October 8, 2007

Something very, very strange happened this Saturday. I opened my eyes around seven, tapped Jared on his sleeping shoulder, and waited for some kind of signal that he was awake. As soon as he gave me a groggy "uhhh," I scooted right next to him and whispered into his ear.

"Jared," I said softly, "can you take James somewhere this morning? Just the two of you?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?" he grumbled, as he pulled the comforter over his head.

"Because," I explained, "I really want to clean our apartment. I want to do a really good job, so it will be easier if you guys are gone."

There was a moment of silence before the comforter flew threw the air and Jared was sitting up straight, staring at me with a look of total confusion. You see, I've never actually wanted to clean before--never. I'm a disgusting slob.

Within fourteen minutes, Jared was dressed, James was dressed, and they were out the door for some type of man trip. As Jared was helping James with his sneakers, he looked up at me and said, "Amy, this is so weird, are you pregnant or something?"

Ohhhhh, now that was a good one. Am I pregnant? Well, let me put if this way: If The Lord is currently working on volume 2 of The Holy Bible and He's selected a sometimes righteous 26 year old girl from Dallas to play the modern day Mary, then yes...there's a possibility that I'm pregnant.

In all actuality, I was probably cleaning because a) Between Jared's graduation and a cross country move, we're going through some majorly stressful life transitions, and I'm yearning for stability. Or b) I'm becoming more mature.

I think it's option a.

So Jared and James hit the road, and I decided to tackle the upstairs master bathroom first. More specifically, the shower. I crawled under the sink, looking for some kind of shower cleaning product, and much to my surprise, there it was! You probably already know this, but you can actually buy a specialized product, just for cleaning showers at your local department store. My mom must have bought it for me a few years back, because I sure-as-heckers never did.

I was a little embarrassed when I discovered that the bottle was full. You see, we've lived here for more than two years and I had never used this particular product. I just always assumed that showers were self cleaning entities--you know, between all the soap and water that gets sloshed around in there, and an occasional little wipe down. Unfortunately, I was mistaken. It takes a lot of scrubbing to return a tub to its original state.

Here is another housekeeping gem that I learned on Saturday morning: My Hoover vacuum can easily be brought upstairs by simply using the convenient carrying handle! I'd like to meet the inovative genius who came up with that design!

I cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned until my apartment looked like, I don't know, all of my friends houses? It wasn't quite up to par with my Mom's house or my sister's place, but it was pretty darn average....and I felt amazing. In honor of my accomplishment, I sat in the empty bathtub, fully clothed, and read a book until the boys came home.

When they did get home, I heard James calling for me, "Moyee!? Moyee?! I wan fine you!!!!" (translation: Mommy?! Mommy?! I want to find you!!!!) I called to James, informed him of my location, and up he came--I could hear him climbing the stairs much slower than usual.

When he appeared in the bathroom door, he was holding an enormous bouquet of flowers from Jared. I've never gotten flowers on my birthday, never on my anniversary, or at either of my graduations (at least not from Jared). But cleaning the house? In my world, that is an occasion worthy of flowers.

All in all, I had a wonderful time cleaning my apartment, I'm still enjoying the cleanliness, and I'm very much looking forward to doing it again. In 2009.


krystyn said...

I feel your pain about cleaning - I dust twice a year, whether it needs it or not. LOL!!

The Ramos Family said...

It is so funny that you posted this. My house sometimes get cleaned when I know we will be having company, not just family, but actual company.

On Saturday at about 4:30 in the afternoon, I informed Joe that I could not go outside to enjoy the huge fire he and Manny had made in the fire pit, but that I had to clean under the fridge. I just had to (apparently).

Today I have swept, washed, and waxed (what?!) the bathrooom, kitchen and breakfast nook and am in the process of washing 10,000 loads of laundry (even sheets!) and it is only 10:30am.

Hmmmm....I think you can commit me now.

RunningCrazyAfter3 said...

You all did a much better job than I did this weekend. I decided that I would just sit and wish for a maid. It seemed much easier than actually cleaning myself :P

P.O.M. said...

LOL. I am having out of town guests this weekend and it just occured to me that I should probably clean. Wah. I wish I could afford a maid. Then again, the maid would probably laugh at my small apartment and the fact that I can't even keep THAT clean.

Melinda said...

I LOVED the part about sitting in the bathtub fully clothed, reading.

Grandma said...

you make Mama so proud!!!

Charlotte said...

Honestly, I didn't know you could buy special stuff just for the shower. Thanks for the tip!

Too bad I already cleaned the shower this year. I'll have to pick some up before I do it next year.

Rob & Katy said...

Wow, congrats! Maybe you can take a few pictures? My house is a M-E-S-S right now. I might leave it like that for a few days- you know, like we're swapping lives.

Anonymous said...

So I'm trying to decide if your immaculate conception joke meant that you and Jared haven't...uuuhhh...."done it" in a while?

Amy said...

The cleanest my apartment has ever been was when I had James and my mother-in-law came to help with the new baby. Upon arrival, she asked me for a list of things to do, and when she had finished the list of things I came up with (drop off the recycling, buy basic groceries, do the laundry), she went to work cleaning. She carefully wiped down each individual slat on the blinds, emptied the cupboards before cleaning inside them, and dusted my stapler--all things I never would have thought to do in a million years. She's pretty awesome. Or crazy.

Candis said...

I am a better person because you never clean either. My mother-in-law's house is as clean as 'Marie's' in 'Everybody Loves Raymond'. We bought one of those automatic shower cleaners. It's somehow still dirty- hmmm, must be me.

Catherine M. said...

Tears to my eyes when James gave you flowers. Maybe I'll clean someday. I've never cleaned the shower in the house I'm in. I figure that I'm handy so I don't need to.

Instead, I let the mold grow enough to inspire me to simply scrape and recaulk.

Michemily said...

I know what you mean about the shower. How in the world do they get so dirty?

Anonymous said...

Flowers... You must have really scared him.


The Roberts' Report- the roller coaster ride of life by Rachel and Larry. said...

Flowers!! Now that is some kind of reward!! Are you sure that doesn't inspire you to clean more often?? Maybe that's Jared subliminal message to you. "Wife...please...clean...more..."

katieo said...

I've been sitting here trying to figure out a way to say "I could've written this post!" without claiming to be as witty.

I have lived several experiences just like this one! (Hmm, doesn't sound as good...)

Anyway, isn't messiness a sign of creative genius?

chattypatra said...

Wanna come over and help me clean the interior of my car? I'll buy you ONE flower, as that is all I can afford right now.

No? Ok, then, I'm upping the ante here...I will...bake...brownies? For that, however, you have to help me clean my shower too. Bwahahahaha!

BTW, are you my doppleganger? ;)