I'm So Excited! I'm So Excited! I'm So Scared!

September 9, 2010

Does that title ring a bell? Think hard.

If you're anywhere between the ages of, oh I don't know, twenty-six and thirty-six, chances are you remember the most dramatic and epic television moment of our collective childhood.

Thanks right. I'm talking about Jessie Spano on drugs:

I'm not sure whether or not Zach specified in that little clip up there, but I won't withhold the hard truth. Jessie was strung out on the worst of the worst--caffeine pills.

I know. The horror.

Today, I'm writing this post to give you fair warning that I might have a JessieSpanoI'mSoExcited moment of my own over here, and if I do, I promise that Jared will grab the video camera.

So yeah, I've fallen into the deep dark world of caffeination, and let me just say that I can't get enough.

Contrary to popular belief, caffeine is not against the Mormon religion. Coffee? Not allowed. Black tea? Also forbidden. Caffeine in various other forms such as Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper, Red Bull, 5-Hour Energy, and my vehicle of choice, Vivarin? Not technically against the rules.

Now before you get all THAT MAKES NO SENSE! WHAT THE HECK? EXPLAIN THIS TO ME! I WANT ANSWERS! YOU'RE ALL SO STUPID! on me, I'd like to remind you of a few old adages, scriptural and otherwise:

1) Just not, lest ye be judged.

2) If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

3) Shut yo mouth.

Caffeine most definitely goes against the spirit of the 'no coffee, tea, crack, hookers, beer, or cigarette' rules--but I'm sorry, if every Latter Day Saint completely abstained from a little stimulant action every now and again, I promise that there would be a multitide of 12 passenger vans plunging into the depths of canyons all over the West.

(Maybe you have to be Mormon to understand that last sentence, I dunno...)

Up until a few months ago, with the exception of a Coke every month or so, I completely stayed away from caffeine. I just never felt like I needed it, and I guess I didn't want to get addicted to anything, no matter how innocent.

Well, back in the spring I read a very well researched article about the performance boosting benefits of caffeine for endurance sports, and since I run marathons, I thought I'd give it a go. It started in the form of caffeinated Gu, it eventualy evolved into a shot of 7-Hour Energy (that ghetto stuff you see on the counter of 7-11) mixed into my Gatorade bottles, and finally, for reasons of cost and portability, I settled on Vivarin--you know, Jessie Spano style caffeine pills.

See, those 7-Hour Energy shots go for $1.50 a pop, but you can get a sweet little box of 24 Vivarin tabs for $4. And just as a point of reference, each tablet is the equivalent of one cup of coffee. I like to pop one an hour so before a run, somewhere around mile 10, and maybe one more around mile 20. Really gets the giddy-up going if I do say so myself.

So, in the last couple of weeks, I've come to the conclusion that my life is kind of crazy right now. I've got two kids, a part-time job that has me in night meetings up the whazoo (I wonder how you spell that), I'm nursing a baby, big awesome kind of stressful things happening in Jared's office, I'm training hard for another marathon, and I'm teaching a religion class to a room full of teenagers every day at 6am.

Now please understand, I'm not complaining by any stretch of the imagination. I have a zillion things to do--so what? I bet you do, too. And besides, I honestly do best when I'm ass-crazy busy. Bu-ut I'd be a gigantic liar if I didn't admit that I'm feeling just a tad worn down these days. And lying is one of those things that's absolutely against my religion, no exceptions! (Unless the lie is in reference to the size of your wife's post-baby ass, in which case it's strongly encouraged.)

Anyhoo...enter the caffeine pills.

They used to be reserved for long runs, but these days I'm a tad more lenient. Now they're kind of a once-daily occurance reserved for things like meetings, and mornings, and so I don't fall asleep while I'm watching rerun marathons of The Office. And guess what?

I. Feel. Fabulous.

And very peppy, too!!! See???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO peppy :)  :)  :)  !!!!!!


So. Until I have my Jessie Spano moment, which will inevitably happy--and again, I promise to catch it on tape--I am loving these stimulants.


Kim said...

No one can ever say that they're excited around me or my sisters without us breaking into this scene.

