How Very Convenient!
September 3, 2007

If you read this blog regularly, then you know that we're Mormon. And if you're tuned in with the universe at large, then you know that Mormons don't drink. You'd be amazed how shocked and confused some people are by our alcohol abstinence. They're like:

So you don't drink?

No.

At all?

No, not at all.

Wow, that's amazing. Would you like a beer?

I really don't have a problem with not drinking--other than feeling like a perpetual child. At dinner parties, the host will often walk up to me with a wine glass and give me the choice of "Chardonnay or Merlot? They're both fantastic." To which I might reply, "Mmmm....actually, I'll have some chocolate milk. And if you could put it in a Dora sippy cup, that would be just lovely."

**Side note: We've had a difficult time making keeping friends here in Dallas**

Two days ago Jared came home with a new pair of flip flops. They were on sale at REI, and he simply couldn't resist the bargain. He walked into the living room and I was like, "Dude, what's on your feet?"

Jared was all, "My new flip flops!"

"No, Jared," I said, "What are those black things on the soles?"

He didn't know. Upon further investigation, we realized that they were screw-on caps. Jared had inadvertently purchased a pair of flip flops with flasks in the heels. Yes, liquor flasks. Really, you could walk around town with a shot of Tequila under each foot. Very convenient for parties, games, and super dull church meetings if I do say so myself.

I would wonder how he missed this sandal feature, but he's Jared, and he misses many of the life's little subtleties, like the cellulite on my thighs. And that, my friends, is why I love Jared so so much.

9 comments:

Jason and Sarah said...

Now be honest Amy, you're just making that up! :) I coulda used them sandals for my little traffic stop ordeal ;)

Grandma said...

look at that name..that is crazy! I was really trying to picture this when I heard about it on the phone!

Marcy said...

OMG I need those. They'll probably make my everyday life more enjoyable LOL

krystyn said...

Wow -those sandals would be a drunk's dream huh? Strange - can't believe someone really manufactured them though.

Brad and Becks said...

is that for real??? i have NEVER heard of such a thing.... but then again.... there are a lot of things i have never heard of because i am Mormon... Speaking of, I have never heard of cellulite.... but thats not cuz i am Mormon.... thats because i have a rock hard bod. seriously, try and find a dimple!!!!! Update on my weight gain: I weigh the same as my husband. I want to die.

Sue said...

I have had that conversation so many freaking times. Except, er, not as funny.

J~mom said...

That is hilarious.

A little side note here...I am not Mormon but I have many good friends that are Mormon. (You ought to move here to Chandler where the wards over floweth.) Anyway, everyone is always shocked that I am NOT Mormon because I am such a darn good girl. ;>) He he he...fooling them all one day at a time....

The Carrie Collection said...

How did I miss those sweet sandals at REI? I guess I quit too early. Damn. I'm always pulling stupid stunts like that. I probably would've worked there longer if I'd been drunk on the job thanks to my AA sandals.

Penny said...

Funny! Very weird novelty.