He Puts Me to Shame
October 25, 2007

Does your spouse ever leave you looking like some common breed of fungus growing on the inside of a sewer grate?

Mine does.

Actually, he did it to me this morning. Sure I subject him to a brief moment of public humiliation every now and again, but what Jared did today was just, I don't know, over the top?

This morning, I left my husband alone for one hour...sixty-five minutes to be exact. Here's how it all went down:

For some reason Jared didn't need to be at school until lunchtime today. So around eight o'clock I tiptoed into our bedroom, tapped him on the sleeping shoulder and said, "Hey. I'm going to Target. I've got to buy some tights for James."

His eyes creaked open and he was like, "Whaaa?"

"Yeah. The people who read my blog said I should put James in some tights for Halloween. He doesn't have any, so I'm going to the store to buy some."

"Oh my gosh. Ok Amy."

"I'll be back in an hour. Can you get James out of bed when he starts to sing We are the Champions? That's how you'll know he's up for the day."

"By Queen?"

"Yeah."

"Where'd he learn that song?"

"In the nursery at church."

And then he rolled over and covered his head with a pillow.

When I returned from Target one hour later, I walked into the house fully expecting to find a sleeping husband, and my toddler, doing naked jumping jacks in his crib, with a few splashes of urine on the wall--you know, just for an added touch.

But instead, I found: one toddler with a full belly wearing a very clean diaper, no trace of breakfast dishes, an empty dishwasher, piles of neatly folded laundry, and religious hymns playing softly on the radio.

Jared gave me a smile and in an I'M LOOKING FOR APPROVAL kind of tone he asked, "Sooooooo, what do ya think????"

"Ummmm," I replied. "I think you're making me look bad." Because honestly? I would have spent that hour picking my nose and watching The Today Show.

I should go out more often.

19 comments:

Mel said...

OMGosh the same thing happens when I leave Mike alone with Gabe.

He does the laundry, puts them away, vacuums, performs open heart surgery, cleans the cat box and makes a 3 course meal...all in one hour.

It's just not fair. If he did it everyday he'd suck at it too :D

Busy Little Bee said...

That's awesome. I wish my boy would do stuff like that. Unfortunately, he's a lot like a little puppy - I come home to find bigger messes. But he's so cute! But then, he does cook, grocery shop, and keeps the finances in order, so I can't really complain. :)

jkrunning said...

ugh. My husband does the same thing.

He's a keeper that one.

Melinda said...

I always have that underlying feeling that my husband could do my job a heck of a lot better than I can. So unfair!

J~mom said...

Ok, so he can do it one day. But leave him back to back days and see what happens. Then leave him three days in a row. Yeah, you and I could do it one day but not two or three so we know we don't even need to try.

Marcy said...

ROFLMAO I was going to say the SAME exact thing as Lisa (java) leave him with the kid for a week and see how it goes ;-)

Grandma said...

wow...make the Target solo run more often!!!

P.O.M. said...

I'm glad we have so much influence over your decisions. hee hee.

Men - always trying to top us. Well, in more ways than one, I guess.

Candis said...

I've heard that you should be careful how well you do things or you will be assigned them for your whole marriage. Whew! I side-stepped that one.

Vanilla said...

Not only is Jared making you look bad Amy, he's making me look bad too. I'd have gone the picking my nose route.

He has to be stopped.

CollegeGirl said...

Your blog always puts a smile on my face :)

Cathy said...

Target in one hour WITH travel! You are the one who should get the kudos not Jared. I cannot enter those doors without killing at least 2 hours before exiting. Don't tell me you only bought the tights! Then you truly are some sort of superwoman!

Jess said...

Can you loan him out?

Cheri said...

I too have been a lurker up to now. My family (all males) do not understand how I can find one blog soo amusing, but I do.

I am impressed that James wakes up singing We are the Champions. My middle son when he was younger would fall asleep listening to Queen.

As for Jared being superman for an hour....well it was for just an hour..heck I am home today from work and I have done 2 loads of laundry, vaccuumed the living room, swept the kitchen floor and watched my tivod ER from last night. I am now resting (and catching up with the blurfing) but we ladies can do anything for an hour if we put our minds to it.

Don't despair Amy...you are still superwoman to many of us :)

Mother Smuckers said...

That is SO bizarre, We Are the Champions is my wake-up song and I like flicking boogers at Matt Lauer too!


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Marc and Megan said...

I've loved reading through your blog! You have a fabulous husband, who no doubt received some good training from you! I was watching Bruce Almighty the other day and I loved this line by Jim Carey: "Behind every great man there is a woman rolling her eyes."

Life is so much easier with a companion who shares all duties! :)

Mary said...

OK Amy, I think Jared is cool and what a wonderful thing to come home to, BUT my experience has been that when Bill does something good like that, he thinks he can glide on those good husband points for months! So I try not to be too effusive in my praise... after all, no one gets excited when I wash the dishes or fold the laundry.

smartalec said...

Amy, I've been reading your blog for a while now, and I love it! And guess what, we have SO much in common. I went running, once. Also, I have a dog.
Anyway, thanks for making me laugh and keeping me awake in school. :)

The Carrie Collection said...

Don't make fun of me but I just got a chance to use the internet and had to post a comment. I didn't even have time to read your blog but wanted to say that we are going to tear WF up! Hell yes. Basic is cool. I do a lot of pushups and run and stuff but the physical part is my favorite. I hate rolling my shirts and socks and stuff but I'm over half way there! Yay. Well it'll be a few more weeks until I can really read your blog and catch up but I'll talk to you then!!!!