Thanksgiving and Ten Year Reunions

November 25, 2008

I'm going out of town tomorrow, and I probably won't be blogging for a couple of days. It's not like I'll be away from the internet or anything, I'll just be too busy playing hula-hoop on my sister's Wii.

For those who are interested, the tentative schedule looks something like this (stalkers, please take note):

Wednesday Morning: Pick my nephew up in Boston. Allow him to consume McNuggets and orange soda against my sister's will.

Wednesday: Play Wii. Don't give the children a turn. Don't share with the elderly either.

Thursday: Run a 5k turkey trot. Wonder "Why in the hell do I run?" the entire time. Go home and ingest 4,000-6,000 calories with no guilt, because du-uh, I run.

Thursday Night: Write DORK across my cousin's head in heavy-duty permanent marker (it's an annual tradition). Get a serious talking-to from my aunt.

Friday: Practice lines like, "Oh, you're an attorney, too? We've got a lot of those, huh?" and "I'm sure Yale medical school is challenging at times." and "Actually, I think an online master's degree is quite legitimate."

Friday Night: Attend my 10-year high school reunion. Show off my new twenty pounds. When asked about my life, flash the hotty-hot picture of Jared that I posted in the upper right hand corner of this post. Be sure to flash it very quickly.

In honor of my upcoming reunion, I've also tweaked my vocabulary a bit. For example:
  • The word Chiropractor (my husband's profession) has been amended to sound more like the word Physician.
  • The phrase horribly misbehaved three-year-old (my son's profession) has a new pronunciation. It now sounds very similar to the phrase child actor.
  • And of course, the number Less than $30,000 annually, has been subjected to a multiplier. When I say it now, it comes out more like More than $250,000 per year.

And finally, in the spirit of the upcoming holiday--and this very list laden post--I'd like to mention what I'm thankful for this year.

1. I'm thankful for the upcoming Christmas season and all of the new Santa-related threats that I'm able to use on my child. Dude...they totally work.

2. I'm grateful for people who throw their backs out, and then, in their moment of despair, notice our new, eye-catching advertisement in the yellow pages. Ta-da!

3. I guess I only have two.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!


Vanilla said...

You'll also want to practice looking at name tags discreetly while saying "I was hoping you'd be here..."

Happy Thanksgiving Amy.

joolee said...

Wow! If I show this post to my hubby, I'm quite sure he'll change his man crush from Justin Timberlake to Jared Lawson. And now that you mention it, I think "I love being a stay at home mom" sounds uncannily similar to "I'm so overwhelmed I don't have time to brush my own teeth." And you know what they say, "If you've got it, flaunt it!" Work that 20 pounds girl!:)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous said...

For goodness sakes, before reading this I would have went the whole Turkey day without doing anything but eating, now I"m going to have to take a walk or head to the fitness ctr, see why I need your blog in my life!?!?!?!?

PS- I totally tried some of Beyoncé's moves, proud to say without falling over!

Michemily said...

You could add something about how you've become a famous writer . . . just don't mention the "Internet" part. I'm not sure if that's very impressive yet.

Viv said...

Practice pacing the wine, my huge mistake at my 10 year. Have a great Thanksgiving week!

The Roberts' Report said...

Ahhh come one you forgot to be thankful for the removal of pee stained carpet!!

chattypatra said...

You mean, you're not grateful that you left Dallas? ;)

Oh, Amy, I'm sending a BIG HUG your way. Miss you tons. I'm in charge of the turkey this year, so wish me luck. Happy Thanksgiving!

P.S: Is HeWhoMustNotBeNamed in the dog house? Throw him a bone on Thursday, will you. He can't help himself, he's a guy, and they don't know any better!

Grandma said...

I'll pick up a Lexus keychain for you!