A Party. With Real Life People.

March 5, 2010

Did I mention that I'm having a party tonight? Like a real life party. With twenty, walking & talking, potential friends, at my house, and I'm too Mormon to get my drink on ahead of time.

That's right. I'm not too Mormon to swear, but definitely too Mormon to drink.

Out of the twenty-or-so young moms who are coming, I'd estimate that I know three of them fairly well. The rest of them? Total and complete mysteries. And none of them know each other.

And 98.7% of these girls are skinnier than me.

Should I break out my tap shoes for the inevitable moments of awkward silence? Did I mention what a craptastic hostess I am? Have I ever told you that super skinny girls give me the nervous farts? I'm sure I have, it's the foundation of my being.

You might be wondering why I'm throwing this party, which is consequently causing my head to spin around on my neck. Well, the answer is simple--I'm running dangerously low in the friend department. Actually, scratch that, embarrassingly low.

I do have one good friend, but lately I've been making up excuse after excuse to call her eight or nine times a day, and I think she needs a break.

So these women I invited? The ones I barely know? I found 'em all over the place.

One of the girls is the daughter-in-law of some people who live down the street, one is another mom from James's daycare, and one of them, I kid you not, I randomly met at the town office. I was standing behind her in line and she was like, "Hi. I'm new here and I need to register my car. I have plates from New York right now."

She looked normal enough to me. You know--Nikes, a NorthFace jacket, wearing a belt, had a face--so I was all, "Hi. You're new here? I'm having a party on Friday, March 5th at 7 o'clock. Can you come?"

And guess what? She said yes! SHE SAID YES!!!

Oh shiz. She said yes.

The good news is, we're doing an activity, and no, it's not all lame and Mormon thanyouverymuch. It's innovative and original. Or weird and random--depends upon your angle, I suppose.

Okay fine, it's very weird, and extremely random. As in a raw foodist that I found in the adult ed booklet is coming to teach us how to open fresh young coconuts.

No. That's not a joke. I'll take pictures to prove it. And by the way, I hope she wears a head wrap--every raw foodist should.

Surprisingly, I only got one no on the whole "come and learn how to open a coconut" thing--the rest of the women seem quite enthusiastic about the impending experience.

Either coconuts beat the hell out of tupperware and scrapbooking, or everyone else in this town is desperate for some new friends, too.

Wish me luck, and feel free to give me some advice.

May the force be with me.

21 comments:

Pam F. said...

I wish I could come to your party because I, too, am desparately lonely in the friend department. I mean, seriously, I filled out a loan application last week and it asked for the name of a friend not living with you. I left it blank. I moved here four years ago, and I. HATE. THIS. TOWN. It is sooooooo clicky, and I am sooooooooo not into that kind of thing. I keep thinking there have GOT to be some normal people here SOMEWHERE, but if there are, they're hiding extremely well.

Bahston Beans said...

Please take a "lime in the coconut" comment tally!

(or maybe I'm just that corny)

Scrappy_Lady said...

Good for you throwing the party and inviting so many people!! I bet so many other people are in the category of desperately needing friends. (At least I hope so, or I royally suck. lol)

I can't wait to hear how it goes. I hope you have a blast and come away from it with at least a few great friend candidates.

JojaJogger said...

I dare you to serve Hostess Golden Cupcakes!

Razz said...

1) You could regale them all about stories that begin with, "This one time, when I was living in Dallas....."

2) Play Banned on the Run on a continuous loop.

Other than those ideas, I'm tapped out.

Ian said...

Here's my idea: Ditch the swearing and pick up drinking. Couldn't you make that switch just for one night?

Betsy said...

Dude, that's so cool. You have brass ovaries (just as cool as balls) for inviting random people over for a party. And those skinny girls can't run as fast as you do.

Mrs Furious said...

Dude! I am outrageously impressed by this bold maneuver!

David said...

Skip the pix - video. With audio. And we expect frequent, audible flatulence.

The Roberts' Report said...

Awww man wish I could be there. I could bring one of my birthing videos and talk about breast feeding the whole time. I'm sure everyone there would totally want to be my friend. No awkward silences there!! ;)

Mama4Real said...

Do you still live in Dallas?

jadine said...

Good for you! :) I'm in the same boat, friend-wise. I don't want to go to other people's houses because I get nervous-squirts, and I don't want to invite them to my house because then I'd have to vacuum up cat hair. Sigh. I've resorted to making my annoying sister be my friend. She lives in a different country, so it's all by phone. And I don't even take all her calls. I'm lame.

Rachel said...

Young coconuts = YUM!!!

I'd come just for that, as long as I didn't have to open it myself. It's a dangerous activity. I hope no one gets hurts.

chattypatra said...

Throw an Oscar themed party, Amy! The awards are this Sunday and the web is full of ideas for appetizers related to the 10 movies that have been nominated for Best Picture. You can rent a few of them, take a poll when they get there and choose one. Then you can all pretend you are movie critics. I'm just saying...

Have fun!

chattypatra said...

OR you can pretend I'm there and throw me an early Happy Birthday party! Then you can send me some of those whatchamacallits marshmallow things tomorrow. Hahaha! ;p

Morgan -Ing said...

I think MOST women are desperately lonely most of the time. A party sounds like a brilliant idea. If was in Maine and you invited me, I'd come. :)

Chelsea said...

Maybe I should try that! I'm a little low in the friend department too. Good luck!!

Karen said...

I cannot wait to hear the results of this party/coconut bashing.

119 said...

thank you for you to make me learn more,thank you∩0∩ ........................................

Lanie Ree said...

Man, I need to throw a coconut-opening party. It sounds like it's gonna be a blast- awkward silences and all.

Kim said...

How did it go????