Another Car Wash Story
August 5, 2007

This morning I rolled myself out of bed, took the greyhound out to poop, made breakfast for James, threw him in the tub, managed a tantrum in the tub, whipped up a soy smoothie for myself, got the two of us dressed and we were out the door for church by 8:45. I am so ridiculously proud of this feat, since Jared is still out of town.

Needless to say I was a little disappointed when I slid my key into the ignition and the gas light came on. I was determined to get to church on time, so I kept the old Toyota in neutral as much as I possibly could, and coasted to the meeting on nothing but faith and fumes.

After church was over, James and I headed to the closest service station, The Beer Cave. As I began to pump the gas, I was approached by a 30ish year old woman wearing a black tank top and a shimmery silverish skirt. She was very friendly (and persuasive) when she asked:

"Would you like to have your car washed? It's for a good cause! Only three dollars..."

My windshield was splattered with bird poop, my child was being perfectly patient, and there was a five dollar bill clearly laid out on the front seat of my car. Much to my frustration, I had no solid excuse to decline her invitation. I'm absolutely terrible at saying no without an accompanying excuse, so next thing I knew she was handing me my change, dang it.

Based on the saleswoman's metallic outfit, I assumed that I was supporting a high school dance group with my three dollars. Yeah, no, not so much....I thought wrong. The car wash actually went to support Assassination City Roller Derby, my friendly, local all-women's roller derby league.

Within four seconds, my car was surrounded by 15 or so women with multi-colored hair wearing nothing by tiny leopard print bikinis, lots of tattoos and knee pads. I was like, "Oh my word, James, close your eyes. Now." And as I continued to watch the dragon clad breasts bounce up and down and the pierced lips engage in friendly conversation I sarcastically thought to myself, "Man, too bad Jared's not here for this..."
What is up with me and the car wash this week?!

Oh, and my deepest apologies for the slightly inappropriate picture accompanying today's post, I pulled it off their website. FYI, their bums were a lot flabbier than that in real life.

8 comments:

Busy Little Bee said...

Wow. That is way to funny. Poor little James is getting his dose of female skin too early for our liking. We should worry about such things when he hits middle school, not preschool! :)

That'll teach you to not gas up on Saturday. "Saturday is a special day, it's the day we get ready for Suuuuuuunday." :P

Mystery Sharter said...

Unrelated but on the topic of rear ends - I just went to use the bathroom and apparently I sharted sometime between 11 am and now. News to me! I'll let you guess who this is. :)

Busy Little Bee said...

Er, I mean *to* gas up on Saturday. Wow, was I really that tired when I posted? :)

Amy said...

Jen...I caught what you were saying :) when you gas up on the sabbath, you run the risk of being punished by flabby bikini ladies on rollar skates. We review that in every sunday school lesson!

Oooh, and the mystery sharter. I'm going to have to guess that you're either my brother-in-law Rob, or my cousin Kelly. I'm stumped. Can I have another clue?

Grandma said...

now that is not the "Car Bath" car wash we've been to before!

Amy said...

I'm not too worried about my James being exposed to the female body just yet. I did, however, recently feel the cover-the-kids-eyes urge while watching Supernanny. I don't want him getting ideas from those little hellions. I guess that shows where my priorities are--I'm more concerned with James behaving at home than with upholding the sacred nature of the female body.

Michemily said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Angela Sumner said...

rofl @ this post!! i love that their behinds are a lot flabbier in real life!! hehehehe!!!