I'm Not Boring, Day 1: I Organized a Race!

August 31, 2011

When I was entering that title, I accidentally typed the word 'rave' instead of 'race.' That would have been sooo much cooler. I mean I've never done those drugs, but I've heard they're awesome--makes you want to pet everything (furniture, appliances, broken glass, etc) like it's a kitten. That's mindbending to me. And seriously, can you even imagine how much glow-in-the-dark crap you'd have to order from Oriental Trading to make a rave a success? Me neither.

But clearly, a swearing Mormon like me would never organize a rave, so I opted for a race instead...a 5k race to be exact.

Here's a video of the Saturday's 3.1. Totally not boring...unless you think running, and overcoming obstacles, and grabbing your dreams squarely by the ass is boring. If you're that type, then don't waste your four minutes. But if you like a splash of inspiration on a Wednesday morning while you should be filing expense reports, go ahead and click:

Seriously, how awesome are they? Don't you just want to unrecline your lazy boy and hit the pavement? I'm so proud of everyone who was brave enough to get out there and run. They inspire the crap out of me. They went from no miles to 3.1 miles in ten weeks--you could totally do it, too.

We had a few mishaps at the race. More specifically, we were locked out of Jared's office, and therefore  locked out of the bathrooms; I possibly forgot to start my watch when I blew the start whistle (and didn't realize it until the first runner came through); the dollar store was fresh out of Gatorade, so we had to go with it's inbred step cousin called Rip-It; and the when the fire fighters came to unlock the building, I might not have had a permit for this whole affair....uhhhhhhmmmm, sorry boys! (ps You're hot)

I also forgot to thank the volunteers, and my assistant coach, because when I get busy I get flustered, and when I get flustered I accidentally turn into a douche bag--a sweet, well intentioned douche bag, but a db nonetheless.

YOU would never forget to thank your volunteers. So that fact that I did? I'd say that makes me not so average--in an airheaded assholean kind of way.

Day 1? Check!

Blah Blah Average, and a Link

August 30, 2011

Have I seriously not posted on this blog in over two weeks? That's straight up craziness. I don't want to say that I'm losing interest in the ol' blog, but I might be losing interest in the ol' blog.

All of the sudden I'm just normal, and boring, and thirty-something. It was way cooler to be young, and in love, drive a twenty-something-year-old car, and be in school. Now we just kind of tolerate each other, we drive something that looks like a mini-van and a station wagon humped, and we scramble to make the student loan payments at the end of the month. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

Ugh. Boring.

We don't even have two dogs any more. We have one--and the super cool unique dog that made us different and fun? She died. One dog (that looks like the classic dog a kindergartner would draw) and two kids. We're so average that I'm stabbing myself in the eye with a marker right now.

For real, what can I even tell you that would be worth reading about? Let's see...

We're taking out a home equity loan to replace our roof. Oooooohhhhhhh.

James got some new Sketchers called Furious Reptilians. Okay, so that's kind of cool.

And you know what else? I just had an idea. Seriously, it just came to me right this second. For the next two weeks, every single day, I'm gonna post something on this blog that makes me feel cool and unique and positively me. It could be just the punch I need to relight my blog fire.

Because you know what? Funny things have been happening to me, I've just been too lazy and blah blah blah to write about them.

I did go to one of those adult toy Tupperwareqsue type parties on the Sabbath. Didn't write about it.

did stand in line at the post office behind a woman who was determined to mail $260 worth of Canadian coins to Quebec City to pay her speeding ticket. FYI, it was $30 in postage and she had a curly mullet. Didn't write about it.

And I did slightly threaten a driveway paving guy, while I was wearing pajamas (but no bra), for starting up his equipment at 6:40am and blowing my neighbors sticks and leaves into my yard. I would have been completely cool with one or the other, but c'mon old man, NOT BOTH!

I really do have some material, I'm just too wrapped up in my own averageosity these days. But I'm about to break free...every day for the next two weeks. Awesome. Maybe. We'll see.

On an unrelated note, when I posted that last blurb on my blog about my new coaching business, I got four inquiries and three of them signed up. Kind of nuts in a completely awesome way. Since my three latest runners are so so gutsy to start a new fitness program, I can be gutsy enough to share my link.

