Four Months

I got a check in the mail yesterday. From BlogHer. For $20.03.

Then I remembered that I had this blog. So yeah. I'm not four months pregnant, I'm four months blogless.

I tried to sign in and realized that Blogger changed EVERYTHING about posting, so I'm not really sure what I'm writing or how to press publish or how to tell my left from my right. Ya know, I could be obliviously posting in a Chinese speaking porn forum right this very second.

When I opened that check yesterday I thought, "Oh man, I remember that old thing. I can't write on my blog anymore because I don't have any time." Then I was like, "Man, I hate people who say they don't have time."

Today, I'm supposed to be getting ready for my big ass annual meeting for my super secret day job, and since I have reports to write and deadlines to meet, I thought this would be the ideal time to whip up a post.

This is my fifth annual meeting with that job, and every year my report becomes significantly less impressive. Last year, I kid you not, I printed two reports per page, and ripped the copy paper down the middle. It was all raggedy and frayed, and when I handed it out, I just acted like those reports were ass freaking incredible. I acted like I was ALL about the earth and ALL about efficiency. Now don't get me wrong, I love the earth, it's my home. But actually, on that given day, I was ALL about printing out full colored 8.5x11 pictures of vegetables. A pepper's a very saturated image, so by the time I printed out my ideal salad, I had no ink over for annual board meeting reports.

This year, I might try an oral report.

Okay, so anyway, it's been a while. Isn't it so dumb when people write posts about not posting? People like me? So dumb, but seriously, should I catch you up?

Jared's good. He's planning a weekend fishing trip. That's all.

James is good. He turned 7 last month and his head is huge. He was recently ousted from the gifted & talented program for not doing his homework, and Jared and I were too unmotivated to try to fight it. What can we say? He's walkin' in our shoes.

Maggie's really funny. She still draws on everything, including, but not limited to furniture, walls, floors and clients. For real, I have this woman who comes into the studio five times a week, and last Friday, Maggie drew on her face with a purple marker. She's a really bad Assistant to the Junior Coach, but she's a really good daughter.  And cute alert...Maggie calls herself a 'cess.' As in princess. If I was a good Mormon, I'd take some old fashioned looking instagram pictures of Maggie in a homemade princess skirt and write a nice, fat paragragh about the word 'cess.' Imagine it. It's cute.

Here they are reading an ice cream menu:

And me? Well, lots of farting lately. Oh, and this is my last annual meeting with my super secret job. Assciting! Kennebec Valley Chiropractic and Kennebec Valley Coaching are gonna pay all the bills starting at the end of June. Why not? If we get foreclosed one, we'll just add that experience to our already robust wisdom file.

But we won't.

This might be my last post until the end of June, because (oh I hate to say it), I'm really busy. But things are lightening up, so maybe I'll be back!

Things that Piss Us Off Thursday: Volume Something

January 26, 2012

Wow, I need this like a fish needs frigging water. So, without further ado, here's what's pissing me off today (and maybe for the last month):

1) When things get overly complicated within groups of people. In other words, drama. Ech. I even hate just typing that work.

2) Crappy snow at the end of January. In the Lawson family, we're all happier when we can ski a little.

3) Solicitations for who-knows-what on my work phone line. I actually feel a mini adrenaline rush when I hang up on them.

4) Super slow internet with really spotty wireless.

5) The fact that I'm too lazy to call about the super slow internet with really spotty wireless.

6) My own disorganization.

There, that felt good. Now it's your turn.

Aaaaaaaand go!

God Does Toe Raises Every Single Day

Right now, I'm sitting on a pile of mats in the brand new studio thinking to myself, "Wow, what just happened?"

And I guarentee you that Jared's sitting at home, in his recliner thinking, "Wow, where the hell is she? We need to watch some Pawn Stars on Netflix."

In case you didn't pick up on it in the pictures down there, the new studio is right next door to Jared's four-year-old chiropractic office. So far, I can't lie, the getting-used-to-it phase has been kind of tough. I've essentially edged in on a part of his life that used to be just his.

Our kids are in and out of his office more than they ever used to be--and by that, I mean, that James does laps through the treatment area on his scooter since the spaces connect in the front and in the back.

We've had approximately one million squabbles over lost staplers, messy bathrooms (we share 'em), walking in on each others' clients, a misplaced broom...you get it.

I just hope it all evens out.

