March 5, 2010
Did I mention that I'm having a party tonight? Like a real life party. With twenty, walking & talking, potential friends, at my house, and I'm too Mormon to get my drink on ahead of time.
That's right. I'm not too Mormon to swear, but definitely too Mormon to drink.
Out of the twenty-or-so young moms who are coming, I'd estimate that I know three of them fairly well. The rest of them? Total and complete mysteries. And none of them know each other.
And 98.7% of these girls are skinnier than me.
Should I break out my tap shoes for the inevitable moments of awkward silence? Did I mention what a craptastic hostess I am? Have I ever told you that super skinny girls give me the nervous farts? I'm sure I have, it's the foundation of my being.
You might be wondering why I'm throwing this party, which is consequently causing my head to spin around on my neck. Well, the answer is simple--I'm running dangerously low in the friend department. Actually, scratch that, embarrassingly low.
I do have one good friend, but lately I've been making up excuse after excuse to call her eight or nine times a day, and I think she needs a break.
So these women I invited? The ones I barely know? I found 'em all over the place.
One of the girls is the daughter-in-law of some people who live down the street, one is another mom from James's daycare, and one of them, I kid you not, I randomly met at the town office. I was standing behind her in line and she was like, "Hi. I'm new here and I need to register my car. I have plates from New York right now."
She looked normal enough to me. You know--Nikes, a NorthFace jacket, wearing a belt, had a face--so I was all, "Hi. You're new here? I'm having a party on Friday, March 5th at 7 o'clock. Can you come?"
And guess what? She said yes! SHE SAID YES!!!
Oh shiz. She said yes.
The good news is, we're doing an activity, and no, it's not all lame and Mormon thanyouverymuch. It's innovative and original. Or weird and random--depends upon your angle, I suppose.
Okay fine, it's very weird, and extremely random. As in a raw foodist that I found in the adult ed booklet is coming to teach us how to open fresh young coconuts.
No. That's not a joke. I'll take pictures to prove it. And by the way, I hope she wears a head wrap--every raw foodist should.
Surprisingly, I only got one no on the whole "come and learn how to open a coconut" thing--the rest of the women seem quite enthusiastic about the impending experience.
Either coconuts beat the hell out of tupperware and scrapbooking, or everyone else in this town is desperate for some new friends, too.
Wish me luck, and feel free to give me some advice.
May the force be with me.