BUT HERE'S THE DISCLAIMER!!!! I made this website myself and I know it sucks. It's too big for lots of peoples' computers, too small for lots of peoples' computers, and seems to fit no one's computer. It's cheesey, and totally not funny--courtesy laughs at the most. Puh-lease don't email me with "I'll build you a new site for $xxxx!" offers. Because you know what? Maybe I like my stock photos. Ever thought about that??? Huh?

Link's here. You should probably like Kennebec Valley Coaching on Facebook, too. You know, so everyone in the world signs up and I can buy my new roof with cash. Because whoa, that would be crrrrrrrazy!


August 15, 2011

Much to my surprise, this running coach thing is taking off like freaking gangbusters. After my last blog post on the 10th, I got a a few emails asking if I could coach from far away--phone and internet--and blamo, my first not-local runner signed up. Which got me thinking...

Truth is, there are zillions of 'on-line' running coaches out there, and 99% of them are probably faster than I am. So if you're looking for some kind of former Olympic hopeful, I'm definitely not your girl.

But if you're looking for a normalish person with lots of running experience, soon to be USATF certified, who will take someone who says, Running seems impossible, but I really want to try, or  I'm dying to break 30 minutes in the 5k, and help make it happen, then I might be your girl. I'm super cheap, too.

These are some of my runners. Any one down there remind your of yourself?

This past Saturday, every single one of those runners ran for twenty-nine minutes straight without stopping--because they're awesome and because they're putting themselves out there. If they can do it, you can do it. I mean it.

If you're interested, send me an email at LawsonAmyB@yahoo.com. I'll send you the link to my coaching website and you can nose around a little bit. Just so you have an idea, coaching goes for $59 a month--that's cheaper than a family trip to Outback Steakhouse (but way less awesome than a bloomin' onion).

I should really just put a link to my site right here, but I'm feeling kind of private about it. Which is strange, because I tell you guys all kinds of things about my hemorrhoids and the time my husband pooped in my eye.

Maybe I'll work up the nerve to post the link to my site tomorrow, but in the mean time, if you're interested, email me. If you're a blog reader, let me know and I'll give you $5 off each of your first three months--that's the equivalent of three loaves of bread and an US Weekly. Don't delay, it's big time stuff.

Just Call Me Coach

August 10, 2011

I've been meaning to tell you guys, the 5k group that I've been leading has (surprisingly) turned out to be a smashing success. I have thirty-nine registrants, and as far as I can tell, two injuries and only one drop out.

So do you know what that means? It means I'm getting my coaching certification on October 1st, I'm offering a few more classes in the fall, and I even have my very own website (that gets half a hit a day). Big time stuff.

I'm working everything out of Jared's office, and yesterday someone showed up to let him know that I'm being honored at a celebration for new business owners on Main Street. Rumor has it I'm getting a plaque. Um, HELLO! You all know how I feel about trophies/medals/plaques. As far as I'm concerned, I'm straight up there with Warren Buffet.

I'll probably put my plaque up in, no on, my office:

That's my office.

I asked Jared if I could have a real office--one of the little rooms in the back of his office. He said he'd think about it and he gave me this box. Everybody's gotta start somewhere I suppose.

So guys, I need your help. What are some good ideas for marketing running groups and a local coaching business? So far I've got the website, I have a facebook page, I'm on active.com, I have people wearing their shirts all over town, I've hung a few flyers, I wear my shirt to races, and I'm hoping to get the newspaper to cover our final 5k 'race.'

What am I missing? Because I'm hoping to clear my first million by next month.

Happy Anniversay?

August 3, 2011

Welp, today's our nine -year anniversary. Apparently, the traditional gift for nine years is pottery. But you know us, are we ever traditional? Of course we aren't.

So, in lieu of pottery, we opted for a bonding experience, and we buried our greyhound behind a big shady tree in the back yard. Thankfully Jared didn't have any early morning patients, so he dug a ginormous hole for Gracie's 65 pound body, wrapped her in a sheet, and covered her over all before he drove in for the morning.

The one on the left says:

11 Years Old. Almost 12.

Six year old James was the creative genius behind that catchy little inscription. The one on the right says:

11/15/99 - 8/2/11

Carla was her kennel name when we adopted her, and Sheeza Corsair was her racing name. Awesomely enough, you can see her pedigree by clicking here, and her race results by clicking here. It's pretty cool if you're farting around on the internet trying to waste some time. Who knows, maybe someday my grand kids will look up my race results online and say something like, "Whoa. Gram sure was average."

