Welcome to my Refrigerator

March 19, 2010

In the past week I've gotten three random emails asking for more pictures of my everyday, hum-drum, kind of boring life--and two of them said, "Like the stuff that's in your refrigerator." Now I don't keep up with blog trends so well, but I'm guessing this might be one of them. If not, the creep factor just increased by at least fifty degrees.

I know as well as the next guy that voyeurism is a heck of a lot of fun, but to be completely honest, I'm pretty stinking average. Plus, I might be the worst photographer ever.

But I'll do it. Every day for the next week I'll post some pictures or a short video of my day-to-day goings on. If there's anything in particular that you'd like to see--around my house, around my town, in Jared's car, definitely not at my work--post a comment and I'll do my best to satisfy your nosiness.

For today, without further ado, I bring you the inside of my refrigerator. Fascinating, right?

A) Orange Juice from Concentrate--I'm cheap.

B) Homemade Applesauce--As in my mother-in-law made it while I yapped her ear off.

C) Iced Tea--I drink four gallons of the stuff every single day. I also use whiskey instead of mouthwash. And when my cows are sick I let them inhale my second-hand smoke. (that was a joke for Mormons)

D) Green Milk and Green Jello--It was delivered to James by a leprechaun named Jimmy O'Mally (or Sh!tty O'Mommy--either way) at 6pm on St. Patrick's Day.

E) Almond Milk--I swear it's only a little bit gross.

F) Ground Flax Seed--Apparently it's good for the brain.

G) Coca Cola Classic--Definitely good for the brain.

H) Yeast and Pasta--Whole wheat pasta. You know, in case CPS ever stops by without an invitation.

I) Eggs--I own two and they're both broken.

J) Prunes--Sometimes my poop gets stuck.

K) Cheese--There's approximately one tablespoon of shredded cheddar in there.

L) Purple Cabbage--Jared likse to throw little pieces of it in our bed when he's cranky and over-tired. I'm not kidding, he did it last night.

M) Spinach--Ups the sexy factor.

N) Salad--It's no longer in the bowl, it's now in our bed. And no, I'M STILL NOT KIDDING.

O) Kale--I don't know what the hell to do with it either.

P) Fresh Air

This is the front of my fridge. It's just as craptastic and messy as everything else in my life--like a screwed up game of Eye Spy every time you pass through the kitchen. Can you find a Chinese fortune? Jim Cantore from The Weather Channel? A fish with a wiggly tail?

Here's a close-up of James's school picture. It features his signature smile, of course:

This is our latest family portrait. I'm the one holding the baby:

And this...this, my friends is the official Lawson Family Declaration:

Jared carries a copy in his wallet, James carries a copy in his backpack, and I carry a copy in my heart. The paper copy is probably in the same place as my driver's license, my Discover card, and my debit card--a very mysterious place.

I got the idea to write a family declaration from an article I read in Real Simple Magazine while I was pooping at the Wal-Mart. It's supposed to be a mission statement for your family, and so far it's really helped us along.

See how some of the words are underlined in thick, black marker? That because sometimes, when Jared's being extra horrible, I drag him to the refrigerator by the ear, underline a phrase like HELP EACH OTHER OUT or BE KIND or WE TRY NOT TO BE DOUCHE BAGS with a sharpie, and decrease his self-esteem with an evil gaze. No words required.

So there. My fridge. I feel very close to you right now.


Mindy said...

Okay, be honest, did you clean your fridge before you took this picture? Because it's totally organized and clean, and mine is not... ever. I don't want to have to take "well, at least Amy's not perfect either" out of my feel-better phrases...

Amy said...

I cleaned it last week. Sorry. I should have included the door with all of the two-year-old condiments.

funderson said...

Um yeah...If CPS shows up at my house I'm screwed because my fridge looks very bio-hazardy especially compared to yours..

Loralei said...

Disclaimer: I have NEVER made these...I just never knew what you did with kale. (Hmmm....I think I made a comment on vegetable chips in the coconut post.)

Kale Chips--a.k.a Seriously Addictive Snack!

1-2 big bunches kale
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon oil
coarse salt (to taste) or favorite seasoning blend

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Wash and de-stem kale. Chop or tear into "chip" size pieces.

Spread onto baking sheet. Pour the apple cider vinegar, oil and seasoning (1-2 tablespoons) onto kale. Mix to coat all pieces.

Bake for 10 minutes or until crispy. Serve immediately!

Makes: 3-4 servings, Preparation Time: 3 minutes, Cooking Time: 10 minutes

Bahston Beans said...

That green milk just kicked my lactose intolerance up a bit.

Chelsea said...

Oooh! I know what to do with kale!


Basically, spray your cookie sheet with cooking spray.

Tear the kale off the stem part in potato-chip-sized pieces and toss them onto the cookie sheet.

(Technically, you're supposed to shove the kale in a bowl and drizzle some olive oil on it, then slop it around to make sure it's coated, but check out this next step cuz it's much easier and more fun.)

Lightly spray the kale on the cookie sheet with your cooking spray (!!! I know, right?!!?)

Salt the sprayed kale.

Heat your oven to whatever degrees this recipe link says and cook it about as long as it says to cook it.

It's terribly delicious, even if it is green and leafy and not actually cheetos.

Unknown said...

Brave, brave girl. If I posted pictures of my house, it would be like viewing the Hindenburg disaster.
"Oh, the humanity!"

Karen said...

Thanks. Very interesting. hmmmmm

jessicat said...

What's in your family declaration?

Lisa said...

I was laughing, a lot, while reading this post! I even quoted the really funny poop parts to my sister.

Ashley // Our Little Apartment said...

Hi. Okay. So it's 11pm on Friday night (very late for me) and I've spent, like, an hour reading your blog.

I Googled something about having to pee when you run while pregnant (I'm 16 weeks pregnant with my first and ah! seriously!) and stumbled across your blog.

I giggled aloud several times while reading your posts - you are hilarious. :) So, hi. I'll be back.

TX Mommy 2 said...

Kale chips are actually quite good! And this post made me giggle... seriously funny!

Amy said...

JessicaT--I've only met you in person one time, but rest assured, you're one of three people in the world who could be like "run into the road" or "stand up during that chamber music concert and whip your clothes off," and I'd do it without hesitation. This power you have over me...it's mysterious, and powerful, and slightly creepy. Thank goodness we didn't go to middle school together. You could have had a really good time:

As members of the Lawson Family, we try our very hardest to act like Jesus by: loving, respecting, and always supporting one another. We accept each other's differences, help one another, speak with kind voices, say nice things, and use teamwork to get things done. We do our best to serve our friends, our neighbors, and each other.

We work hard at school, at home, and at our offices. We always try to do our best and encourage each other to do their best, too. We are optimistic, and help each other look on the bright side of things.

Most of all, as members of the Lawson Family, we like to have fun—sometimes on our own, but mostly with each other. We love to laugh, we love to play, and we love make each other feel happy as we explore the whole wide world.

Anonymous said...

awesome, brave, always funny, love the declaration (that's in all seriousness) - 'n GO BOSOX! = )

Grandma said...

at first I really thought your food was lettered:)

Chief said...


James looks like he could use some prunes!