You're Right. (did I really just say that?)

February 17, 2010

So. Have you been watching the Olympics? I've got to admit, I'm over it. It's not that the athletes aren't amazingly-incredible-dedicated-better-than-I'll-ever-be people--because they totally are. I just have a short attention span.

Trust me, I want to find myself snowed in with Bode Miller just as much as the girl next door--I've just had enough with all the skiing.

By day three I was like, "The Winter Olympics boil down to three things: skating, skiing, and sledding." Sure I forgot about curling until one fourth of a second ago, but I kind of have a point...don't I?

I know, I'm killing the party over here. And usually that's my husband's job. You know how men are--if it's not a trout or a boob or an Italian sausage, they want no part of it.

Last night, since The Biggest Loser was off the air, Jared and I watched the men's figure skating competition. Let me just say, in no uncertain terms, that my husband absolutely detests men's figure skating. Actually, he's offended by it.

Me? I can tolerate it.

But Jared I'll tell ya, he just sits in his recliner, thinking about submarine sandwiches, pointing his root beer bottle at the television, saying things like, "If you're SOOO talented, and SOOO athletic that you can nail all these impossible, crazy-butt tricks, then why on earth are you wearing puffy sleeves???!!!!??? PUFFY SLEEVES? REALLY BOYS?!?!"

Even for me, a non-lover of the Winter Games, his howling is just too much.

Last night, I'd finally had it. I was like, "Jared. Enough. Once you reach the point where you can do a quadruple anything, you're free to say whatever you want about these guys. You're jealous."

And he was all, "Jealous of what?"

So I pointed to the television just in time for Mr. Puff Sleeves to jump eight feet into the air, twirl around four times, and stick the landing with all kinds of grace. Then, one second later, I kid you not, the guy was pretending to ride a pony.

Pretending. To ride. A pony.

And that's when I said it, the magic phrase I've kept locked away in my woman-vault for eight long years of marriage.

I said, "Jared, you're right."

I also stand offended.

15 comments:

Bahston Beans said...

You should absolutely buy Jared a Johnny Weir poster.

Mike Russell said...

You really should consider enrolling your kids in figure skating out of spite...

The biathlon is pretty tight. Cross country skiers who also have to shoot. And as a bonus, they are all in skin suits. Mmmm...

Pam F. said...

I haven't watched even so much as one fraction of a second of the Olympics. Summer olympics I can stomach. Winter? Not so much.

Allison Rhien said...

I showed my wife how much I love her by letter her control the remote last night (thinking she would obviously pick LOST over Johnny Weir. I had to leave and go to bed when Johnny came on. It was just too assaulting to my masculinity.

Karen said...

The previous comment is hilarious considering it seems like a guy is writing it but apparently his name is "Allison".

funderson said...

Lord have mercy...we had the same issues at our house last night. Only there was no pony riding just pretend "men in tights" ice skating. I finally went to bed in disgust.

BrianFlash said...

He is completely right.

Any sport where the judges get to decide the competition, is crap. But the going down hill at ludicrous speeds is very, very good ;)

P.O.M. said...

I was pretty bummed B.L. wasn't on. Snow Boarding/Skiing is about the only winter "sport" I can watch. And it loses me after a couple minutes.

pam said...

hahaha. very true. Did you see that skater in the lumberjack outfit? Still doing the "ride the pony"? Pure entertainment in a pee-wee herman kind of way. . .

Amy Breeden said...

Thank you thank you thank you!!! I needed a good laugh! You are so stinking funny lady!!! You punch line at the end...so beautiful! I can't wait for the book! Lots of love to you!

dona said...

Amy....

Your family photo in front of the window was lovely BUT has Jared taken the time to look at the way HE dresses? Wide tie, tight pants, thick black belt -- UGH! He doesn't look much better than the guys wearing the "puffy sleeves" skating their asses off. The skaters are wearing a costume and they spend years, if not their whole life, perfecting a sport that takes considerable talent -- they are great athletes!! What's jared's excuse?

Amy said...

Jared needs no excuses...he's above average in every sense of the word. And fear not, if you don't like his church outfit he also looks amazing in ghetto pants, leisure suits, swim trunks, trash bags, flannels, halloween costumes, a football uniform...I could go on and on. Like I said before: above average.

wendy said...

You said it --really!!

I love the figure skating ---but I wish the men?? would wear something a little less tea partyish.

The Marketing Mama said...

That was hilarious. The pony part. OMG. I haven't watched a stitch of the Olympics. Does that make me weird?

Jared said...

I know Dona, years of training dedication, hard, work, perserverance, determination, natural ability etc. etc. And then they go and ruin it with costumes and makeup. It's a crying shame.