
b) Your name with no link to your blog, or
c) A top-secret code name with absolutely no hint or trace of your real identity.

DISCLAIMER: If you chose option c, please understand that my husband Jared will know who the ass is attached to. I'm not that good at keeping things to myself. But don't worry, he's a professional. Jared touches butts all day long--it's the best part of his job--and I promise that he'll view your bottom through professional, sensitive, and medical eyes only.

I'll post the bum pictures in the Fantastic, Asstastic Gallery on Monday.

Then, the contestants will have one week to improve the look of their rears. Walk, run, count points, find a better camera angle, squeeze yourself into a new set of Spanks--it doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that you send a follow-up picture one week later. I'll post the new pictures in the Fantastic, Asstastic Gallery, and we'll let the voters decide...Who's ass is the most improved?

The votes will be tallied with technological precision, and the bums that fall in the bottom fourth will be eliminated.

We'll repeat this process on January 11th, January 18th, January 25th and February 1st--when the Grand Champion will be revealed.

Got it? If not, you can ask questions in the comment section.

But first, just to clear up a few of the details:

1. Send your photos to by 11:59pm, this Sunday.

2. Pictures cannot be doctored in any way, shape, or form--so all you photoshop wizards can sit on your hands. I want untouched photos of the bum you were born with.

3. There will be prizes. Three fabulous prizes to be exact. They'll be revealed week by week.

4. Reasonable cheating practices will be accepted. For example, asking everyone in your email address book to vote for your ass is reasonable. Finding a new can-for-a-day in Google Images is not.

5. I wasn't joking about the 'must be wearing clothing' thing. And while we're on the topic, these photos have to be easy on the eyes, tasteful, and G-rated. I reserve the right to remove you from the contest if I think you're being all gross and whatnot.

6. I'd like to extend an extremely thankful heart to my super talented reader, Jennifer. She created the logo that will continue to grace our presence throughout the competition. Is it a butt? Is it boobs? Who cares! It's fabulous! Jennifer, together, you and I can shrink some asses.

So there you have it--all the motivation you'll ever need to shape up and slim down. Now grab your camera, grab your friends, snap some pictures, and whip that ass into shape!

(...but not until January 5th, you'll have a better chance of winning if your butt looks absolutely horrendous during week one.)


Bootchez said...

Oh, Amy, for cryin' out loud you are just TOO MUCH.

PS. My ass will be on its way to your email inbox very shortly. (there's a comment I didn't think I'd ever type)

funderson said...

AWESOME! Mine can always count on my ass.

BrianFlash said...

No rear end photo from me, but this is the kind of contest that keeps me coming back!

GroverFamily said...

you can count my ass in:) this is going to be fun!

Morgan -Ing said...

Wow. I think this is BRILLANT! I'm tempted to just send my ass pic with full disclosure (as in name and blog name, not "real" full disclosure...)look for it regardless.

GeorgiaSnail said...

It took a couple of days, butt it looks like santa will finally be delivering my Christmas gift~via~your blog....

Thanks from the bottom of my heart....

Mike Antonucci said...

I'm certain the folks at Anti Monkey Butt Powder will be happy to sponsor this.

Razz said...

So basically you're advertising a future posts with a bunch of asses on it. Sweet!

I can't decide between my Gucci skirt or my mom jeans.

Grandma said...

Amy, will there be categories? extra-elasstic, geriasstric, mommyasstic,cellulitasstic,

Krista said...

If you can offer up another whoopie pie in the mail as a prize - you will have a picture of my ass tomorrow! I am still bummed about not winning the whoopie pie contest last time. And really, how can you not offer a whoopie pie? Maybe tastefully paired with a whoopie cushion, for that transformed ass to sit on?

chattypatra said...

A brilliant idea! However, since I have the biggest ass on the planet and am, therefore, a goddess, I will let everyone else enter the contest. You can send me some whoopie pies, though. Can't wait to see those pictures!

Pam F. said...

I LOVE IT!!! Your email inbox will be graced with a photo of my ass this afternoon!

M said...

I am so ass could use the help; I'm just concerned that after a week, I'll still be in the "bottom" 4. Hmmm....

Anonymous said...

Wow. seriously. I love it.

Katy said...

Amy- Oh my. Just, oh my. (no seriously, OH MY.)

Kristine said...

OK,you must have heard my thoughts when I was sitting in the pharmacy the other day staring at the bottoms of every customer who walked up to the counter. I was only hoping that my bottom doesn't look anything like any of theirs! Yikes! I was seriously considering having Heather take a pic of my rear!

Am I the only person who looks at strangers' bottoms and thinks "I hope MINE doesn't look like that!"

Chelsea said...

I don't even know you, but I already love you enough to enter this contest. You have Morgan to thank. My ass is on it's way to your inbox as I type.