September 9, 2010
Does that title ring a bell? Think hard.
If you're anywhere between the ages of, oh I don't know, twenty-six and thirty-six, chances are you remember the most dramatic and epic television moment of our collective childhood.
Thanks right. I'm talking about Jessie Spano on drugs:
I'm not sure whether or not Zach specified in that little clip up there, but I won't withhold the hard truth. Jessie was strung out on the worst of the worst--caffeine pills.
I know. The horror.
Today, I'm writing this post to give you fair warning that I might have a JessieSpanoI'mSoExcited moment of my own over here, and if I do, I promise that Jared will grab the video camera.
So yeah, I've fallen into the deep dark world of caffeination, and let me just say that I can't get enough.
Contrary to popular belief, caffeine is not against the Mormon religion. Coffee? Not allowed. Black tea? Also forbidden. Caffeine in various other forms such as Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper, Red Bull, 5-Hour Energy, and my vehicle of choice, Vivarin? Not technically against the rules.
Now before you get all THAT MAKES NO SENSE! WHAT THE HECK? EXPLAIN THIS TO ME! I WANT ANSWERS! YOU'RE ALL SO STUPID! on me, I'd like to remind you of a few old adages, scriptural and otherwise:
1) Just not, lest ye be judged.
2) If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
3) Shut yo mouth.
Caffeine most definitely goes against the spirit of the 'no coffee, tea, crack, hookers, beer, or cigarette' rules--but I'm sorry, if every Latter Day Saint completely abstained from a little stimulant action every now and again, I promise that there would be a multitide of 12 passenger vans plunging into the depths of canyons all over the West.
(Maybe you have to be Mormon to understand that last sentence, I dunno...)
Up until a few months ago, with the exception of a Coke every month or so, I completely stayed away from caffeine. I just never felt like I needed it, and I guess I didn't want to get addicted to anything, no matter how innocent.
Well, back in the spring I read a very well researched article about the performance boosting benefits of caffeine for endurance sports, and since I run marathons, I thought I'd give it a go. It started in the form of caffeinated Gu, it eventualy evolved into a shot of 7-Hour Energy (that ghetto stuff you see on the counter of 7-11) mixed into my Gatorade bottles, and finally, for reasons of cost and portability, I settled on Vivarin--you know, Jessie Spano style caffeine pills.
See, those 7-Hour Energy shots go for $1.50 a pop, but you can get a sweet little box of 24 Vivarin tabs for $4. And just as a point of reference, each tablet is the equivalent of one cup of coffee. I like to pop one an hour so before a run, somewhere around mile 10, and maybe one more around mile 20. Really gets the giddy-up going if I do say so myself.
So, in the last couple of weeks, I've come to the conclusion that my life is kind of crazy right now. I've got two kids, a part-time job that has me in night meetings up the whazoo (I wonder how you spell that), I'm nursing a baby, big awesome kind of stressful things happening in Jared's office, I'm training hard for another marathon, and I'm teaching a religion class to a room full of teenagers every day at 6am.
Now please understand, I'm not complaining by any stretch of the imagination. I have a zillion things to do--so what? I bet you do, too. And besides, I honestly do best when I'm ass-crazy busy. Bu-ut I'd be a gigantic liar if I didn't admit that I'm feeling just a tad worn down these days. And lying is one of those things that's absolutely against my religion, no exceptions! (Unless the lie is in reference to the size of your wife's post-baby ass, in which case it's strongly encouraged.)
Anyhoo...enter the caffeine pills.
They used to be reserved for long runs, but these days I'm a tad more lenient. Now they're kind of a once-daily occurance reserved for things like meetings, and mornings, and so I don't fall asleep while I'm watching rerun marathons of The Office. And guess what?
I. Feel. Fabulous.
And very peppy, too!!! See???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO peppy :) :) :) !!!!!!
So. Until I have my Jessie Spano moment, which will inevitably happy--and again, I promise to catch it on tape--I am loving these stimulants.