Four Months

I got a check in the mail yesterday. From BlogHer. For $20.03.

Then I remembered that I had this blog. So yeah. I'm not four months pregnant, I'm four months blogless.

I tried to sign in and realized that Blogger changed EVERYTHING about posting, so I'm not really sure what I'm writing or how to press publish or how to tell my left from my right. Ya know, I could be obliviously posting in a Chinese speaking porn forum right this very second.

When I opened that check yesterday I thought, "Oh man, I remember that old thing. I can't write on my blog anymore because I don't have any time." Then I was like, "Man, I hate people who say they don't have time."

Today, I'm supposed to be getting ready for my big ass annual meeting for my super secret day job, and since I have reports to write and deadlines to meet, I thought this would be the ideal time to whip up a post.

This is my fifth annual meeting with that job, and every year my report becomes significantly less impressive. Last year, I kid you not, I printed two reports per page, and ripped the copy paper down the middle. It was all raggedy and frayed, and when I handed it out, I just acted like those reports were ass freaking incredible. I acted like I was ALL about the earth and ALL about efficiency. Now don't get me wrong, I love the earth, it's my home. But actually, on that given day, I was ALL about printing out full colored 8.5x11 pictures of vegetables. A pepper's a very saturated image, so by the time I printed out my ideal salad, I had no ink over for annual board meeting reports.

This year, I might try an oral report.

Okay, so anyway, it's been a while. Isn't it so dumb when people write posts about not posting? People like me? So dumb, but seriously, should I catch you up?

Jared's good. He's planning a weekend fishing trip. That's all.

James is good. He turned 7 last month and his head is huge. He was recently ousted from the gifted & talented program for not doing his homework, and Jared and I were too unmotivated to try to fight it. What can we say? He's walkin' in our shoes.

Maggie's really funny. She still draws on everything, including, but not limited to furniture, walls, floors and clients. For real, I have this woman who comes into the studio five times a week, and last Friday, Maggie drew on her face with a purple marker. She's a really bad Assistant to the Junior Coach, but she's a really good daughter.  And cute alert...Maggie calls herself a 'cess.' As in princess. If I was a good Mormon, I'd take some old fashioned looking instagram pictures of Maggie in a homemade princess skirt and write a nice, fat paragragh about the word 'cess.' Imagine it. It's cute.

Here they are reading an ice cream menu:

And me? Well, lots of farting lately. Oh, and this is my last annual meeting with my super secret job. Assciting! Kennebec Valley Chiropractic and Kennebec Valley Coaching are gonna pay all the bills starting at the end of June. Why not? If we get foreclosed one, we'll just add that experience to our already robust wisdom file.

But we won't.

This might be my last post until the end of June, because (oh I hate to say it), I'm really busy. But things are lightening up, so maybe I'll be back!