When I woke up and stumbled to my laptop this morning, I was absolutely thrilled to find my email inbox stuffed with messages from my old friend Sarah. I was even more thrilled when I opened all thirty-hundred attachments and found plenty of photos like these:
The crack of my a$$:
Scratching my a$$:
The photos were taken in December of last year, and I honestly don't think I've laughed so hard since that day.
If you're curious to know what's happening in those photos, the explanation is really quite simple--I'm trying to work up the courage to jump backwards off of that faux rock structure. Yes. The faux rock structure that has toddlers standing on top of it.
You see, what I lack in athleticism and bravery I make up for in humor. Sure, I run--and I do it pretty well. But do you know why I run? I run because I am an absolute reject at every other sport on the planet. Basketballs knock the wind out of me, baseballs tend to knock me unconscious, and gymnastics??--well, if you want some concrete proof as to why I'm not a gymnast, you can click on this link and watch my YouTube debut.
The video is over five minutes long, and it might be one of those things that's only funny if you were actually there--I don't know. But if you don't have the time or patience to watch a five minute video of yours truly (and I don't blame you), or if your company has blocked your YouTube access (that stinks), I'll go ahead and give you a written recap:
Part 1: Me jumping off of the toddler friendly faux rock structure.
Part 2: Me jumping off of the toddler friendly faux rock structure in slow motion.
Part 3: A demonstration of my upper body strength.
Part 4: Me performing ariel stunts on a caterpillar
And from that point on, I really don't remember what comes next.
So, if you have nothing better to do, then go enjoy the video. At the very least, you'll get to see some real-life footage of my all-time favorite running partner, Sarah. You know--instead of a hand-drawn illustration of her taking a dump on an unsuspecting homeless man.
Perhaps next week I will post some YouTube footage of me on ice skates. Then I can follow it up with some footage of me filling out paperwork in the Emergency Room reception area.