Miscalculations in Banking

May 31, 2012

I love running around with a jogging stroller, but when I say running around, I literally mean running around.

Running around doing errands with a jogging stroller? Now THAT'S a straight up bed wetting nightmare. And lately, I've been doing a lot of literal running to run my errands.

Does that make any sense?

In other words, thanks to the downtown location of the studio, Maggie and I actually run to the post office, the bank, the pharmacy, the playground (her errand), and Dairy Queen. Actually she rides, I run--lucky little crapper.

So yesterday we ran to the bank--a fancy ass bank with big old heavy freaking doors.

Have you ever tried to get through ANY set of doors with an 8-foot long jogging stroller with bicycle sized wheels? Okay--have you ever tried to get through a set of 900-pounds doors that hate to stay open and want to squash you in their hinges like a hairy little spider?

Yeah, it's tough. And there's only one way in...backwards.

You basically have to throw open the door with every gut you've got, catch it with your ass, and blindly back 'er up with just enough speed and precision to avoid the door from bumping the front tire and tampering with your trajectory and vectors.

So I did it. I threw. I bumped out the backside and made a square catch. And I backed in, in, in...and then DAMN IT...the door slammed right onto my front wheel. And that bastardly thing must have adjusted my angle by at least 45 degrees.

Plus, a little lip on the door was all tangled up with the bolt on my front axle. I was pushing, pulling, spitting, maneuvering, and I'm not even exaggerating, there was a cartoon arrow up above my head that said, FRAZZLED MOM ALERT! And another one that said, CONSTIPATED!

How thoroughly embarrassing.

Dripping sweat, and cursing my existence in this cruel cruel world, I finally backed that thang up all the way into the bank lobby. 

Or so I thought.

When I finished wiping my brow, and my path of vision came into focus, I immediately saw a sign sitting on a desk that said: Matt Dwyer, Vice President.

Nightmare. I'd over corrected my stroller angle and backed all 8 feet of my rig right into the Vice President's office (very nicely decorated, if I do say so myself). 

And then...THEN...I had to open my fat old lips and mispronounce the guy's name.

I looked right at the 'Matt Dwyer' name plate and said, "Oh, hey Matthew Dyer! How'd this happen? You know me and m'little snafus."

Then I RErecorrected my stroller angle, inched my way back, and smacked my front wheel ALL up on his trinket display case. Horror.

So Mr. Dwyer, I'm sorry about the whole thing. But next time I accidentally end up in your office, could you offer me a Tootsie Pop?



Amanda @ Click. The Good News said...

You are hysterical- I miss you- please come back to the blog world more!

Robbin said...

You always make me smile! Thank you for that!

Diana said...

It is even more fun with a double jogging stroller. Of course, soon enough you will miss it. When you have to actually worry about the little one getting into the trinket case instead of you knocking it a little.

Karen said...

The doors in our office have those handicap buttons that the little kids all love to hit over and over again to make the doors open and close repeatedly.....but they work well for getting strollers into the office.

Tara M said...

You've been nominated for a "One Lovely Blog" Award. This is literally one of my favorite blogs to read. See my blog for details:)

Camille said...

I hope you don't mind but I have sent you an email to your Kennebec coaching email address. I couldn't find another way to contact you and I didn't want to call you! Take care!

Mrs Furious said...

Amy, I just wrote you a LENGTHY email which got returned since it's not a current address. I need to send it to you. How can I reach you? rachel at voltagedesign dot com

Katie said...

I agree. Google Reader has a way of getting posts to the readers that you may not have wanted us to read....but I think that I would love, LOVE to email you and tell you what I think about this sad situation.

girlsmama said...

Dear Amy, I hope that you can share that post (that google reader picked up that you didn't publish) with those involved. I pray that all will work out and all will be forgiven. That's what the gospel is all about. I hope everyone remembers that.