A Gentle Reminder for Jared

June 12, 2009

Happy Friday, everyone! It's been a pretty good week up here in our neck of the woods, but I can't lie, I'm still glad it's over. I'm tired these days, and kind of achy, too.

Every time I refer to the dull soreness in my back or my pelvis or my tail bone, my husband politely tells me to make an appointment and come down to his office, he can fit me in at 3 o'clock. I'm like, "Seriously Jared? I need to drive all the way to your office?! Can't you just make this go away over the phone with a handful of pixie dust and three snaps up?"

He's like, "No."

And I'm all, "Do you know how much we paid for your schooling?"

And typically, that's his cue to go fishing--where the woods are free of women and the animals don't talk.

Even though I only work part-time, and I sit on my can while I'm doing it, there's something about holding down a job, living on a $200-a-month grocery budget, being pregnant, and constantly negotiating with a 4-year-old that takes it right out of me.

If you don't believe me, you should see my house.

For selfish reasons alone, I'm still cooking and baking like a champ. But for another set of selfish reasons, I've completely given up all chores that involve squatting, bending, or lifting in any capacity.

Really, you should see my house.

Jared, bless his heart, couldn't seem to care less. Three times a week he comes home from an eleven hour day and when I hear the door open, I yell to him from my couch. I'm like, "Hi Jared! I love you! Try not to step in the gum on the dining room floor! And I'm sorry about that banana!"

And do you know what he does? Seriously, do you know how this man reacts??? He ignores the mess, asks me how my day was, and tells me I look beautiful.

So blessed. So so blessed. On a typical night my heart swells, I shake my head in disbelief, and I'm like, "Jared? Why are you so good to me?"

And he's all, "Because you're the only woman on this entire planet who I'm allowed to do it with. I really have to stay on your good side."

If nothing else he's honest. And the man's got a point, a completely valid point.

Very recently, Jared started working out of a second location which happens to be right across the street from a knock-your-socks off whoopie pie bakery. These particular whoopie pies were featured on Oprah's famous "Favorite Things" episode, and let me tell you, that's right where they belong.

In case you're not from around here, and unfamiliar with whoopie pies, allow me to explain: They're kind of like an Oreo, but they're made out of cake, they're the size of my [really big] head, and the filling is made out of little bits of saturated heaven cloud. They pack somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,000 calories a piece, and I love them.

They come in red velvet, and peanut butter chocolate, and original, and raspberry--and seriously, I love them. Can you tell?

Jared, bless his heart again, has yet to bring one of those big ol' beauties home for me.

So today honey, if you're reading this, I'd like to issue a gentle reminder that you are right--I am in fact the only women on this entire planet that you're allowed to get it on with.

Happy weekend, everyone!