Halloween Costumes

October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween everyone!

Just so you know, please prepare yourselves to be seriously disappointed with James's costume this year. Yes, the craftsmanship is superb, and yes, James pulls off the look like a freaking supermodel, but I'm sad to say that it's a pretty "standard" Halloween costume. And no, he's not a pumpkin. I would never allow my child to be quite that lame.

I think there are three main factors that set me up to fall flat on my face with the *WOW* factor this year:

1. Last year, at age two, I dressed James as Richard Simmons--which was arguably the best costume in the history of mankind. In other words, James peaked at age two. I knew what I was setting myself up for, but I had to squeeze that costume in before my child developed the power to choose. Ya know?

2. My child now possesses a strong opinion, or, as I labeled it above, the power to choose. He spotted a costume on the cover of a magazine in the checkout line, and I rushed home--with a heavy heart--to whip it up. You can bet your bottom but that I'm disappointed he didn't point to Oprah or Elton John instead--but seriously, what can I do? The child is three and he knows how to make my life miserable. I wasn't about to say no.

3. We live in the arctic. We need to make proper provisions for a snowsuit to fit under a Halloween costume. You know, just in case Mother Nature still hasn't gotten laid and decides to dump a foot of snow on the happy little children. So much for my Michael Phelps idea.

But the important thing is--James adores his costume. So much, in fact, that he threw a raging tantrum when I refused to let him wear it to Nancy's Nursery School this morning. I told him he could put it on when he gets home, so I'll unveil this very normal costume at that point.

And, with that, I'd like to leave you all with a question--a discussion point if you will.

What is your most memorable Halloween costume from childhood? Go ahead and post it in the comments. I'll even open up anonymous commenting for those of you without Google accounts.

Here are mine:

1. A Honker from Sesame Street. It was a cheep plastic costume with one of those horrible masks --you know, the mouth slit is like the size of a safety pin so the whole inside of the mask fills up with mouth and nose condensation? It really honked and the front of it said "Honk if You're Happy." I felt really good about myself that night. Thanks, Mom!!!!

2. A cow. My mom never made us our Halloween costumes. From the age of six-and-a-half, we were totally on our own. And that's okay--I owe much of my current crafting abilities to my mother's lack of. Having to make your own costumes for the school play really forces a 4th grader to step up to the plate, ya know?

Anywho, I made my own cow costume in 5th grade and it was entirely inappropriate: cow printed stretch pants, felt horns, a Christmas bell around my neck, and--wait for it--two (2!) inflated plastic surgical gloves twist tied to my abdomen. In retrospect, I looked like a drunk person with 10 schlongs and 2 enlarged prostates. My mom was like, "Perfect. Now go."

I made it on the 8 o'clock news that night. I wonder why. (Melissa or Allison, do either of you still have a picture of that?)

3. A school bus. When I was in high school, my boyfriend and I convinced the clerk at 7-11 to let us take the giant cardboard Wonder Bread display that happened to be shaped like a school bus. In retrospect, I don't think he spoke much English, because once we started unloading the bread and moving that thing out the door he started screaming like a loony--all pointing to his phone and saying "Police! Police!" We loaded that think in the mini-van and never heard a word from the police. So there.

Anywho, we reworked the bus so that we could fit four people in it at a time--me, my boyfriend (we'll call him Eddy), my friend Kimberly, and her boyfriend Nicholas, who happened to be the French foreign exchange student (Nic, if you're reading, thanks again for the help on those quizzes--so what if we were removed from the National Honor Society!)

My dad fashioned some straps so we could wear the bus over our shoulders, and dang, it was a tight squeeze for the four of us. There was a whole lot of shuffling that night. And not to mention, it was a major b***ch getting up and down people's stairs--but we prevailed.

4. The dice was RADICAL! (both times), and my Run DMC (Rest-in-Peace, man) costume wasn't too shabby either.

So now I want to know....what is your most memorable Halloween costume?

23 comments:

Sally said...

I loved being Smurfette one year, and of course in the sixth grade my best friend and I thought we were so clever being Salt and Pepper.

Laura said...

I was a can of deoderant in junior high. Definitely the coolest one at school that day!
And a friend of mine dressed up as a positive prego test this year--complete with a yellow painted face (for the end of the stick you pee on!) How's that for original!

Bahston Beans said...

Mom made me wear my dance recital outfit every year!

Amber said...

Hi! Long time lurker, I have been reading this blog for over a year now. You make me laugh on days when I would much rather commit homicide.

Getting to the point. My best costume was in 7th grade, my mom let me go as a prostitute when I went trick or treating with my Girl Scout troop. Not her shining parenting moment, but she did let me borrow her thigh high boots with the stilettos so I have to give her credit.

Erin said...

At a very young age I was Oscar the Grouch...in the garbage can and everything. Then one year my mom dressed my sister and I as giftboxes. Yes, actual boxes wrapped up all fancy. Not very good when you factor in walking, sitting and carrying a bag of candy with your arms extended because you are of course, wearing a big box.

Brandi said...

Hi Amy, another long time lurker. Started reading you about this time last year. Yeah, don't think you will ever top Richard Simmons!

