December 7, 2010
So our new dog--you know, the German Shorthaired Pointer with the balls still attached?--is so going to hell. Earlier this morning, I caught him gnawing on the Holy Family, and I don't care who you are, that's just not right. Thankfully, he wore himself out whipping The Virgin Mary around by her feet, so he's sleeping now.
The good news is, he's unconscious and I don't think he's chewing on anything valuable at the moment.
The bad news is, I'm afraid to fart even an SBD, in fear of waking him up.
Between the paper shredder with testicles, the two footed one who drew an enormous monster on my upholstered living room chair with a ballpoint pen by accident, and the one who can barely pee in the potty, my life feels like a sink full of dirty dishes. You know--filthy, disorganized, overwhelming, and so on and so forth.
Right now, Maggie's the only one left on my 'nice' list. And believe you me, she's freakishly adorable. If I didn't have to risk waking up the polka-dotted dog with nuts, I'd totally post a picture. Trust me, you'd be completely jealous of her giant teeth. They're kind of like a mix between boat oars and Julia Roberts--they're kind of awesome.
Oh, waitwaitwait, I just pulled this one from my mom's facebook profile:
It's my mom with all her grandkids. I took it on Thanksgiving, and honestly, it's the best I could do.
Well, actually, maybe this one's better:
See what I mean though? She's even cute when she's busy hatin' on her Grandma.
So far, I've bought Maggie two sets of Elmo pajamas, a talking tea set, and a baby doll for Christmas--I'm really hoping she swings the doll around by the arm and drops it on its head over and over in public. I don't know why, but I think it's the cutest thing ever when little girls commit acts of abuse and neglect with their baby dolls. They're like, "LOOK! I'M A MOMMY!," while they bend their baby in three pieces and stick a bottle in its eye. I swear, it never fails to make me smile.
I love having a girl!