Lawson Family Update

October 29, 2008

It's been a while since I've posted a good old fashioned Lawson Family Update. So this one goes out to our friends and family who are far away, and also to the relentless stalkers who are desperately seeking more clues regarding our whereabouts.

We'll start with me--the pretty one.

Here is a picture of me eating lobster with my two favorite guys. Despite this fabulous meal, I have still managed to lose ten pounds in the last couple of weeks. No seriously, I have. Seriously.

One cruel symptom of late-term miscarriage is weight gain--typically five to ten pounds. So let's do the math here people...

10 pounds of baby weight + 10 pound of miscarriage weight = 20 extra pounds right before my stinkin' high school reunion

This can only mean one thing: Mother Nature needs to get laid. And soon. Seriously, what a flaming b*tch.

Anywho, I have dodged her shallow game and I'm happy to say that I'm pretty much back to my prepregnancy weight. My fat jeans are too big, my regular jeans are just right, and my skinny jeans? Well they can rot in hell for all I care, because I'll never stop eating cake every day. Ever.

Next, we'll move on to James--the cute one (at least my mother still thinks so).

I'd like to start this update with a suggestion: If your child happens to have a 3-year-old classmate with curly hair named James Lawson, go ahead and pull your child out of school--because seriously, James has been a really bad boy.

Yesterday alone he earned two timeouts from sweet, sweet, sweet Miss Nancy. The first was for hoarding thirty matchbox cars and refusing to share a single one with Willy. And the second? The second was for violently crashing the play shopping cart into the toy shelf, the book basket, the plastic kitchen, and others. By "others," I mean his friends.

He also came home with his head, ears, and the back of his shirt covered in red marker--obviously a two man operation. Apparently he coaxed little Lucy into the marker escapade and cheerfully encouraged her as she scribbled all over Miss Nancy's carpet.

What can I say? We're very proud of the little guy!

And then, of course, there's Jared--the smokin' hot one.

He might be posing next to a poster of the muscular system, but trust me, there's nothing in this man's head except trout. Rainbow trout, brook trout, brown trout...trout, trout, trout.

Oh, wait. What's that you say? You don't think trout sound very interesting? Well, neither do any of our friends or potential friends. Our social life has all but dried up on account of my Jared's obsession with aquatic animals. Thanks hun!

In other news, Jared has taken to leaving random crap strewn all over our yard: chairs, tools, tarps, extension cords--you get the idea. When our meticulous neighbor George keels over from a sudden heart attack, it will absolutely be Jared's fault. But let's focus on the bright side here--if the memorial service is well-attended, Jared will have tons of new people to discuss trout with. I'd call that a win-win-win situation.

So there you have it, life in the Lawson house. Wanna come over?

14 comments:

Lindsey said...

We would have you for dinner for sure. :) (I am not sure we would be willing to come to your house though)

K and/or K said...

A strangers observations:

Lobster with paper cups of soda? Hmmm...interesting.

James in into perpindicular driving? Creative.

Is that a self portrait of your man's muscular stystem? Does he Bow-Flex?

Rhien Family said...

I remember when Jared would corner me at church to tell me about trout- the brown trout, to be exact.

I like fish, so it's ok though.

Brad and Rebecca said...

loved the update....

Melanie J said...

I'm glad my James goes in for more low grade entertainment at school. You know, like writing a story about how he wants to blow the school up so I get called into the principal's office. Like a third grader is a threat. And like 90% of them don't secretly dream of the school burning down.

Laura said...

Well, there ya go--a fishin hubs who leaves crap all over the yard and sleeps on a smokin' hot pad--a real redneck!! Congratulations!
(P.S. Thanks for that electric pad clarification--never heard of such a thing!)

P.O.M. said...

There's way to much trout talk in my world too. We even had it for din the other night because the Captain brought home a crap load after his WEEK long TROUT trip. At least the he picks out the bones for me.

VICKI IN AZ said...

Amy you make me laugh out loud, I would come over in a heartbeat! I even read some of your funny stories to my Jared. He laughs with me!
Vicki

Marc and Megan said...

Did Jared talk about trout when we hung out? Well, if he did, I totally ignored it... so, you can always hope for that with any new friends! But, honestly, whether there's talk of trout or not, we would LOVE to have you guys as our friends, and better yet, neighbors. Have you cleared out your basement for us yet?

akshaye said...

Fantastic update! Talking about trout you should see the new Georgia Aquarium. They figured we are such rednecks down here that there is an actual sign saying "No fishing allowed" ..yes in an aquarium!

Mary Poppins said...

win-win-win indeed. it sounds like you've been tutored by michael scott in the art of conflict resolution.

Michemily said...

This is Michelle. The smart one. The smart one who refuses to turn on the heater. I want an electric mattress pad too!

jadine said...

First, let me just say that you're my favorite.

The end.

Sarah said...

We seriously need to live closer to one another. Because MY husband ALSO thinks that trout are FACINATING! They could talk about fish, you and I could sit around and eat cake and James could play with our baby!