All Hail the Holy Hottness

November 21, 2008

I'm straight and everything, but holy smokes, Beyonce is ridiculously hot. Mark my words friends, if I live to be 100 years old I will still stand amazed at that woman's unadulterated foxiness.

We're just about the same age, me and Beyonce. And whenever I see her, and think about that, I'm just like: Damn. I shouldn't have quit dance class. And it wouldn't have hurt if my mother had been a bit more creative in the naming department either.

I don't watch a whole lot of television, so I just saw this for the first time today. After that clip ended I sat at my kitchen table with my mouth hanging open, cheerio juice dribbling down my chin, my cereal spoon hanging limply in my fist, muttering the words, "Damn boy. You really shoulda put a ring on it..."

I'd give that video a serious PG-13 rating, so I certainly wouldn't watch it at work, or at your Grandma's house, or with six year old boys around--it'll get their wheels turning that much sooner.

And now that I think about it, you probably shouldn't watch it in front of your wife either. Trust me, it'll just cause her to think about what it would look like if she packed herself into that leotard--so she'll probably end up crying for a day or two.

If you do watch the clip, please make note of that spanky thing she does from minute 2:41 to minute 2:44. Sure it's only three seconds, but it's a powerful three seconds. It might just change your life for the better. I personally, have been practicing that maneuver all morning long. I'd like to have it perfected in time for our church talent show later this year.

I guess it's official...I have a girl crush on Beyonce Knowles. It's not any worse than my husband's man crush on Jason Varitek, I suppose.

And you? C'mon and spill it. If you're a boy, name your man crush. If you're a lady, name your girl crush. And if you're dating Beyonce, then please, for the love of heaven and earth, go put a ring on it. NOW!

34 comments:

K and/or K said...

Beyonce is married! With two rings. A fat diamond and a tattoo.

Girl crushes: Robin Meade on CNN in the morning and Penelope Cruz.

littlebee said...

I've had a girl-crush on Drew Barrymore since I was little and saw her as Sugar in "Batman Forever" (1995). It's just grown and grown since then. She's amazing. And I started having a competing girl-crush on Kate Winslet since I saw her in "The Holiday" (2006) as Iris Simpkins, too.

joolee said...

Amy Lawson.

VerWaynia said...

Angelina Jolie

jennie w. said...

Oh yes, Kate Winslet. And KAte Beckinsale and Jennifer Garner.

Jodie said...

LOL! I watched this like ten times yesterday. Now you seriously have to google "Shane Mercado" - he was on the Bonnie Hunt show this week. He can do the dance perfectly. My 4 year old neice is even trying to get the dance routine down.

Gotta admit, i'd like to be able to move like that.

Megan said...

Wow! Now that's dancing. My girl crush is Angelina Jolie. Love. Her.

chattypatra said...

I used to love Beyonce. She was always talking about how she loved the Lord, and he was first in her life, etc., etc. Then she sold out and became a hoochie mama. But you know what gets to me? That she is such a HORRIBLE actress, but she gets work because she is so gorgeous and polite, and charming. I will, however, admit that she is a great dancer and can really sing well.

♪I don't think you're ready for this jelly,
I don't think you're ready for this jelly,
I don't think you're ready for THIS,
'Cause my body's so BOOTYLICIOUS!♪

Girl crush? Currently, Katee Sackhoff, from Battlestar Galactica. In movies? I agree with littlebee's choices.

RazZDoodle said...

Myself. *insert creepy joke here*

I'll just answer for Vanilla and Nitmos now: RazZDoodle

Viv said...

You have to see the Justin Timberlake spoof with Beyonce from SNL.

It is scary that I can't totally pinpoint one girl crush.

Lindsey said...

Oh yes, I googled that video after I watched the spoof with my main man JT on SNL. It was hilarious! I had to watch the real thing, and I too was in awe of those thighs.. I mean, they are SMOOTH! I am jealous. VERY, as I am pretty sure mine only looked like that at 17 and I am QUITE sure they will never look like that again.

Lindsey said...

Oh, and I can TOTALLY do that booty slappin' move.. The thing I CAN'T DO is get up from squatting in a sexy way. No, that just doesn't happen here.

I also thought it might inspire you that I had this very song stuck in my head on tuesday night when I was attending the temple. sheesh... There were just a bunch of ladies all sitting together, and I couldn't resist. oy.

