August 5, 2007
This morning I rolled myself out of bed, took the greyhound out to poop, made breakfast for James, threw him in the tub, managed a tantrum in the tub, whipped up a soy smoothie for myself, got the two of us dressed and we were out the door for church by 8:45. I am so ridiculously proud of this feat, since Jared is still out of town.
Needless to say I was a little disappointed when I slid my key into the ignition and the gas light came on. I was determined to get to church on time, so I kept the old Toyota in neutral as much as I possibly could, and coasted to the meeting on nothing but faith and fumes.
After church was over, James and I headed to the closest service station, The Beer Cave. As I began to pump the gas, I was approached by a 30ish year old woman wearing a black tank top and a shimmery silverish skirt. She was very friendly (and persuasive) when she asked:
"Would you like to have your car washed? It's for a good cause! Only three dollars..."
My windshield was splattered with bird poop, my child was being perfectly patient, and there was a five dollar bill clearly laid out on the front seat of my car. Much to my frustration, I had no solid excuse to decline her invitation. I'm absolutely terrible at saying no without an accompanying excuse, so next thing I knew she was handing me my change, dang it.
Based on the saleswoman's metallic outfit, I assumed that I was supporting a high school dance group with my three dollars. Yeah, no, not so much....I thought wrong. The car wash actually went to support Assassination City Roller Derby, my friendly, local all-women's roller derby league.
Within four seconds, my car was surrounded by 15 or so women with multi-colored hair wearing nothing by tiny leopard print bikinis, lots of tattoos and knee pads. I was like, "Oh my word, James, close your eyes. Now." And as I continued to watch the dragon clad breasts bounce up and down and the pierced lips engage in friendly conversation I sarcastically thought to myself, "Man, too bad Jared's not here for this..."
What is up with me and the car wash this week?!
Oh, and my deepest apologies for the slightly inappropriate picture accompanying today's post, I pulled it off their website. FYI, their bums were a lot flabbier than that in real life.