This One's Gonna Cost Ya

September 17, 2008

So. What brings you to my office today?

"He," I say while pointing my finger directly at Jared's intern name tag, "has no idea what it means to be in the doghouse. If HE gets the farts, he expects ME to sleep in the guest room! Even if it smells like a toxic waste dump mixed with Indian food, I'm STILL the one who has to move! And then....then!.....HE FOLLOWS ME!!!!"

"Amy," he interjects. "I'm your husband, you're my wife, and when you're not trying to knee me in the groin, I actually like sleeping in the same bed as you. Besides...the things I do are not my choice, they're normal bodily functions and I can't help it."

"Yes you can."

Oh. Wait. Hold on a second.

Scratch that.

On the Rocks: The Lawsons do Marriage Counseling is my submission to Sometimes Life is Funny--not a post for my regular, old blog. If you want to read more about our spousal escapades to couple's therapy, you're gonna have to buy the book. And I strongly suggest you do. After all, when Jared threw my pencil holder in the trash I barely hesitated to contact a real estate agent about a very nice studio apartment in New York. Then, when I realized I was broke and that could never afford such a thing, we managed to work through our issues.

Come on now--you know you want to know all of our confidential business. And besides, the book supports a very worthy cause.
(I wonder if I should discuss this with Jared....)


Bahston Beans said...

Will you autograph my copy?

I saw the family on the Today show, I was a mess before work!

akshaye said...

Nice.. great cause too!

Sue said...

Someday I will leave a comment that says something other than, "You are awesome." Right after you STOP BEING AWESOME.

turtle said...

I'm in Sue's boat. I just keep saying "HAHAHAHA" because I'm HAHAHAing. Lame? Yeah. But oh well.

chattypatra said...

I'll buy a copy, Amy, even if I have to sell my blood to do it. ;)

Anonymous said...

I would love to watch the marriage counseling session where you and Jared ask the psychologist if he/she can help you work through the gastrointestinal conflicts at home.