One Month Old: Tales from the Very Over-Tired

November 12, 2009

As of Tuesday, Maggie is one month old and just as sweet as ever.

See?

I know. She's so cute it makes you wonder what's wrong with your own kids.

Aside from being captivatingly beautiful, Maggie is a total and complete night owl--consequently I've become a straight-up spaz. I cry when Jared leaves for work, I cry when Jared comes home from work, I cry when I drop super heavy things on my toes, and sometimes I even cry when I eat too much pie.

Lack of sleep is so not pretty on me.

Aside from being all weepy, I'm confused as heck. For example, last week when I walked out of Sam's club, I pushed the cart over toward my car and said, "That's not my car. My car doesn't have that black stripe on the bottom." So I picked a car a few rows over--same make and model, very different color--and tried like hell to unlock it. I was madly pressing on my key chain, cursing at its brokenness, as my actual car flashed and beeped behind my back.

Finally I was like, "Who's that butt head who won't stop beeping?! I think I'll kick 'im in the balls." I turned around to get a look at his face, and sure enough, it was me. I was the butt head--the super sleep deprived butt head.

So I got in my car and cried. Obviously.

Or what about Monday? Monday was awesome.

I drove to the bank and withdrew a hundred bucks in cash. I put the wad in my center console, just like I always do (thieves, please take note), and drove into town--or the Burger King drive-thru, but whatever, those details are personal.

When I reached into my console to find money to pay for my water and small side salad--or my onion rings and Whopper, but whatever, those details are personal too--I was like, "NO SPANKIN' WAY!!!! I JUST FOUND A HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!! THIS IS THE BEST. DAY. EVER."

I pulled up to the window to pay and the lady was like, "Here you go. Have a nice day."

And I was all, "I just found a hundred dollars! I'm having the nicest day ever! I hope you find lot of money, too."

Then it dawned on me--I didn't actually "find" that money, I had withdrawn it twenty minutes earlier, and it was set aside for groceries, and diapers, and fun-sized Snickers bars, and other essentials.

Huge bummer. Huge enough in fact, to make me cry.

But dude. Seriously. How cute is she?????