My favorite costume was not really a costume at all. Being in west Texas it is usually extremely warm (hot!) on Halloween so we always had costumes that were comfortable and cool. In the third, grade my best friend and I had planned our costumes (I can't even remember what they were now) and a cold front came in, sleet, snow, the works. Our moms told us it was to cold to go. But, after many tears they agreed but we had to dress warm (meaning our costumes wouldn't show). So my mom fixed us up in layers. We ended up in so many layers we were huge and fat and could hardly walk. We each had one of her wigs with curlers in them because they covered our ears and ended with robes on top of all those clothes. We had the best time and got so much candy because not very many kids were allowed to go that year!! (Sorry so long)

Emily Murdock said...

I'm not going to tell you what my favorite costume was. I'm too offended by your insinuation that my baby is lame because he's a pumpkin this year.
So suck it, Amy. Suck it!

haha just kidding....i love your guts!

Laura said...

My best costume was when I was in college. My boyfriend at the time dressed up as Cousin Eddie from "Christmas Vacation" complete with the white v-neck sweater with black dickey underneath. I was his wife, Catherine and my friend was Aunt Bethany- complete with a (stuffed) cat wrapped up in a box.
We went trick or treating to a few houses and had an up-rooted Christmas Tree roped to the top of my car.

I don't think I've dressed up since. Nothing can compare!

Kita said...

I went as a hooker when I was in high school. My boyfriend decided he needed a boys night out to go party and have fun. So us girls dressed up as hookers with the help of our moms. It didn't take long for the boys to hear about the girls out on the town and soon they were at our sides taking us home. It was a great night. And ya my mom is sooper cool.

AshinMT said...

So i have been lurking around here for a while...
I was a rock star (zebra spandex and pink crimped hair) for like five years in row. Would not go as anything else, except the year i shook things up and went as my grandma...
My brother went as "Grapes" (I am from Montana, our Halloweens were as you describe yours..cold) my mom put him in a purple sweat suit, including one of those hats with only eye holes (also purple) ad pinned purple ballons all over him. Perfect.

Joy Through Cooking said...

When I was... 5 I think... my mom made me a purple fairy princess costume. My mom is NOT a seamstress but first child that I am, she made me this from a pattern. It was light and dark purple, my crown was cardstock cut into points wrapped in foil, and my dad made me a wand from wood - with a star about the size of my head at the time. He painted it red (from leftover paint that he used on lawn furniture I think) and put glitter on it. I still have it, it is in my basement. I played with that wand SO much growing up.

I have a photo of me in this costume somewhere... I need to dig that up!

Another fav was in elem school I was a dalmation - aka a white sweat suit with black felt spots safety pinned on, a white hat with black spots drwn on, and felt ears and one of those rubbery dog noses that smell good in a rubbery kinda way. That was more my moms speed...

We didnt get the fancy store bought costumes but my mom wasnt too crafty either... at least as time went on ;)

Katy said...

Mom is offended. She said she DID help with your costumes. Dad chimed in to say, "Hey! Mom helped... they might not have been GOOD costumes, but she helped."

mommymelb said...

I loved that at our ward party 2 years ago I still fit into my cheerleading outfit from Jr. High! That was awesome!

And I loved the Richard Simmons outfit. That was classic...

P.O.M. said...

I was so boring, I guess. My favorite (and therefore almost every year) was a ballerina. Man, I have issues.

stuffbymichele said...

Hi Amy, I'm a recent lurker. I love your blog, thanks for cracking me up.

My favorite costume was a big pink Easter Bunny. It was really pink footie pajamas with a powder puff pinned on. What made it outstanding was the giant carrot my mom made out of masking tape and painted in the paint booth at work (industrial paint booth meant for electrical boxes). Where she got that shade of orange paint I will never know!

jadine said...

Mine were all lame to accommodate the snow-suit --- Canada's cold at Halloween (which is why I now live in TX!)

I was a big, baggy clown, mostly :( Oh! One year I was a huge pumpkin that my dad made out of wire and vinyl table-cloths. Downsides: no arm-holes and no way to go to the bathroom.

Michemily said...

Hmmm, was I ever anything really amazing? I was an M&M one year. Does that count?

Kitty said...

Howdy, Longtime lurker here...

You know the special class that the nerds go to in 3rd grade to learn about haiku and Greek mythology and meteorology, while their normal classmates are back in their normal classroom, picking their noses, or whatever else their mothers tell nerds "those kids" do to make said nerds feel better about how nerdy they are? Well, my nerd class made plaster masks, and I painted mine as a tiger. I think I won a prize at the school Halloween contest that year. Probably the judges felt sorry about my vast nerdiness and threw me a bone. Hey, I'll take it, I'm not proud.

Anonymous said...

A unicorn, a tree, and a homicidal chicken who would stab people with a carrot.

Anonymous said...

Senior year of high school, my best friend and I dressed up at 3-legged race champions. We tied our legs together, made t-shirts with puffy paint, and pinned a finish line to ourselves, and made gold medals. The best part were the trophies we made out of barbie legs hot-glued to a piece of wood. Yup, just 3 barbie legs sticking straight up and the two of us walking around high school tied together all day.

Anonymous said...

Marie Antionette...But with with gushing guillotine neck gash. My sister was Carrie (Steven King)I found fake blood in my house for years...and the bathroom we prepped in truly looked like a crime scene, bloody hand prints galore.

Grandma said...

I did love that Sesame St. honker costume!

Jonny's Mommy said...

I didn't do Halloween as a kid. I know. I suck. But I hated it and my parents weren't big fans either.

But one year I dressed up as a woman from the Bible. No one in particular, just a flowing gown thingee and a veil draped over my head to make me look...Biblical?

Whatever. It was lame. We went to a church gathering and I felt so dumb. I was like 7 or something.