Kindergarten Journals: Part 1

June 8, 2008

I had a bit of a sad trip to Connecticut this past weekend. My parents, you see, have sold my childhood home to a man with the last name "Wiener" and it's my job to pretend to be okay with that. My father is so emotional about the sale, that the mere sight of a footlong hotdog will bring him close to tears. So I've been acting as my dad's emotional rock. In other words, I've been telling lots and lots of wiener jokes.

While I was sadly sorting through a stack of boxes in the attic on Saturday, my mood was quickly lightened when I found a stack of childhood journals that I referred to in a post a couple of days ago. They were even more risque and fabulous than I had previously remembered.

I'm happy to say that there is no shortage of my 5-year-old nudie drawings, so I'll spread them out over the next few weeks.

And now, without further delay, I present you with solid evidence that I haven't changed much since 1985.

Exhibit A:

This is a drawing of my friend Judy. According to the caption, she is naked in her Halloween costume. Judy's parents must have been on a budget that year.











Exhibit B:

This drawing is a little more difficult to make out, as it incorporates crayon and pencil illustration. The caption reads, "The lady is going to have a baby and she's crying. She's naked. She's crying." For a five-year-old, I'd say I summed up childbirth pretty well.

On the left side of the page you can see a OB/GYN happily reaching above the cabinets for a pot of boiling water. On the right side of the page you'll find the patient: a sad woman in labor, with a rockin' set of purple tee-tees.

In the last twenty years, I have switched from paper to the computer, but other than that, my journalistic style has never ever wavered.

17 comments:

deb said...

Amy,

I'm glad you mentioned that the ta-tas of the naked crying lady were purple, as I initially mistook the brown saggy appendages (her arms, maybe?) as said ta-tas. And they were looking somewhat less than perky.

Rob & Katy said...

what?!
where did you get the childbirth inspiration? it's not like mom was all into sharing her birth stories.
pot of water?
were we raised in the same home?

Lindsey said...

I feel sorry for that lady and her saggy boobs. Hopefully you learn to draw more "perky" boobs. That lady had OBVIOUSLY had more than one baby.

Cheryl said...

A fascinating look back at the young journalist's roots of weirdness!

Sorry to hear your folks' house sold to a wiener. Is he inviting you all over for a cookout after the closing? :-)

Grandma said...

oh how I fear Part 2. I have a guess.

Sarah said...

You so misssed your calling in art!!

HotMommy said...

On the topic of budget Halloween costumes, I remember the year my mom was too sick to make me a costume and when good ol' dad was reminded Oct. 31st that I wanted to be Wonder Woman, he put me in my red swim suit and Barbie tiara and sent me out into the cold with a neighbor kid and parent. Shortest trick or treating ever. I bet Wonder Woman never had frozen ta-tas.....

akshaye said...

Haha.. you were one screwed up kid, with amazing handwriting for someone who draws that bad!

Marc and Megan said...

I must say that I'm very impressed. The detail, creativity, imagination... incredible! I have to add that your story-telling abilities reflect the same! Thanks for being my consistent source of amusement and fun! :)

Minnie said...

I'm in full agreement with Deb, thanks for the clarity on that.

This is hysterical!

Vanilla said...

Beautiful. In my experience pregnant women often do cry.

Lisa said...

Oh man! I love this! You have officially made my day with those drawings. Thanks!

Our Little World said...

LOL. Oh my freakin' gosh, that is so funny. The purple boobs are awesome!

P.O.M. said...

Wow. Your talent never ceases to amaze. (Like Deb, I also thought the brown things were ta ta's. Thank goodness they were the purple ones!)

Joy Through Cooking said...

LOL (replying to your reply) yes this is meghan and yeah this is my hobby (ummm yeah cooking somehow replaced running and my waistline is not better for it...)

Next time you are in CT let me know and the invite is extended! :) LOVE your blog btw. How did I not find this earlier?? Fabulous and hilarious! You are a great writer!

Chan said...

hahahahahahahahaha. I'm crying.

Krista said...

Ok, you seriously need to stop. This is too much. LOLOL. Is this common? Nudey drawings at 5? I love it!