Just Another Feather in my Cap

January 26, 2010

Contest Update: Let us all take a moment to bow our heads and offer a silent prayer of thanksgiving for the fact that I'm not a cruise director. Or your financial planner. Or the President of The United States. Honestly, if I find this ass contest to be so overwhelming and difficult to manage, what on earth would I do in a position of actual leadership and authority?

I'd hide under my desk and eat Cheez-its all day. That's what I'd do.

So basically, if you're not Bootchez, Maraiya, Morgan, or Smdc, you have until the end of the day to send me an updated picture. Kelly, you can still be in it, too.

Bum's the Word is really carrying the lead. I've said it before and I'll say it again--the girl is playing to win.


And in other news: I recently embarrassed the living hell out of myself. Shocking, I know.

Yesterday morning I picked James up from school, and since it was my afternoon to be in the office, we headed out toward his babysitter's house. As we turned onto Main Street, James casually said, "So Mom. Ya know my new teacher? The one with the really hairy hands? And the really hairy fingers? My teacher who looks like a werewolf?"

"Uhhh, no. I don't know about that teacher. What does he teach you?" I asked, thinking that James might have been talking about a substitute.

"I don't know what he teaches, but he has hairy fingers and hairy hands and he lets us play with his prickly ball. He's just like a werewolf."

At this point, my mind was officially racing. "Did he teach your gym class today?"

"No," James replied. "He's my new teacher at church."

"At church? You have a new teacher at church who's super hairy and lets you play with his prickly ball?"

And James was all, "Yup."

Since I tend to overreact, jump to conclusions, and generally assume the worst about people, my heart was thumping, my pits were sweating, and I was mentally cycling through our Ward list, trying to decide which man is the hairiest, creepiest, and downright evilest.

In a moment of desperation, I dialed my friend Danielle, who's three-year-old son Andrew is also in the class. Here's brief recap of our conversation...

Danielle: Hello?

Me: Try to stay calm while I tell you this. It's completely crazy.

Danielle: Okay.

Me: There's some really nasty creep teaching James and Andrew's Sunday school class. He's super hairy and he acts like a werewolf. And apparently (said in a whisper) he's letting the kids play with his prickly ball. I can't tell you why he only has one ball, but Danielle, this is the worst thing ever. We have to find out who this is. I swear I'll call the cops.

Danielle: It's Matt.

Me: I don't even know a hairy, creepy Matt! They have a stranger in there with three and four year-olds? This is HORRIBLE!!!

Danielle: My husband Matt.

Me: Oh.

Danielle: James gave Andrew a prickly, rubber ball for his birthday.

Me: Right. Welp, send Matt my love!

Just another feather in my cap, people. Just another feather in my cap.


GroverFamily said...

i sent a picture i guess you didnt get the email i will send it again

Amy said...

Amanda (and everyone else) if you've sent a pic, I have it. If you haven't, send one along.

Mindy said...

Oh, Amy... you do get yourself into predicaments, don't you? Thanks for the laugh this morning (hairy, prickly balls...hehhehahhahahahhooooo).

vkrem1dm said...

Thanks for great story. Is your friend able to laugh about it yet?

Bahston Beans said...

Werewolves are very hip right now! Just try to change it to "James thought he was Taylor Lautner". That should soften it!

Krista said...

LOL - at least you didn't overreact, right?

Katy said...

Slick, Amy.

Mike Russell said...

Parental oversight gone haywire. At least it was your friend's husband and the two of you avoided a witch hunt together.

It could have been worse!

Karen said...

I can't help laughing.....sorry!

Amy said...

Man, we don't have werewolves teach children at my church. Lucky!

Jes said...

That was the laugh I needed today. Thank you!

Q&A said...


X-Country2 said...

Dude, I have a furry husband too. It doesn't faze us wives of warewolves, trust me.

wendy said...

At least you are not one to let things slide.

wendy said...

At least you are not one to let things slide.

Cheri said...

Amy, I must start out by saying I have been a lurker of your blog for a few years now. This story had me laughing so hard I cried. My husband yelled out...you must be reading Amy's blog cuz I didn't do anything stupid. He tends to get himself into situations that leave me laughing hysterically until I cry. Thanks for a good laugh:)