Halloween Costumes

October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween everyone!

Just so you know, please prepare yourselves to be seriously disappointed with James's costume this year. Yes, the craftsmanship is superb, and yes, James pulls off the look like a freaking supermodel, but I'm sad to say that it's a pretty "standard" Halloween costume. And no, he's not a pumpkin. I would never allow my child to be quite that lame.

I think there are three main factors that set me up to fall flat on my face with the *WOW* factor this year:

1. Last year, at age two, I dressed James as Richard Simmons--which was arguably the best costume in the history of mankind. In other words, James peaked at age two. I knew what I was setting myself up for, but I had to squeeze that costume in before my child developed the power to choose. Ya know?

2. My child now possesses a strong opinion, or, as I labeled it above, the power to choose. He spotted a costume on the cover of a magazine in the checkout line, and I rushed home--with a heavy heart--to whip it up. You can bet your bottom but that I'm disappointed he didn't point to Oprah or Elton John instead--but seriously, what can I do? The child is three and he knows how to make my life miserable. I wasn't about to say no.

3. We live in the arctic. We need to make proper provisions for a snowsuit to fit under a Halloween costume. You know, just in case Mother Nature still hasn't gotten laid and decides to dump a foot of snow on the happy little children. So much for my Michael Phelps idea.

But the important thing is--James adores his costume. So much, in fact, that he threw a raging tantrum when I refused to let him wear it to Nancy's Nursery School this morning. I told him he could put it on when he gets home, so I'll unveil this very normal costume at that point.

And, with that, I'd like to leave you all with a question--a discussion point if you will.

What is your most memorable Halloween costume from childhood? Go ahead and post it in the comments. I'll even open up anonymous commenting for those of you without Google accounts.

Here are mine:

1. A Honker from Sesame Street. It was a cheep plastic costume with one of those horrible masks --you know, the mouth slit is like the size of a safety pin so the whole inside of the mask fills up with mouth and nose condensation? It really honked and the front of it said "Honk if You're Happy." I felt really good about myself that night. Thanks, Mom!!!!

2. A cow. My mom never made us our Halloween costumes. From the age of six-and-a-half, we were totally on our own. And that's okay--I owe much of my current crafting abilities to my mother's lack of. Having to make your own costumes for the school play really forces a 4th grader to step up to the plate, ya know?

Anywho, I made my own cow costume in 5th grade and it was entirely inappropriate: cow printed stretch pants, felt horns, a Christmas bell around my neck, and--wait for it--two (2!) inflated plastic surgical gloves twist tied to my abdomen. In retrospect, I looked like a drunk person with 10 schlongs and 2 enlarged prostates. My mom was like, "Perfect. Now go."

I made it on the 8 o'clock news that night. I wonder why. (Melissa or Allison, do either of you still have a picture of that?)

3. A school bus. When I was in high school, my boyfriend and I convinced the clerk at 7-11 to let us take the giant cardboard Wonder Bread display that happened to be shaped like a school bus. In retrospect, I don't think he spoke much English, because once we started unloading the bread and moving that thing out the door he started screaming like a loony--all pointing to his phone and saying "Police! Police!" We loaded that think in the mini-van and never heard a word from the police. So there.

Anywho, we reworked the bus so that we could fit four people in it at a time--me, my boyfriend (we'll call him Eddy), my friend Kimberly, and her boyfriend Nicholas, who happened to be the French foreign exchange student (Nic, if you're reading, thanks again for the help on those quizzes--so what if we were removed from the National Honor Society!)

My dad fashioned some straps so we could wear the bus over our shoulders, and dang, it was a tight squeeze for the four of us. There was a whole lot of shuffling that night. And not to mention, it was a major b***ch getting up and down people's stairs--but we prevailed.

4. The dice was RADICAL! (both times), and my Run DMC (Rest-in-Peace, man) costume wasn't too shabby either.

So now I want to know....what is your most memorable Halloween costume?