Just in Case

Friday the 13th of March, 2009

It's official. Like 87% of my fellow countrymen, my job is officially on very shaky ground. Luckily I'm under contract until the end of next month, but after that, who knows.

Some people would look at the situation and say, "Darn, in a few months I might get laid off. I could be out of a job!"

But not me. I view the situation and think to myself, "Wow, in a few months the sky could be my limit!" or "Wow, in two months I might have a supermodel body from a forced starvation diet!" or "Wow, it's about damn time I live like a doctor's wife. I need my free time. And where's my Lexus?"

Okay fine, I'm not that optimistic. I'm just acting that way.

So today my fine readers, I'm coming to you, looking for some career advice. What in the crap should I do with my life?

Here are a few ideas that I've been bouncing around:

1) I could work for my husband as his super sexy front desk lady. Honestly now, if I was sitting in his front window who wouldn't come in for some routine spinal care? The only problem is as of now, Jared can afford to pay me somewhere in the range of $1.49 an hour. I'm not sure if I'm willing to take a 50% pay cut. We'll see.

2) I could be a stay-at-home mom again. Remember when I used to be a stay-at-home mom? There were lots of blog posts back in those days! But of course there are some issues with this arrangement, too. First, no pay. Second, James is school aged now--I've been working while he's gone in the mornings. I'm afraid I'll become grossly obese if I don't have any work responsibilities to tend to.

3) I could become a police officer. Yeah no, I'm not kidding. Something about the high-waisted pants and the flat-brimmed hat have always appealed to me. I could pass the physical fitness test in a snap, I'm a very responsible driver, and I have a consuming passion for bakery goods. I have a squeaky clean record, but heaven help me if they decide to Google my name. One liners about my ass are all over the internet.

4) I could work for the State of Maine in a cubicle and love every minute of it. (That was just in case they Google me, too.)

5) I could open up my very own cupcake bakery across from Jared's office.

And after that, I'm officially out of ideas. If you have any suggestions, you can leave them in the comments.

And please, share your ideas...my the brightness of my future depends upon your suggestions.

34 comments:

Michemily said...

Ebay your strombolis! (What's the plural of "stromboli" anyway?)

dcfullest said...

If the police officer thing wasn't a joke, I think you would be really good at it!

Bahston Beans said...

Go for the model thing but don't forget to wear your hot orange vest!

Amy said...

No seriously, it's totally not a joke. I've wanted to be a police officer since college. My husband can testify.

K said...

You could totally be a police officer. And I don't know about your state laws but here dispatchers that go through the police academy and pass the physical stuff get more pay. Plus dispatchers have a pretty set schedule.

joolee said...

write a book.....DUH! and then sell pictures of the crack of your famous author a$$ to a high profile magazine.

Vanilla said...

I'm with joolee, write a book. You get to call yourself an author and sit in coffee shops all day with your laptop. But not a book for Mom's because it would be so hard for me to explain to people why I was reading it.

Katie said...

You could become an overqualified and underpaid babysitter again...open a daycare! Or since everyone around you is old, it could be a geriatric daycare and you could babysit the old people. Or, you could always sell your hooter bags on etsy...

Vanilla said...

If you do decide to write a book, then be sure not to put an apostrophe in the word Moms when it’s neither possessive nor a contraction. Only idiots do that.

tarable said...

WHEN is the government going to come up with stipends for stay at home moms? I mean, come on! We're raising the future of America here.

tarable said...

Otherwise I'm all for the stromboli idea. I'd buy one for Sunday dinner.

Rhien Family said...

well-

If you find yourself as a forced entrepreneur in the near future, you could always work on your writing portfolio, and then market your creative writing/communication skills as an independent contractor to marketing firms and design firms.

Lots of studios and corporations are laying off people in these full-time marketing/writing positions because they can hire out that work to other independent writers for cheaper.

I'm sure it's not real dependable money, especially upfront- but since when is money dependable? Check design studios like Sandstrom Design in Portland OR and see their style of design/writing- it matches a lot of similar things to your writing style, and if they hire out writing on a per-job basis, you may find this type of place to be a good fit.

I also think writing a book about taking life with humor could be a good idea.

