Grammie's Got a Blackberry

February 25, 2010

I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this before, but I live in the same town as my in-laws. Now before you get all "BOO!, HISS!, MOTHERS-IN-LAW!, EVIL LADIES!, SATAN'S SEX KITTENS!," let me assure you that I love my in-laws.

No, scratch that. I adore my in-laws.

Seriously, my mother and father-in-law are really great people. They invite me for dinner any time they're having pot roast, they courtesy-laugh at every single one of my crude and inappropriate dinner jokes, and they always send me home with the leftovers--every little dripping.

And then? The best part? I keep the Tupperware. Honestly, every last one of my key pieces once said "MEREDITH LAWSON" on the inside of the lid.

Apparently she started labeling her containers in an effort to help them find their way home.

Apparently I also own a Sharpie marker, and it's surprisingly easy to change a capital R to a capital B, and a capital O to a capital P. Trust me folks, that whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing is right on the mark. When your lids say "MEBEPURH HAW8PN" instead of "MEREDITH LAWSON," it reduces the guilt factor by a margin of 100%.

Now don't get me wrong here, I love my in-laws for more than just their [very valuable, name brand] Tupperware. I also love them for their good looks, their big hearts, their superior DNA, and their constant willingness to help.

For example, this morning, when I had a very important work meeting to get to, and a very constipated four-year-old boy on my toilet (as James cared to describe it: my poop is definitely there, but it's definitely unavailable), I called my in-laws in an absolute panic.

I was like, "Hi. Me. Meeting. Commissioner of important state department. In an hour. James can't poop. He's crying. It's unavailable. HELP!"

And my father-in-law, bless his ever-charitable soul, was all, "Oh. Constipation? No problem. Should I come over and sit with him?" Then, as if that weren't enough--because trust me it was--my mother-in-law gifted my son with a gallon-sized Ziploc filled to the brim with prunes.

I made it to my meeting on time, James pooped (a three-footer according to his description), and all is well with the world.

I. Love. These. People.

This afternoon, I was hanging around their house, waiting for the pot roast to cook, when my mother-in-law came home with a really curious looking box. As soon as she turned her back, I lifted the lid and peeked inside--I'm nosy like that. I closed the lid, looked at my sister-in-law and said, "Oh dude. Grammie's got a Blackberry."

When she walked back into the room, my sister-in-law was like, "I didn't know you like to text."

And Meredith, was like, "I don't. But I have this Blackberry, and I have these magnifying glassing, so I'm planning to start."

Well okay then.

An hour or so later, after the pot roast was carefully packed into the latest addition to my Tupperware collection, I moved into the living room and assumed my normal position--on the couch, right between good 'ol Robb & Mere.

Now I know it might seem strange to snuggle up between Robb and Meredith, but you've got to understand, they have a brand new Lazy Boy couch, and the prime real estate (you know, the seats that recline), are on the ends--which leaves me with MIL to the left, and FIL on the right.

And what a night it was to be nestled.

Meredith was like, "Robb! Call me on my new Blackberry!"

And Robb was all, "What?!"

"I said: Use your SMART PHONE to call me on my new BLACKBERRY!"

And he was like, "What're you saying?! I can't hear you, Meredith!!!"

So I leaned over and I was like, "If you call her on her new Blackberry, you guys won't have to scream across the couch at each other."

So he dialed her up.

Her phone rang, she looked at the number and didn't recognize it. Then, she picked up, and in her very sweetest voice she was like, "Hello?"

"Well hi Meredith. I'm calling you from my smart phone. Can you hear me?"

And Meredith goes, "I can hear you just fine. Now who's this?"

I'm not gonna lie--I thoroughly enjoy watching Baby Boomers dabble in technology. Oh, and have I mentioned? I really, really love those people.


TX Mommy 2 said...

this is freakin hilarious! my in-laws are great too!

Amber Lynae said...

This is just great. I love my in-laws. I have even seen my mother-in-law naked (in the locker room) we used to work out together. And I have talked to her on the phone while she was dropping her "three footer" off at the kiddie pool. Let's just say it is comfort there. Maybe a little too much. But anyway... they aren't as funny as your in-laws..... and they don't supply me with tupperware. I may need to rethink how much I love them.

Mindy said...

I love my in-laws too... and I also love yours! Great post! :) It reminds me of a story about my grandparents in law... they were driving together in the car and deaf grandpa kept saying "what is that flashing light?" Blind grandma replied "I don't know what you're talking about, but there's a ticking sound that won't stop". Yup... they had the blinker on.

funderson said...

"unavailiable"? You/James just made my day...

The Roberts' Report said...

HAHAHAHA! It reminds me that every time I'm around my parents I can't help but think that they BOTH need hearing aids!

Bahston Beans said...

Nice work James.

Grandma said...

love the shout-out to Robb and they love it under the same heading as "constipation"
:{ yay for James...and yes you are the biggest Tupperware thief I have ever seen!!! So blatant!

BrianFlash said...

The prunes came to your house in Ziploc - maybe she is on to you...

turtle said...

I will forever think of my poo as "unavailable" if I'm constipated.
This has changed my life.

Cheryl said...

I learned to text this winter (old friend from high school in far away state) and now my daughter thinks I'm an absolute harlot! :-)

Karen said...

There's nothing funnier than watching older people try to embrace technology. My dad uses his computer to look up recipes and play Battleship. That's it.

X-Country2 said...

Lawsons=funny. It has been written.

wendy said...

OK. this totally sounds to me like it could be used in Janet Evanovich's books about Stephanie Plum, the bounty hunter.
the whole pot roast thing

and if you haven't read the books, you won't know what I am talking about.
so you need to check them out.

Mary said...

When my mom closed up her Florida home, she sold us her Florida car and Bill and I fley to Naples to drive it home. She also left behind a bunch of nice stuff, including Tupperware. So we packed up the car with whatever would fit, and now I have tupperware with my parents name on it!