Things that Make Me Want to Hurl

December 7, 2009

In theory it sounded awesome, but to be quite honest with you, this work-at-home-mom thing isn't really coming together so well for me.

Now, instead of sitting in my office, not doing much work and feeling semi-guilty about it, I'm sitting in my den, not doing any professional work (because old habits die hard) or housework (because I'm on the clock) and feeling just about as useful as one of those infomercial 'set it and forget it' rotisserie ovens--you know...not nearly as efficient as the salesman said it would be, and dude, it takes up way too much counter space.

I sit around all morning, with my boob hanging out of my shirt, pretending (key word there) to sound useful during conference calls, all the while wondering, "Can't she just stop crying for a second???" Consequently, my self-esteem is lying somewhere in the depths of my very uncleaned toilet.

Crappy employee? Check!

Crappy housekeeper? Double check!

Crappy friend? Would be if I had any! (Didn't that sound dramatic?)

Wallowing in self pity? You bet your big, fat bottom I am!

Objectively speaking, I have precisely nothing to show for my first two weeks back at work, and honestly, it makes me want to hurl. But worst of all, I sound like a nasty little, self-entitled whiner (e.g. "Working from home and getting paid well for it is sooooo hard!" and "Why is my beautiful, healthy baby just a little bit fussy every once in a while?")--and that makes me want to hurl all over again.

I have a work contract through April, so I'll give myself at least that long to adjust to the new circumstances--so that's good.

But I have even better news. This ridiculous need to vent and complain? I'll recover from that momentarily.


TheOneTrueSue said...

No. You are not nasty, you are not spoiled.

Here is the secret nobody tells you as you seek for the holy grail of working from home:

Working from home with kids is HARD.

Working from home with a new baby is INSANELY DIFFICULT.

You end up feeling precisely like you are feeling now - that you are not doing a good job at ANYTHING.

(I can't stop capitalizing the last word. It's an ILLNESS.)

I've been working from home with kids for eight years. The new baby phase is always really difficult no matter what (although it gets better, I promise), but I discovered that having a mother's helper for a couple of hours a day is essential. It's that or have a really unhappy employer. My kids are happier too - because I'm not frustrated and wrung out, trying to juggle too many things.

You have to have that time to knuckle down and get your work done without anyone tugging on your hand (or nipple).

During nanny time, I don't nurse the baby - because that leads to burping and the whole getting the baby to sleep thing. I pump enough for one bottle a day while Bethany is here and it's totally worth it.

Email me, we can share tips. It's the one thing I sort of have figured out after all of this time.

Unknown said...

Please remember, and I can not stress this enough, you are going to be insane for the next year.

A crazy person. Totally unreliable. Brain fell out with the afterbirth.

If you can keep yourself and your children fed and reasonably healthy until that baby's first birthday, you'll be a hero.

Anything more than that is a crap shoot, and you're only going to make yourself nuttier expecting it to be any different.

This is a temporary condition. Your brain will grow back.

I promise.

JAMIE said...

You will adjust. Working from home while tending kids is very hard. Could you hire someone to help you with the baby while you work at home? Being responsible for the baby and the work load is a hefty responsibility, and having a little help can make all the difference.

Anonymous said...

Aw, Am. I agree with everyone who posted comments already.

chattypatra said...

Amy, please remember that you do have friends who love you and pray for you every day, ok? Hang in there!

TheOneTrueSue said...

And PS: Hard, but WORTH IT. The flexibility you gain by being able to work from home is worth the headaches. Doesn't NEGATE the headaches and juggling and stress, but it more than justifies it.

Grandma said...

It's your birthday month:) Do as much or as little as you want!!xo

X-Country2 said...

Awww, hang in there. You're doing great!

Morgan Hagey said...

Working, no matter where you do it, is hard when you have kids, then you mix in the whole "My baby doesn't sleep" part, not to mention the "my kids are WITH me when I try to work" and it gets complicated.

I've worked always (well, I took a year off) with kids, not full time, but enough to stress me out. I know it's a hard balance.

Sue had a great idea with the mother's helper idea, if you could schedule your work meetings at like 4:00 in the afternoon, then a teenager could do it. They are cheap. :) Even if it was once a week, it would help keep your sanity.

You'll get it figured out. Once Maggie actually sleeps you might find more time in the evening to work, or earlier in the mornings... but for now, just trust you're doing the best you can. And I'm sure you are.

The Pasant Family said...

I love DeNae's comment, she sounds like she and I could be friends.

Kristine said...

(((Hugs))) Contrary to popular belief, you are not Superwoman. You are, however, a super woman! It is not easy working from home with an infant - I tried tutoring online when Noah was a baby. The sessions were fine, but the paperwork was forever late or non-existant. And I only tutored 1 child AND had teens to help with Noah during the sessions!

Give yourself a break. At least you're not delusional and think you have it all together! :) I really like the mother's helper suggestions. Either a teenager just looking for pocket money, or a retired woman wanting to dote on kids. Either would be win-win!

funderson said...

oh...yes I tried to work from home just for a couple hours here and there and I couldn't hang at all! Too many distractions at home...I'm just not that disciplined I guess