August 23, 2007
So I have this friend, and she's fantastic. She's a totally fridazzled type of person who rushes everywhere but somehow finds eight spare minutes to leave the world's longest voicemail messages.
I LOVE her voicemails, and much like getting rich off of real estate, they seem to follow a set formula:
Step 1) The long hi and introduction.
Example: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii [pause] This is Sarah.......
Step 2) The child discipline.
Example: Tess, take the fudgicle out of your sister's hair.
Step 3) The apology.
Example: I'm sorry, Tess is really into fudgicles these days.
Step 4) The story.
Example: You should have seen what she did the other day with her fudgicle, it was insane. But I'll save that story for another day.
Step 5) The reconsideration/dialogue-with-self.
Example: [Sigh] Actually, I'll just tell it to you now, or else I'll forget. So we were driving down the road when Adell unbuckled herself from her car seat, and totally stuck her head out of the sunroof. I was like "put your head back in the car, sit in your seat, or else....."
Step 6) The conclusion.
Example: So anyway, we ended up getting milkshakes from Sonic instead. So that's my life these days. But I was actually just calling to ask you a favor. I really hate to ask, and I know this is a big deal, but I'm wondering if you'd be willing to--BEEEP.
And that's when the voicemail reaches its time limit and has no choice but to cut her off. And of course, the second voice mail she leaves follows the very same formula as the first.
Oh man, I just LOVE seeing this girl's name pop up on my caller ID. SO fun.