Amy McSweatpants
October 27, 2007

It's official. I'm legally changing my name. To Amy McSweatpants. I've been considering this shift for almost two-and-a-half years, but yesterday I decided to file the paperwork.

Here's why:

Friday morning I showed up at my babysitting job around eight o'clock. As soon as I stepped inside the front door, Garfield's* mom held up a very attractive sweatsuit. It was bright red, sized 2T, and bore the logo of the Canadian store Roots.

She was like, "Do you want this sweatsuit? Garfield got it for his birthday, but it's way too big."

OF COURSE I wanted the sweatsuit. Actually, I wanted to rip it out of her grubby little hands, stuff it into the deepest corner of my backpack, and peel out of her driveway...you know, just in case she changed her mind.

But I resisted my primal urge and politely replied, "Wow, it's great! Don't you want to hang on to it? Garfield will grow into it."

"No, no. That's ok. We want James to have it."

I followed that up with another "oh no, I couldn't possibly" kind of comment (just to maintain my calm n' cool image), and I watched her face fall into a look of disappointment. She let out a quick, deep breath and carefully replied, "Well, the thing is, Garfield doesn't really wear sweatsuits. But you guys? You are a sweatsuit family."

Ok friendly readers, I want you to reread that last line.

Now read it again.

We've not been labeled as a vacationing family, or an adventurous family, or a fun-loving family. We weren't called a game-playing family or a photogenic family. Hell, we weren't even recognized as a churchy family....

The Lawsons are a sweatsuit family. How flattering.

As I accepted the generous donation gift from my boss, my thoughts spiraled off..."Why would she think that? How did we become a sweatsuit family?"

But my frantic thought pattern was quickly interrupted by James tugging at my pant leg. I immediately shifted my attention to my kid, because I really didn't want him to accidentally pull my britches down. That's not hard to do, considering the fact that my sweatpants have a worn-out elastic waistband.

Yes, I was wearing sweatpants. A five-year-old gray pair from my college bookstore.

And James? He was vying for my attention because he had spilled orange juice on his lap. And he wanted me to sop up the mess before it ruined a perfectly good pair of--yes, you guessed it--sweatpants. He was sporting a pair, too.
And that, my dear friends, is why I'm changing my name to Amy B. McSweatpants.
*Remember, names have been changed to protect the innocent.

15 comments:

Busy Little Bee said...

Hey, at least you got a nice sweatsuit out of the deal! I'd have to change my name, too, but I side-stepped it by wearing the Perfect Fit Boot-Cut Pants from L.L. Bean. They look nicer than sweatpants without losing the wonderful sweatpants feeling. And you can even make them look nice by adding a sweater and penny loafers :)

Rob & Katy said...

and you constantly harass me about my choice of frumpy attire? double standard. i'm going to get my gray elephant pants and wear them for a week straight.

Sue said...

It's one thing to be frumpy, it's another thing to be RUDE. Sheesh. I can't believe she just - said that out loud.

Vanilla said...

Better than being a no-pants family.

J~mom said...

It could be worse, you could be a "velcro tennis shoe family" like mine. :>0 I didn't even know that was a bad thing until I heard it.

Jess said...

I love all my sweatpants. I wish they were acceptable work attire.

Redneck Mommy said...

It could be worse. You could be that redneck family...the ones who always wear ball caps. No matter what.

Hey. It hides my bald spot. Sheesh.

Grandma said...

what would we do w/o our favorite ones??? really???

Karrie said...

I would wear sweatpants every single day of my life if it was socially acceptable. For some reason, they don't like us to teach in sweatpants. Go figure.

Ali said...

I love sweatpants, in fact, I wish I lived in yogaland where all clothes were comfy cozy.

Brad and Becks said...

love your blogs amy....in fact the other day we had an incident that was blog worthy....and brad and i were both like....man, if this happened to amy she would make it the best funniest blog. Brad mentioned we should pay you to write our entries.....

Brad and Becks said...

oh by the way- you HAVE to blog those pics of James in his costume.....That was priceless!!!!!!!

Amy said...

Is Jared going to change his name too?

RunningCrazyAfter3 said...

Don't knock the sweatpants! If I could wear them to work, I would in a heartbeat. And you got free clothes out of the deal...I think you are one smart lady :)

P.O.M. said...

I bought the "velour" sweatpants so I can pass them off as being fancy and therefore can wear them everywhere, all the time.

Just saying "velour sweatpants" makes me think of my parents in the 70s at a tuperware party with gold chains.