A job?? Ohhhh, a job!!
June 14, 2007

It's been a very, very long time since either of us has had a legitimate, paying job. And if you really want to get picky about it, neither one of us has ever had a good job--no health insurance benefits, no vacation time, and I genuinely have no idea what a 401k is. Jared's last job, as the lead dog food stacker at a pet shop, ended about two-and-a-half years ago when he started chiropractic school. My last job, as the whipping girl at a chiropractic office, ended a few weeks before we had James. Trust me, our resumes are awesome.

It's been so long in fact, that the very concept of a job has become rather mysterious to us. For the past several years we've survived off of student loans, various gift cards and bartering. We have a surpirsingly large number of friends who are in similar situations, so we trade stuff with them all the time. We'll be like, "Hey, we'll trade you two pounds of government cheese for that 0% credit card application," or "I'll give you six pirated CDs for that underwire bra that you're wearing." You'd be surprised how well it works. We've gotten very, very comfortable with it.

So my good friend is a dentist, and she needs some help with her bookkeeping. She thought I might be interested. When she brought it up, I was all:

"So you're telling me that if I keep your books, you'll trade me money for it? Gosh...that sounds like a really good deal!"

She was like, "Um....yeah. It's a job, Amy."

And I replied, "Oh right...a job. I didn't realize that people were still doing that sort of thing these days."

She ignored that comment and said, "In a month or two, we'll be able to offer health insurance, too."

I replied, in all seriousness, "Ok...sounds good. I'm going to opt to take the health insurance instead of the money."

She was silent for a moment. And then, in the most loving way possible, she called me a dumb-ass.

You know, I'm not the one giving people money and health insurance just to do a little bit of work. I can think of ten people, right of the top of my head, who would do the very same job in exchange for a used toaster oven and a pleather sofa. So really, when you think about it that way, who's the dummy now?
And I'll tell ya what...when Jared and I open our own practice, we're paying our employees with free rides in the Blazer and pizza coupons. I see no problem with that.


Anonymous said...

Very funny. Gave a morning grump a laugh

Your Dad and I should have tried that. Just think, furniture made out of old gas pipe, our family best all CNG uniforms and vacations at the LNG plant back 40 in Rocky Hill.. Ah the times we would have had. Oh and that bad tooth? No problem a few service tools and a little grit and you're all set

How do you guys survive in this heat? I'll be the puddle of water at Sonnys parking lot tomorrow

Grandma said...

hey have fun w/ anonymous! hi anon...have fun down there and nice of you to take the kids out!! ... yes it is hot down there. When I got there late one night in July and it was still 98!! amy- this was a funny entry...underwire bra, 0 credit card... you are a funny girl...that's my girl..xo

Toad and Sue said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Vanilla said...

Oh no. Please tell me that this isn't going to cut into your blog writing time. If you're like me you won't let it get in the way.

Congratulations on the job... or my condolences, whichever is more appropriate.

The Ramos Family said...

Right now, I would work for pizza coupons, my resume looks slightly dismal right now.

carrie said...

It’s a real shame I don’t know you. I happened upon your blog from a friend’s, friend’s blog. Thanks for helping me kill a good 2 hours of my horrendously boring work day. You are hilarious. I love your posts. If you ever move to Denver let me know. I’d love to audition to be one of your friends.

Vanilla said...

Hey, I'm in Denver too! Let me know when the auditions are.

Toad and Sue said...

You are so great! You are so funny! You are a really nice person! Please don't delete me.

Toad and Sue said...

Do current friends need to re-audition for a "Amy's friend" spot on a annual or semi-annual basis? I'm reeeeeally hoping the answer is no, I get nervous in front of judges.

please atleast try to chuckle before you delete me

Rob & Katy said...

wow... if people are willing to audition for the chance to be amy's friend, maybe i should be auctioning off the opportunity to be her sister on ebay- then i wouldn't have to have a job ever again!

Grandma said...

as her mother,I think I will sell her early writings online.... "My dad is a big man." along w/ original artwork....nah...priceless.