The Roberts' Report said...

I think you should be some inspiring Boot Camp workout instructor!! I'd love you have you yelling at me about how large my butt is and to get down and give you 20.

Shelby Lou said...

i vote for police officer. or you could be like me and sell salt city candles. home party contractor!! yay, then you only have to work when YOU want to and you can be a stay at home mommy too.

Rachel said...

Amy,
You have to write a book!!!
I can't quite decide what genre you should go with. Definitely something serious or food related, yeah, definitely.

Mindy said...

Do they pay for being funny? Because you'd have that in the bag...

Grandma said...

Go for the book and police officer idea...that way you can let Jared off the hook if you have to stop him in one of those Maine speed traps.... but also as the office person/ live theme mannequin for Jared's office...possibilities there are endless ..the orange vest for the hunter's special.. "make sure your shooting arm is in shape w/ an adjustment", prom special "show your best moves out on the dance floor w/ an adjustment(I have the old prom gowns you could wear to the office) fisherman's special...wear Jared's fishing gear...."cast away w/ a smile after your adjustment today"
then there's always the belly shirt where you can say" don't be jealous, you can look like me after you adjustment today.... ok you get the idea.I'll make the signs:)

Cheryl said...

I was going to say write a book and become a stand-up comedian. But I like your Mom's live manequin idea!

Or..... do like Dawn did. You turned me onto her blog more than a year ago. She wrote that hilarious thing on ebay to sell some Pokemon cards that her kids stuck in her shopping cart while she wasn't looking. Which led to bazillions of new readers to her blog, where she launched her book writing career, and also makes some money from hits on her blog (I think). Yeah, try that. :-)

Katy said...

Be my nanny. I need help.

tristina98 said...

The squeaky clean record comment reminds me - you would think a goody two shoes innocent girl like me would also have a clean record, but I kid you not, I was picked up in an arrest warrant round-up the night after I spent the afternoon at the hospital trying to get my pre-labor contractions to stop and was put on bed rest. I had to ride in the police car down to the station where Nathan had to pay my bail. The whole ordeal caused my contractions to start up again...and Nixon was born a week and a half later. That is a good story I need to write down someday soon.

Sarah said...

I have three plans -

1) become a nanny for friends who have jobs

2) apply for every reality TV show out there

3) move to Asia and teach English again

X-Country2 said...

If I had kids (and lived in Maine), I'd totally hire you to watch my kids. You seem like a WAY cooler mom than me anyway. :o)

Cathy said...

If you go with selling your stombolis, please add you awesome sweet potato bread to the menu (my husband and daughter try to get me to make it weekly). It is wonderful - with or without the crushed doritos!!

Alisha said...

I think you could make a killing selling your domestic skills online- like making money off the owl bags from Halloween.

If you do write a book, I bet you'd make a killing doing children's books. You only have to come up with like 4 or 5 complete sentences and really cute pictures to make it big. Think Mo Willems.

blaine said...

Here are a few ideas:
1. Sell muffins outside of all the local races longer than 5K. Give them cool running names. After a long run, liked we'd know the difference.
2. Create your own brand of energy bars.
3. Create your own unique runners clothing line. Orange can be a common element.
4. Export Whoopie pies to other parts of the country.

Jes said...

Go with the police officer thing. If not now, when are you gonna do it??

I always wanted to be a fireman. Firewoman? Fireperson? Whatever the PC term is, that's what I think about whenever I'm daydreaming about a job change. Which is pretty much everyday.

Keli said...

Cupcakes. Hands down.

Problem solved.

Our Little World said...

Oh Amy...you would rock the cupcakes!

Lynda said...

I say write a book or become a stand up comedian. I'm sure there's a high demand for them in Maine right?

V and Co. said...

one word:
stripper

V and Co. said...

wait...
a stripper dressed in a cop outfit while making cupcakes
there you go

Jes said...

Oooh...I like that last one! And then whenever anybody asks you about your job you could end the explanation with, "I'm just doing this until I finish my book."

JojaJogger said...

I vote cupcakes...you can sell them to the local cops!

Smarry said...

Very nice thanks for sharing your nice feelings.............


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