Turkeys Have Feelings, Too

March 17, 2008

Apparently, it's completely possible to scare the shi-tang-tang right out of a turkey. They also know how to fly. Who knew?

Yesterday I was driving on a back country road in Maine. James was strapped securely into his carseat, and we were cruising down the road listening to what is, quite possibly, the greatest song of all time--What It Takes, by Aerosmith. James was staring out the window, composing a verbal inventory of the sights and sounds: twactoh, bawn, moo cow, cah on byocks, etc. (translation: tractor, barn, moo cow, car on blocks, etc.) while I sang to the music and daydreamed of heaven.

More specifically, I was thinking, "When I get to heaven, instead of angels playing harps I'm going to request the Indigo Girls playing this song, for ever and ever and ever..."

As we came around a snowy bend, I was met with a sight that left my jaw hanging wide. It was a long row of turkeys--at least seven or eight of them--flying over the road. Apparently, turkeys aren't much for soaring into the sunset, because these birds were flying about six feet above the pavement.

There was a parade of traffic behind me, so slamming on the breaks was completely out of the question--because seriously, I'd rather have a dead bird to contend with than a Ford F150 Long Bed Crew Cab wedged into my back seat. I simply held my breath and drove straight toward the rainbow of flying gobblers, hoping all the way that one of those monstrosities didn't get it's feedbag thingy stuck in the ski rack on the top of my Toyota.

I closed my eyes for a split-second, anticipating the moment of impact, and was relieved when I never heard any kind of a *thud.* Much to my relief, I didn't open my eyes to find a cartoon turkey with Xs for eyes limply sprawled across my hood. Instead, I found my windshield covered in a turkey poop or two...or four.

I literally scared the shitoodles right out of those ugly birds.

Welp, there's another line item to cross off of my master list of life goals.


Vanilla said...

Shi-tang-tang and shitoodles. That's pure fu-crank-ing genius!

Seriously Amy, I'm LMFAO at those two phrases. I will try to work one of those into a conversation with a colleague today.

Amy said...

Um okay. Glad one person thought at least two words of this post were funny.
I haven't been feeling much love on the turkey post.
I suggest using the two words in an email to your boss. They like that kind of thing--trust me.

Lindsey said...

For a while, my husband called me the bird killer because I could kill birds simply by driving. I killed two of them in a 2 week period. . .with the CAR! It was weird. I think they were confused by the reflective silver color of the car??? I don't know.

The Ramos Family said...

Seriously, only in Maine. Everytime I go home to my parents I know exactly where to slow down in the road so I don't hit a herd of turkeys. Too funny.

chattypatra said...

Ever since I saw that Hitchcock movie "The Birds", I get nervous when a flock (or group) is near, so I admire your composure. I would have probably freaked out! Glad to know nothing major happened to your car. You should send them the bill for the car wash.

Cheryl said...

You'd be surprised how high and how far those ugly beasts can fly. They scavenge beneath my birdfeeders, then my dog chases them. It takes them a while to get going, but they can fly up into the treetops of 100 ft. pine trees!

So, what did James have to say about the turkeys?

Glad you're finding fun things to blog about here in Maine.

Topher said...

lest you think Vanilla is the only person who appreciated shi-tang-tang and shitoodles, I was going to say the same thing as him, only he must have less work to do today and beat me to reading.

Brianna said...

Ah, nothing like closing your eyes when driving through a cloud of birds. Glad you made it through to the other side!

I once hit a bird - and the darn thing got caught under my wiper blade, right in front of me. Talk about eerie! Thankfully it wasn't a turkey (and my dad was along to remove the poor thing while I pulled over and freaked out) - what would you have done with a turkey plastered to your windshield?!

You'd think birds would be a little more aware of their surroundings. Can't they hear the whirring of the traffic?! It's almost like the squirrels who insist on doubling back!

Grandma said...

Glad you didn't wind up with a wattle as a hood ornament.

akshaye said...

Hmm.. bet that road gets busy around thanksgiving.. Did they at least have a Turkey Xing sign? oh wait.. turkeys are not as bright as those deers!

The Dunns said...

Just found your blog. This post gave me a huge laugh, much needed after a long day with three sick little boys here in ever-snowy Alaska. Thanks!