Hostess Golden Cupcakes...and Nine More Tips for Nursing Moms who Run

March 3, 2010

In the past week I've gotten three or four emails asking about the very same topic: running while nursing. It's not the most fascinating of things, and I'm by no means an expert on the subject matter, so I'll keep my tips and advice brief:

1. If you're a nursing mother, and you decide to go for a run, please, please, please double up on the sports bras. Otherwise you'll become a spectacle, and I know from previous personal experience that SPECTACLE + INSANE HORMONES = INVOLVEMENT FROM THE COPS. Every single time.

2. If you increase your mileage and you find that your milk supply takes a sudden, drastic drop, then you're probably not eating enough. I've found--and I'm 100% serious here--that eating three Hostess Golden Cupcakes every day (one after each meal), keeps my weight steady and my milk supply abundant.

3. No, number 2 was definitely not a joke.

4. Personally, running and nursing both tire me out. When you add them together, I'm extra, crazy worn out. And then, if you sprinkle in an almost 5-year-old son, a job with lots of night meetings, and a husband who spilled a 20-pound bag of bird seed on our kitchen floor at 7:35 this morning, it can only mean one thing: I'M SO TIRED THAT I MIGHT PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE FOR FUN.

So. Go easy on yourself. Take lots of rest days, incorporate lots of short runs into your schedule, and if you absolutely must, stop in the middle of your workout, climb up on a park bench, and proclaim the following message to your entire neighborhood: I'M TRYING TO DO IT ALL AND NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU APPRECIATES ME! You'll feel so renewed.

5. I don't know about you, but nursing makes me unbelievably stupid, so pay attention to your surroundings, look both ways before you cross the street, don't accidentally fall off a cliff like some dumb-butted cartoon coyote.

6. Always carry you cell phone if you're a nursing mom who's running. That way you can call your husband at the start of the third mile and be like, "Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be married to me? Do you really appreciate the fact that I'm not letting myself go? I feel like you don't love me lately."

7. Drink lots of water--maybe two or three liters a day. Coffee doesn't count, Diet Coke doesn't count, and red wine probably shouldn't count, but it does. If you're Mormon like me, the red wine thing will do you no good--so if you absolutely need a buzz, I suggest taking three multi-vitamins, two Benadryl, and smacking yourself over the head with a medium-sized frying pan five or six times in a row. You'll be stealing stops signs and whizzing in your neighbors' bushes before you know it.

8. You should probably carry pepper spray if you're a nursing mom who's running--after all, there are many innocent people in the world who could use an occasional burst of fire in the eyes. It's an easy way to help them remember that you're under appreciated by every single person on the face of this hope-forsaken planet.

9. Get some good shoes. Every runner should have good shoes, whether you're nursing or not.

10. Put some Britney on your iPod--always a good reminder that you've got your mothering shiz in better order than at least one woman in the world.

So, there you have it. Ten tips for nursing moms who run. No go get 'em, ladies!

20 comments:

funderson said...

HA! You MAY be able to hear me laughing all the way from CO..

wingingitnaturally said...

I really almost gave up a blueberry muffin this morning because I'm working out and I cannot get that post-baby Jabba the Hut belly to improve whatsoever. But my milk supply has suffered horribly, and I keep backing off on the workouts because of it. (Yes, I've tried supplements and pumping and all that.) I'll try increasing water, adding cupcakes and keeping the hard workouts to see what that does for the milk.

So, can we keep our milk supply up AND lose the last 10 pounds? Or are we stuck with it until the baby weans?

(find me here: http://wingingitnaturally.wordpress.com/ and the work-out-blog here: http://www.bodiesinmotivation.com/category/blogs/stretch-pants/

Amy said...

Great tips.

Bahston Beans said...

My question involves the cupcakes. What kind of frosting is on a Hostess Golden Cupcake?

Chantel and Michael Magistro said...

Your blog is so funny! I love reading it. Thanks for the tips, I'll be sure to remember them when I get pregnant. :-)

Amy said...

chocolate frosting. Not that orange garbage.

runningtwig said...

Your post makes me laugh...I am weaning my daughter (who turns one Friday) right now and I ran the whole time. I agree with hostess cupcakes - I ate those or pb and j after every run or meal and drank a ton of water. A tip that I followed is to either pump or nurse before every run to avoid awful things like mastitis!

katieo said...

always a good reminder that you've got your mothering shiz in better order than at least one woman in the world.

AAAAAAhhhahahahahaha!!!

paige said...

i almost went & changed my facebook status to, "i'm trying to do it all and not a single one of you appreciates me" but then i knew i'd get some smart alec remark about how i brought this on myself & i should suck it up... & then i might cry... so i decided not to.
i wish i had even *half* your spirit.
i'm almost ready to go dig out my runners from the depths of my closet... *almost*...

Bahston Beans said...

Thank you. Your clarification of chocolate frosting has preserved our cousinship.

turtle said...

Oh, am I only supposed to do the Hostess Golden Cupcake thing if I'm nursing? I'm not even a runner...

Morgan -Ing said...

All fantastic tips. Really. I am incorporating them right now. :)

chattypatra said...

The Golden Cupcakes comment almost makes me wish I were a runner.

Karen said...

I'm eating all the golden cupcakes now and saving the running for later.

The Roberts' Report said...

Love the advice. I think I'll put a picture of Brittany on my fridge as a constant reminder of how much better I am then her! NICE!

The Marketing Mama said...

Very funny! Okay - so, in all seroiusness, I'm finally done breastfeeding. I'm working my ass off to work out and get back in shape and am kinda, sorta thinking about running. But now I'm bummed I can't implement the cupcake strategy, so I might just screw it all. bummer. :)

Kirsty said...

I'm not a nursing mother but I'm all over the Britney tip. Thanks for that.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

You make me almost think I could do it again ... sigh ... shudder. NO!

Linden said...

This is awesome. I'm a mid- to long-distance runner, and I've so far only been hoping that I'll be able to continue running when I get pregnant (I'm not yet, but it'll happen in the next couple years, I'm sure). I haven't even began to consider the combination of running with a newborn. Yikes. At least these tips prepare me. Pepper spray, check. Yelling from park bench, check. :)

breastfeedingkills said...

Hilarious post! Gonna link to it now . . . :)