I don't want to be in Jared's way. I don't want to drive him crazy, and I don't want him to wish I was somewhere in Asia. I want to leave each other alone, occassionally wave at each other through our front doors, and have three to five nooners every week.

I also want him to pay for my window washing, because I think that would be super sweet.

I honestly, with every fiber of my being think it will turn into that, but for now, we're ironing out our growing pains. I hate growing pains.

This might sound silly--and I'm sorry, you're probably thinking WOMAN, CAN YOU TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?--but I can't believe this is happening. I love what I'm doing so so much, and honestly, I've never even felt adequate at a job before. So to come in here and have the chance to do a good job every single day? I love it so much.

This was never my dream. I never thought running would or could be a business. I never thought I'd be a personal trainer, ever. And I especially never thought I'd have a career outside of a cubicle with a desk and a Dell.

But this is where I've been led. And I really think I've been led.

I feel like it's kind of stupid to say something like, "This is what God wants me to do." Because a) With the exception of prostitution, does God really care what I do to make a buck? and b) Why would God care about exercise?

But you know what? I've never felt so guided in my life. Other than getting married and deciding to have kids, I've rarely felt like God was guiding me in any direction all. I've always felt like he was all, "They're all good ideas, Amy. Do what you want, my blessed child."

This time, it's different. Because it feels like I'm supposed to be helping people learn how to do a nice squat. And I've learned that God does care about what I do, and I really think God likes exercise, too.

And as a side note, if I had to guess, Jesus Christ was probably a runner. Possibly a swimmer, but DEFINITELY not a power lifter, just sayin'.

When it comes to religion, I know I'm usually not much more than the Mormon who likes to swear. But go ahead, now you can add 'the Mormon who thinks Heavenly Father is doing some one-legged toe raises under than flowing robe thingy.' Because HE IS.

I'm hoping beyond hope that this all works out. That Kennebec Valley Coaching can put some food in our bellies, and make people in Central Maine healthier and happier.


Yesterday, I was driving to get Maggie and I saw a runner coming toward me on the side of the road. She looked lean, and strong, and fast. And when I got closer, I realized she was a Kennebec Valley Coacher. She joined the Couch to 5k group last summer, and now she's out of a six-miler on a random winter day.

It made me cry.

So thanks for the patience these last few months. I hope I can write here more often these days. And I promise, it won't just be about the business venture.

Although I did minorly pee in my pants tonight during a tough round of squat jumps.

Happens to the best of us.

Thanks.

The Latest Online Fitness Challenge

And while we're on the subject of Kennebec Valley Coaching...

If you're on facebook, and you're looking for a little bit of motivation to improve your diet and exercise situations, check this out:

It's $15, and you can register here.

There are 2 different parts to the challenge. You can try for 1, or try for both.

The 1st option is the diet option. We're shooting to follow the 90/10 rule of eating. 90% pure, unprocessed, single ingredient foods (obviously you can cook and mix single ingredient foods together). And 10% whatever you want.

The 2nd option is the exercise option. We're aiming for 20 minutes a day, every day in February.

Everyone will set a motivator to help get them through the month. Maybe buy a cute, new dress that's a leeetle bit tight. Schedule a boudoir photo shoot for yourself. Buy a new belt to keep you motivated. Shoot to run a 5k race. You get the idea.

At the end, we'll pick a winner from each category.

The last challenge was super fun. One winner ran over 150 miles between Thanksgiving and January, and the other winner lost 9 pounds.

That could be you! And all it takes is a little online fitness challenge...

Come on, we're SO fun. Really, we are.

I Swear I Have a Good Excuse

I know. It's been six weeks. I swear I've been really busy.

Photographic evidence:

The greatest ginormous chalk board in all of Central Maine.

A map to represent some of the far away Kennebec Valley Coachers. I still have four spots open for individual coachees if anyone's interested. $5/month blog reader discount!

You can have James if you'll come paint that trim for me. No, not joking.

The legends.

It can say OPEN, too. Get it?

Studio on the right, Jared's chiropractic office on the left. So far so good...only four screamfests over office supplies!

It's says 'Endurance Coaching for Everyday People.'

It's a group training studio. Running goups, triathlon classes, pilates, boot camps, aerobics, you name it. A work in progress, and I'm in love. If you want to stalk more closely, you can 'like' Kennebec Valley Coaching on facebook.