Mindy said...

Kristen Bell. Jennifer Garner.

ClumberKim said...

Tek? Seriously? Bwahahaha!

Still contemplating my girl crush.

Nitmos said...

Well, RazZ is awfully cheeky.

Sorry, Beyonce does nothing for me. I know that's sacrilegious but there you go. She falls into the same category as J-Lo. Not my type. The "junk in the trunk" should be just enough for an overnight stay...not a week long visit.

Grandma said...

I'll see if Miss Beverly has any room in her next jazz or hip-hop class,although you'd be about 24 yrs. older than everyone else. Do check out Justin in the leotards w/ his dancers!!! Should I have named you Amyonce? Not too late to change it!!

Sarah said...

Apparantly she's popular - Angie Jolie. Brad's a lucky man.

A said...

After watching Troy with Brad Pitt on a date with my husband and me sighing a little too often, I asked my husband, who, is the girl equivalent of Brad Pitt? He thought of this for several weeks. Then after watching the superbowl halftime show, when Beyonce performed. His answer was clear.

chattypatra said...

Oh, Amy, have you heard that your girl crush made $80 million in the last fiscal year? Her husband made $85 million. Maybe you should quit running and start working out with the "Buns of Steel" DVDs!

BOOTYLICIOUS!

nicole said...

I'm with Mindy. Kristen Bell. And Kristen Bell as Veronica Mars. Oh, and Megan Fox.

the MomBabe said...

Hmm, girl crush would have to be Gwen Stefani. I love her.

Reluctant Runner said...

I just discovered the on-line web show The Guild and I suppose I have a girl-crush on the lead actress. She's so lovably geeky. Can't remember her name, though...

Beyonce's dancing is amazing -- the combination of sinuous and mechanical movement is really neat to watch.

Holly said...

That's not a real person. They created her with smoke, mirrors and whatever the video equivalent of Photoshop is.
I have to believe this.

Kristan said...

Yeah, I'd take that home, but two questions:
#1: How does she walk in those heels..or dance like that in them?
#2: How does she keep that leotard from climbing to where all her assssets would show?

Charlotte said...

Sheesh, I should have finished reading the post before clicking the video link, because my husband was sitting next to me, talking to his MOTHER, and the video left him floundering for a coherent phrase.

My girl-crush is Lauren Graham- aka Lorelai Gilmore. Though I really do dig the fellas... she is nothing to me compared to George Clooney.

Sami said...

My Lesbian Tendancy? It would most definitely be Jessica Alba. I'm pretty sure I would make out with her in a heartbeat... And my husband would be giddily recording it while I did.

Gina Lee said...

I've crushed on Drew Barrymore since Mad Love. I wanted to be all mysterious and hot like she was. But now I have one on Beyonce thanks to you. That girl can shake it!

Joy Through Cooking said...

Scarlett Johanssen. How am I the only one?????

Katie said...

She is smoking hot! I yelled to DH last night to get in the room to see her performance on the music awards and all I could say is how freakin hot that women is!! I haven't watched the whole link you posted but the routine last night was amazing!

Cheryl said...

Beyonce is going to be on the Ellen show tomorrow (Tuesday). Better tivo it, or set your VCR or better yet, take a day off of work so you can thoroughly enjoy her hotness! :-)

JAMIE RBZ said...

She is smokin' hot! As for girl crushes...umm probably Halle Berry.

Michemily said...

Girl crush? I have no idea. Does it have to fit your requirements for "The List," that is, grade D celebrity? I always liked Jennifer Aniston's hair.

Oh! I know who my girl crush is! Kristin Kreuk!

I also have to tell you, I'm doing some crazy work on my Master's Thesis (and I'm using your blog as an example, I hope that's okay), so I've been re-reading some old posts and laughing just as hard if not harder as when they were new. Ha ha ha. You are very good at making my day.

Omgirl said...

Hi. Lurker here. Found you through my sister Jennie's blog.

I used to love Catherin Zeta Jones before she was big and I realized that I don't like her personality.

Now I'd have to say Kate Winslet, Sophie Marceau, and Cameron Diaz.

Maraiya said...

My 5yo daughter is now completely addicted to this video. She's trying to sing along and shake her groove thing.

My girl crush -- Diane Lane. She's so beautiful but I concur with many of the others listed. There are some mighty fine women out there.