I am a devoted Diet Dr Pepper drinker. I tried to go off the stuff a few times but I just felt so exhausted all the time. I thought, "Um, is this what life really feels like? This sucks."

TheOneTrueSue said...

No judging here.

There hasn't been a night this week that I've slept more than three hours cuz of some truly ridiclous work projects.

I'm THISCLOSE to drinking coffee. THISCLOSE I tell you.

Samye said...

Have you (probably not) seen the Desperate Housewives where one of them are addicted to their kids pills (maybe ADD pills?) because it helps get them going with lots of energy?? Totally Spano type of stuff...love it...so really does it help with the race? I have a race this weekend that I would love some "inside" help with.

Sarah said...

...or maybe I'll just buy some vivran at my local gas station, slip one in everbody's already hethenistic coffee tomorrow morning and see where the weekend takes us ;)

funderson said...

Well, being from Utah I can testify that for a heck of a lot of Mormons Diet Coke IS a religion. Also, this weekend visiting my Gramps, Wild Bill noted entirely on his own..that Mtn Dew is Mormon beer.

girlsmama said...

My van would totally be burning full of children in the bottom of a canyon between driving to gymnastics, piano, and everything else, without my diet coke every afternoon. And it's even better with pebbled ice. And if that's the worse I do I am totally not worried about my salvation. :)

Kimi said...

I love Saved By The Bell with all my heart and soul. I love it so much it may actually be considered idol worship...

And I, for one, totally laughed my ass off with the mini-van into a canyon scenario.

Anonymous said...

It started so innocently..."But it's only Vivarin" says Amy, "You know, "Revive with Vivarin", that's all I'm doing!" she innocently says.

Fast forward, there we all are either in Dr. Drew's Sober House or on Intervention.

You mess with the bull you get the horns. Speaking of bull, have you tried the Red Bull?

No coffee? Oh boy! I'd be on the vivarin too!

And SAMYE, I NEVER watch Desperate Housewives but that's the ONE episode I saw. That's exactly what I thought of as I was reading Amy's "plea for help!"

Pass the Ritalin please!

Bahston Beans said...

You should have seen Shawn in Utah. We are at In-N-Out and he goes to fill up the soda cup (cue dramatic music) when he screams "NON- CAFFEINATED BARQS?!?!?!?!". I just about wet my pants.

Charming's Mama said...

So, did you win the pizza? Inquiring minds want to know.

Jes said...

The girls at work and I were just talking about that episode the other day! I'm a fan of the Cyrstal Light strawberry energy packet added to my Gatorade for morning runs. I'll admit that I hate the flavor on its own, but the energy it gives me keeps me drinking it!

Team O'Connor said...

I love that episode. I remember watching it as a kid and feeling so disappointed in Jesse. WTF Jesse? Drugs?! It was terrible. Then I remember watching it as a teenager and feeling so disappointed in the writers of Saved By the Bell. WTF writers? Caffeine?!
Uh yeah, on my mission I had to sneak bottles of Excedrin. If you haven't tried that out it's a lifesaver. I get headaches a lot so there's always a bottle in my purse. If you feel you need just a little more something to get hooked on, give it a try.

Team O'Connor said...
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Team O'Connor said...
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Team O'Connor said...
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Kristine said...

Gotta tell, ya. While I do indulge in a 1/2 pot of coffee daily, I never had a caffeine run for the sole purpose (get it?) of improving my run, until you got me hooked during the relay. Wow! It really perked up that mid-night madness of 17 miles! Thanks Chik!

Helena said...

I read the title and immediately knew the reference. Proudest moment of my day.

Hilary said...

I could totally get addicted to that.
When I saw the oprah about moms who were drunks I knew that could be me. :)
But, if it works and it's helping -- YAY! :)

{Staci} said...

oh my gosh. i just peed my pants laughing at that clip. as a member of the "i can't believe i did this to myself i have four kids four and under one of whom was born 3 months early and i live in hospitals while trying to take care of the other babies" Club, i think i need to get on it with these pills. because i try to get around the whole No Coffee thing with coffee ice cream and it totally isn't helping me function. it just makes my ass bigger.