Today, my Facebook status update is something to the effect of,
I'm simultaneously convinced that we're about A) become successful beyond my wildest dreams, and B) have to sell everything we own and move into our Toyota Matrix. I'm grateful every day that I'm not married to myself.
Now tell me, is this a solo sail on the crazy ship, or has anyone else every felt this way? Because honestly, deep down in the bottom of my heart, I feel like I'm right on the cusp of something huge, something that fills up every nook and crevice of my personal potential.
And then, on the other hand, I'm pretty well convinced that my life is balancing on a house of cards and there's wind in the ten day forecast.
Let's think about this for a second. If I take the 'cusp of something huge,' add it to 'the house of cards,' and divide by two, what do we come up with? That's right--normal, average, fine, secure.
Chances are, that's exactly how my life will play out. I know this. So the real question is: Why can't I stop the insane mental ping-pong game? Why can't I just be logical and say, "Welp, I guess the gas is going on the Visa this month. We'll pay it off when that check comes in."
Doesn't that direction of thought sound so easy? So simple and appealing? So true?
So completely impossible for me today.
But it does have me thinking about one of my husband's very favorite songs. The lyric that always kills me is at 1:58 and it goes:
Everybody's troubled with the hustle and the bustle,
The payment on the house is late.
If I ever have a problem like that,
I guess I'll be in pretty good shape.
Luckily, the payment on the house isn't technically late. But either way, Ryan Bingham (who may or may not be on the list of people I'd make out with even though I'm married) managed to capture me, and the vast majority of other 30ish year old Americans, in four little lines. That's what I call good music.
So here I am, with two feet, each plotted firmly on an opposing side of the tracks. Half of me thinking that I'm about to put the moon in my pocket, and the other half convincing my husband that the car's about to get repossessed.
Is this normal?
Is this normal?