Calling All Humans...
June 17, 2007

If you read this blog regularly, you probably know that my husband is a chiropractic student. He's only six months away from graduation and in desperate need of patients. You see, Jared needs to recruit a certain number of patients and perform a certain number of adjustments in order to graduate on time. More importantly, Jared needs to graduate on time in order to stay married to his lovely wife. Consequently, he's reached a new level of desperation.

Jared has decided to give his card to every single person with whom he makes any form of human contact--the mailman, neighbors, homeless folks, the staff of 7-11--no one gets away without a business card. Since Jared is working so diligently to drum up business, I figured that I could help a bit too. So far, so good. We're totally on a roll.

I know this type of solicitation seems a bit scary, but it's actually quite simple. I just manage to turn every conversation toward spines, backs, and chiropractors. Here are a few of my successful (and questionable) conversation starters:

To my friend from church:
You have awesome looking boobs. Do they ever weigh you down and cause back pain? I hope not, but just in case they do...

To an ex-NFL player:
I know you outweigh my husband by like 200 pounds, so I think it'd be kind of funny if you let him try to adjust you...

To my close friend (on the phone):
Hey! What's up?! I'm gonna hand the phone to Jared now...

To the man I see every day at the bus stop near the park:
I like your back pack....a lot. And since we're on the topic of backs....

And to the guy at the deli:
I'll take one pound of roasted turkey. Turkeys have spines, don't they?

So I blew it with the deli guy, but believe it or not, we're starting to have quite a bit of success in the patient recruitment department. So why not help us maintain this trend? If your back hurts, I kindly request that you make an appointment with Jared. And if it doesn't hurt, we will trip you, or fight you, or find some other way to ensure a series of minor aches and pains...it's only a matter of time.
Oh, and FYI, we're running a special deal for all of our Dallas-area readers. For a limited time only, if you make an appointment with my husband, we will send you one high-resolution photo of our bare bums, via email.

10 comments:

Grandma said...

does it count if he works on patients when up here for the wedding? we'll have a line at the reception...ok,Kel?

Katy Shamitz said...

can he work on me, rob, and ty when he comes up for the wedding? don't have to ask us twice! i'll even write a great letter to his prof... we have different last names, so no one will know we're related!

Anonymous said...

Darn I wish I was in the Dallas area. I could really use an adjustment. Since I had my son in Dec my back sucks.

-Mel
Friend of your sister from IVillage

jed-laura said...

I'll pass on the high resolution photo of your bums- but I did make an appointment for this Saturday with your husband. I'm hoping he can fix my shoulder.

-Jed

Unknown said...

What a wonderful offer! How disappointing that I am not near you. I totally know that Jared could get my back into alignment and make my sciatica go away for reals!!

And I don't even get to see the bums! Not fair!

(hee hee). I do hope you get all of the patients he needs!!! He should hang out at the hospital when one of the nursing shifts ends!

Michelle Glauser said...

I love going to the chiropractor. My sister tells me every time she gives me a massage that I'm messed up and need help. Unfortunately, I don't have money or insurance and I don't live in Dallas . . . restorative yoga, anyone?

Ian said...

I would sign up for this but my boss tells me that I'm spineless.

Amy said...

"For a limited time only, if you make an appointment with my husband, we will send you one high-resolution photo of our bare bums."

It doesn't say you have to actually show up for the appointment to get the prize--so how does Friday at 3:00 sound?

Anonymous said...

Okay, we can set up a table/chair for Jared at the end of the recieving line. Then everyone has to go to Jared. We can pretend it's a long-standing family tradition. Oh, yes, all Hungarian weddings have a chiropractor at the end of the receiving line. Duh.

Grandma said...

Kel-set up a limbo line w. Jared waiting at the end of it!