It's funny, Jared and I have been married for nine years, and that feels like a pretty short time--but if you think about it, the first dog we got together (she was four when we took her home), is already gone. I guess that means we've been married for a while--we're legit.

It was arguably the most beautiful day of the year here in Maine, and honestly, I spent most of the day moping around inside. I cried a little, I walked out to Gracie's grave a few times, and I kid you not, I let James watch the second Star Wars movie three times in a row--he's on his fourth go 'round as I type this sentence. I ordered a few prints of Gracie from the Walgreen's website, and talked to Jared a lot--he kept calling. He's pretty upset.

Basically we're both convinced that we accidentally killed her doing totally innocent things--like coming home from work to take her out at three o'clock instead of one, and moving her around on her pillow when her breathing started to get labored.  We're just being stupid.

Jared got home from work with a Target bag in his hand. He bought me a new pair of sweatpants (best anniversary gift on the planet as far as I'm concerned), and this card:

He accidentally bought me a card for a husband, crossed it out and wrote wife.

No ladies, you can't have him. He's taken.

Just so you guys know, Gracie's death was totally unexpected and weird. She was getting old, but she wasn't elderly or sick by any stretch of the imagination. She was her normal old self when she woke up in the morning, and she was great when I came home from work. Went out to pee and I didn't notice anything strange--she even had some pep in her step.

She didn't want her dinner at 5:30, which I thought was kind of strange, but nothing that made me think, "Huh, this dog's probably about to die." I headed to my neighbor's house around 7:15 to do P90x, and a few minutes later, Jared showed up at the door and said, "You need to come home. I think Gracie just died."

He was right.

He took her out for a quick walk, but she couldn't make it past the end of the driveway. He carried her back inside and put her on her pillow in the dining room. He tried to give her a little bit of food, but she wasn't interested, so he gave her some water from a sports bottle, and she liked that. Her breathing started to get pretty labored. He moved her around to try to help her get comfortable, but she just gasped a few times and that was it. Her heart was still beating when he came to get me, but by the time I got there, it was stopped.

In the grand scheme of things, it's a wonderful, graceful exit for a dog. She never had to have a bad day due to old age and we never had to make the final call. But I'll tell you, there's absolutely nothing to be relieved about, no at least she's not suffering any more. Just a good old fashioned head scratcher, I guess.

Today, the thought bubble above my head reads: WTF?

Tomorrow's thought bubble will probably be more like: Seriously. WTF?

I'm fine. We're all fine. It's just weird to have a house without my greyhound. I keep slipping though the screen door so Gracie won't run out, and I've called her name to take her for a walk twice today. I might get another one someday, but for now, I'm more than happy as a one-dog family.

So yeah. That was our shitastic ending to a ridiculously stressful year. Um, Happy Anniversary? I'm holding out hope for year ten.

And by the way...thanks for all the nice comments. I'm glad you guys like Gracie so much!


August 2, 2011

Gracie died tonight. It was really unexpected. She seemed fine when I came home from work today. She was never energetic, never a tail wagger, never an excited jumper. But still, I was her owner, and I always knew if she was fine or not. And she was fine. Just old.

I went to do P90x at my neighbor's house, and about forty minutes into it, Jared showed up at the door and said, "I think Gracie just died."

She didn't want her dinner tonight. Then he tried to take her out and she couldn't stand up. She got to the end of the driveway, so Jared carried her back inside, layed her down on her pillow and she died.

She was almost twelve and I always loved having her around the house. She didn't do much, but she was a calming presence. I always let her on the furniture when I was around--don't tell Jared. And I never really called her Gracie--Grace, or beautiful, or pretty girl. I know, I know, totally crazy, but I always wanted a greyhound.

When we took the dogs to watch the Boston Marathon this year, everyone wanted to pet/talk about/take pictures of Gracie. Not a lot of attention on Coach. Gracie was more striking. She was a really pretty dog.

I'm glad she went on her own. Really glad for the nonchalant way that she made her exit. Kind of fitting for the laziest dog in the world.

Oh Gracie. I'm really glad I got to have her. Greyhounds are just different.