Weekend Review

Deceber 14, 2009

I had a really eventful weekend.

On Saturday morning I walked into the downstairs bathroom without knocking. That's when I caught Jared, standing in front of the gigantic mirror, naked, posing like he was in some sort of a fitness competition. The only thing missing was a sequin-studded banana-hammock. But the best part? He was saying, "Man I look good! I look so good!" It was a full second or two before he realized that he had company, and those my friends, were the greatest seconds of my entire life.

On Saturday afternoon, Jared and I went Christmas shopping. In the true spirit of giving (to myself), I bought a half-priced sweater from the Gap. Nothing funny happened. Sorry.

On Saturday night, Gracie ran away. It was pitch black, fifteen degrees outside, and that dog was not wearing her coat. After two hours of driving around with my windows rolled down, calling her name, and looking behind every dumpster in town, she came back home. When I saw her, I was like, "You suck." And she was like, "No. You suck." And I was like, "Nooo. You suck." I'm just kidding, Gracie doesn't talk. But she does suck. I have an eaten up Advent calendar, a new anti-trash electric-shock-collar on my Visa, and more than five-hundred dollars in vet bills to prove her moderate to severe suckage. You know, it's funny--I would never deal with that type of crap from my husband. But then again, he's not striped, and that's why I picked her.

On Sunday morning we went to church. James decided to lip-sync the words to 'Away in a Manger' instead of actually singing them. Due to the fact that my son is the second worst lip syncer on planet Earth (Who's the first? It's Brittany, b!+@#), he called a great deal of attention to himself. What can I say? I was really proud.

And then, on Sunday afternoon I went for a run around the neighborhood. I absolutely wasn't thinking when I picked a pair of mittens to wear during my jaunt. You see, when some dirty-old-pervert offered me some dirty-old-advice, it was completely impossible to give the guy the finger. So I gave him four mitten-covered fingers, and my message wasn't nearly as clear. He thought I was waving. I was not.

How was your weekend?

16 comments:

X-Country2 said...

The fact that you don't have your own reality show is a damn shame.

Michelle said...

Be sure to let Jared know how completely lucky he is to have you for a wife! And we are so lucky to have your blog to read and laugh at your husband.

BrianFlash said...

The dreaded mitten salute. Devastating.

JAMIE said...

Your gesture probably made that dirty old man's weekend! LOL

Amy said...

I, too have had a few choice moments of watching my unsuspecting husband admire himself in the mirror. Great way to start a weekend and a blog post.

Katy said...

I very literally had a LOL moment over Jared not being striped.

Mindy said...

I'm with X-Country2... yours would be a reality show I would actually watch! I'm still laughing about Jared, but tell him not to feel too bad because I do the same thing. I've got damn fine arm muscles, and I'm not going to let them go to waste. ;)

The Roberts' Report said...

I went to the absolute WORST ward activity EVER!! No decorations. No lights. No center pieces. No Santa. No Christmas Carol singing. And tables covered in mold. That I ran to the custodian closet and cleaned in front of every one. Least to say, someone got a NEW CALLING the very next day!!

The Roberts' Report said...

Just in case you're wondering. My calling is not and was not activities chairman!

chattypatra said...

Hahaha! Rachel, I can totally see you doing that.

Hey, Amy, it's Britney, b*&#@! :-p

Seriously, though, that was a great post. Thanks for not posting pictures with this one! :)

Grandma said...

Remember when the kid in Dallas said "Can I pet your tiger?" I was so relieved to hear she brought herself home. Crazy dog.

V and Co. said...

i wear mittens in my house and outside of my house JUST so i can give my family and everyone and anyone the "mitten wave" everyone thinks i'm really friendly and nice.

paige said...

gloves it is.
& i have totally caught my husband doing similar flex off's... he's not ashamed. He thinks i should be proud. Dang.

Amber Lynae said...

Thank you for the reminder of why I prefer gloves to mittens.

Jared in the bathroom posing....LOL. It reminds me of my Brother-in-law who every morning tells my sister, "It happened again..... I got better looking."

funderson said...

Half-priced sweater!!!!!??????
Flippin' sweet, Dog!

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