Calling All Humans...
June 17, 2007

If you read this blog regularly, you probably know that my husband is a chiropractic student. He's only six months away from graduation and in desperate need of patients. You see, Jared needs to recruit a certain number of patients and perform a certain number of adjustments in order to graduate on time. More importantly, Jared needs to graduate on time in order to stay married to his lovely wife. Consequently, he's reached a new level of desperation.

Jared has decided to give his card to every single person with whom he makes any form of human contact--the mailman, neighbors, homeless folks, the staff of 7-11--no one gets away without a business card. Since Jared is working so diligently to drum up business, I figured that I could help a bit too. So far, so good. We're totally on a roll.

I know this type of solicitation seems a bit scary, but it's actually quite simple. I just manage to turn every conversation toward spines, backs, and chiropractors. Here are a few of my successful (and questionable) conversation starters:

To my friend from church:
You have awesome looking boobs. Do they ever weigh you down and cause back pain? I hope not, but just in case they do...

To an ex-NFL player:
I know you outweigh my husband by like 200 pounds, so I think it'd be kind of funny if you let him try to adjust you...

To my close friend (on the phone):
Hey! What's up?! I'm gonna hand the phone to Jared now...

To the man I see every day at the bus stop near the park:
I like your back pack....a lot. And since we're on the topic of backs....

And to the guy at the deli:
I'll take one pound of roasted turkey. Turkeys have spines, don't they?

So I blew it with the deli guy, but believe it or not, we're starting to have quite a bit of success in the patient recruitment department. So why not help us maintain this trend? If your back hurts, I kindly request that you make an appointment with Jared. And if it doesn't hurt, we will trip you, or fight you, or find some other way to ensure a series of minor aches and pains...it's only a matter of time.
Oh, and FYI, we're running a special deal for all of our Dallas-area readers. For a limited time only, if you make an appointment with my husband, we will send you one high-resolution photo of our bare bums, via email.

10 comments:

Grandma said...

does it count if he works on patients when up here for the wedding? we'll have a line at the reception...ok,Kel?

Rob & Katy said...

can he work on me, rob, and ty when he comes up for the wedding? don't have to ask us twice! i'll even write a great letter to his prof... we have different last names, so no one will know we're related!

Anonymous said...

Darn I wish I was in the Dallas area. I could really use an adjustment. Since I had my son in Dec my back sucks.

-Mel
Friend of your sister from IVillage

Rhiens said...

I'll pass on the high resolution photo of your bums- but I did make an appointment for this Saturday with your husband. I'm hoping he can fix my shoulder.

-Jed

patti said...

What a wonderful offer! How disappointing that I am not near you. I totally know that Jared could get my back into alignment and make my sciatica go away for reals!!

And I don't even get to see the bums! Not fair!

(hee hee). I do hope you get all of the patients he needs!!! He should hang out at the hospital when one of the nursing shifts ends!

Michemily said...

I love going to the chiropractor. My sister tells me every time she gives me a massage that I'm messed up and need help. Unfortunately, I don't have money or insurance and I don't live in Dallas . . . restorative yoga, anyone?

Vanilla said...

I would sign up for this but my boss tells me that I'm spineless.

Amy said...

"For a limited time only, if you make an appointment with my husband, we will send you one high-resolution photo of our bare bums."

It doesn't say you have to actually show up for the appointment to get the prize--so how does Friday at 3:00 sound?

kelly said...

Okay, we can set up a table/chair for Jared at the end of the recieving line. Then everyone has to go to Jared. We can pretend it's a long-standing family tradition. Oh, yes, all Hungarian weddings have a chiropractor at the end of the receiving line. Duh.

Grandma said...

Kel-set up a limbo line w. Jared waiting at the end of it!